I didn't want to repeat and questions, soI took a look around, and found a lot of other females asking about orgasms, so I know, now, that I'm not alone. I just want advice on my situation. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year now, I love him so much! We are sexually active, however I've never had an orgasm. Well, actually, I've had an orgasm about twice in my life, but it was so small, is that normal? When we have sex, I can't orgasm, it feels good and everything, but I'm not really concerned because from reading I'm assuming many females don't orgasm during sex? My boyfriend is really upset though, and I don't know how to explain it to him to make it feel better. He keeps saying "i'm broken" and that I need to just let go. I've told him Ive tried to and I do, and I told him that don't worry about me having an orgasm so much, because it still feels really good, when he eats me out;fingers me. I've talked to some people, and some said it might be that he isn't good at it, but I think he is incredible. He is feeling really bad about himself, and I don't want that at all! I'm only 16, so I probably have a while until I orgasm, maybe until I'm 20! And he doesn't understand that, he's just just let go! And doesnt understand that its not the same for girls as it is for guys. I used to make him stop because i couldn't handle the feeling, but now I really want to let go, and I just like can't do, I enjoy what he is doing and concentrate, I didn't think it was a mental thing, I'm so comfortable with him. He is expecting fireworks from me and he has to understand that it might be awhile til I get there. i don't know how to make him feel better about this all. The only time I've had an orgasm was small, and it was incredible, but he doesn't think its good enough, he wants me to feel even more pleasure which is great, but not happening. It's like you said in one of your replies comparing orgasms to fireworks, I build up and feel like i want to explode but then the finale is just a little pop, if there even is one. I get distracted easily too. Help, thanks.
There is so much going on her that is wrong that it is no wonder you aren't having orgasm. So print this out and show it to him.
First for you Kelsey....Part of the reason you do not orgasm as often as you'd like could be you get distracted easily. It is really hard for anyone to orgasm - even people who orgasm all the time to orgasm when they are distracted.
One part of the reason teenage girls have difficulty with orgasm is that they worry about so many things when they are having sex -- will I get pregnant? will my parents find out I am having sex? will somebody come home- walk in while we are having sex? in addition to all the other normal worries teenagers have.
And you are not an adult - and part of not being an adult is to be distracted easily. Adults can focus and ignore distrations more easily than teenagers can. Part of the reason women do not have orgasms until they are older is that it requires so much mental concentration to have an orgasm that you just aren't ready yet. But to me it sounds like what you are experiencing is very healthy and very normal for a girl of 16.
And now for your boyfriend.....
Kelsey is not broken. That is not as helpful thing to say. She is young and young girls often do nor have orgasms or do not have them all the time. Something broken needs to be fixed- Kelsey is just fine.
Young girls need to feel pleasure with sex, not pressure to have orgasms. The more pressure on her - the less likely it is she will have an orgasm. Take away the pressure and it becomes more possible she might orgasm the way you think she should.
Learning to orgasm is a process. First you have to learn to feel pleaure and enjoy feeling pleasure, and then learn to allow yourself to feel even more pleasure. That takes time. It takes more time for some women than other women. Try to make this happen faster - and the reverse happens. This is something she does in her head - and the only way you can help is to be patient.
Sex is not about orgasms. Sex is about pleasure. You are want evidence - an orgasm - that you are giving her pleasure. The evidence you need to believe is that she likes what you are doing. That has to be enough. It is her orgasm - not your orgasm. It it is small and makes her feel wonderful - accept that. It is what makes Kelsey feel good, not what makes you feel good.
Men and women are different when it comes to orgasms. Young guys almost always ejaculate when they orgasm - they shoot off like a cannon and sometimes before they even want to. The greatest pleasure a young guy feels (smart older guys learn that there is more to sex than ejaculation) is that feeling of ejaculation.
Women of any age enjoy the pleasure along the way. Orgasms are wonderful - but sex without an orgasm can be wonderful too. An orgasm is not essential to a woman feeling pleasure the way it is for a guy. Some women have an orgasm every time, some women have many every time, and some women just have them every once in a while.
Stop pressuring Kelsey. The pressure doesn't help - it hurts.
Just forget completely about her having orgasms - she will have them in her own time. They are her orgasms to share with you.