i am 17 and have been goin out with my girl friend 4 3 mounths and love her a lot
when we have been doin stuff i have not been able to cum this has happened with blow jobs and hand jobs every time she has tried it i have not cum
i get very erect but seem not to b able to cum
it feels very nice when she does it and i enjoy it
to start of with it did not seem a problem for the first few times but now we both see it as a problem
she thinks it is her fault but i know it is not she is now gettin upset about it do i have a medical problem or am i just nervouse
please help

David,

It is probably a combination of things. Your nerves is part of it. You now are working at it even harder and that makes it harder to happen.

Do you masturbate the day of or before? Don't masturbate for a few days before you are going to be together and that will help.

When men masturbate they know exactly what to do to make themselves orgasm and they usually are pretty rough on themselves. A woman rarely rubs, sucks as hard as a man uses his hands. It might feel wonderful - but it is also probably less friction than what you are used to.

With this you have three choices: 1. Be gentler with yourself when you masturbate so you get used to less stimulation, 2. Teach her to to mastrubate more like you, or 3. finish yourself pff yourself - lots of men do!

Susan

thanks for your help
i dont masturbate that often may b 2 times a week but even if i have not masturbated 4 a few days i stil have the same problem
when she first tried to give me head we were in my sitting room and my brother walked in just as she was gettin it out 4 me and i was put off that night because of that ever since then i have had this problem
when i was younger i had a problem that i was scared when ever girls came near me because i was inexperienced and was shy and used to feel sick how can i try and get over my nervous if it is that rather than masturbating

David,

That's your problem. It is simple. You are worried evey time you do it that your brother or someone else will walk in.

So your solution is to do it when absolutely noone could possibly walk in. And if that is not possible - then sorry but you are probably just sorta stuck.
Your mind is worried and so as long as your mind is worried this will keep happening. You can't get hard or ejaculate or orgasm when you are worried.

Susan

Hey man,

Yeah nervousness definitly seems to play a major part in what's happening. I know for me for a while though i could never come from blowjobs and still can't from handjobs.

Finally i just got really comfortable with the girl i was with and after a while i was able to and after that first time it just got easier and easier.

Things to try to help you out is make sure no one else is home like Susan is saying, try standing with her on her knees (that's what i need personally), close your eyes and fantasize while she's down on you, definitly talk to her and tell her exactly what you want, i've found that hj/bj combo at the same time is the best bet to make me come, make sure she can do it for a while =) b/c it took me something rediculous like 30-45 mins the first time for me, gets easier though as you aren't as nervous and worried.

Good luck to ya and let us know how it goes,

Mike

p.s. if after a few more months of trying you still can't come then you might be like some of the guys i know that just aren't able to come from bj's/hj's...but definitly give it some time before you decide to catagorize yourself in this...and my guess for my buddys' reasons are b/c they don't have resources like this forum to help them out! so you're already one step ahead of all of them

my bf doesntcme hen i give him head...he only does when i give him a and handjob..so doesnt hat meas he masturbates too much so my mouth doesnt work?...and i dunno even when i give him a handjb it doesnt work and he finished itoff himself...so i guess that means its him masturbating too much rite susan?...or is there anything else to i?

No Katie. There is no such thing as anyone - man or woman - masturbating too much, unless they stop doing the things they need to do to live well - like go to school, go to work, an have fun with their friends.

When I suggest a guy stop mastubating for a few days before he is going to have sex with his girlfriend - it is because he is having problems ejaculating when he is with her. If he stops masturbating for a few days before he sees her he wlil have to ejaculate so badly that he will ejaculate in her mouth or hand. Usually once you do it once or twice and get over your shyness about it- a guy will have fewer problems with ejaculation.

But some guys never get over their shyness, or they just never happen to get it right with a particular girl.

Sometimes this is because the girl doesn't understand the way a guy needs it to be done got him to ejaculate. Sometimes it is just because of no reason at all.

So when ths happens a guy needs to finish himself off. There is nothing wrong with this. So Katie, just be happy that you are able to do what you can do - and don't even think about it being anybody's fault.


Susan