I have been sexually active for 4 years and can not orgasim. I have tried masturbation, oral, and penetration and nothing works. I heard that masturbation is the best way to start, but i don't feel an amazing sensation when I masturbate. I need all the help I can get.

Nini,

How old are you? If you are under 25 that may be the problem. Although some people disagree with me who read this forum I think a young women's hormones may not be fully in gear yet making the experience of sex just not particularly exciting. It is an EXTREMELY common experience for women not to have their first orgasm until they are in their mid-20s.

Do you use lubrication? Lubrication is essential for most women who have sex and even more essential if you are having difficulty with orgasms. I prefer Eros silicone lubrication - to me absolutely nothing is better.

And yes, if you can't orgasm from masturbation it is unlikely you will orgasm while having sex with a partner.

Have you tried sex toys? The most powerful, and the best sex toy on the market is the Hitachi Magic Wand. If I had just one toy - that would be it. It is expensive but worth every penny. It is electric so you wont be spending money on batteries - so 3 or 4 years fro m now it will actually be cheaper. And most sex toys break after a few months - and my Hitachi is going strong after 4 years of heavy use.

Have you experienced any sexual assault or did your parents teach you sex was bad? Those messages could still be in your head preventing you from enjoying sex. For that you need counseling or a very loving, patient sexual partner.

If you are interested in the lubrication or the Hitachi Magic Wand - both are available on my mini sex toy shop - http://www.sexsupport.org/toys.html.

Susan

Hi Susan, really need some advice! I am 23 years old and have been having sex since i was 18. I have never orgasimed with a guy or even by myself. I was with my last boyfriend for 2 years and i never cum, i have now starting seeing another guy who makes me feel great but again, NO ORGASIM! Its really frustrating as sometimes i think i feel close but nothing!
This may sound really wierd but i know what an orgasim feels like as when i cross my legs and rub quite hard (on my clit) i orgasim, the thing is i have been doing this since a young age (think i was natually experimenting) and obviously it felt nice, i didnt realise until i starting having sex that that must have been an orgasim. Will this have any effect on my ability to oragasim now?
The thing is i am sooo horny all the time, ive tried relaxing and falling into it but nothing, will i ever orgasim? Please help!!!!

Your masturbation technique has very little to do with whether you wil orgasm - but it could give you a clue as to what you need to orgasm. Obviously you need a lot of direct stimulation on your clitoris.

Vaginal sex doesn't give many women enough sensation to orgasm.

When someone else rubs your clitoris is is especially important to use lubrication. It makes things slide better - and allows them to exert more pressure without hurting you.

Lubrication also alllows you to use more pressure. But you make also want to try sex toys that vibrate and you can press again your clitoris. Since you seem to like a lot of pressure I would not use jelly or cyberskin - but hard plastic or rubber.

Hope this helps.
Susan