BDSM (Erotic Power Exchange)
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism. Erotic power exchange is when people enjoy using power as part of the way they have sex. Bondage is tying people up. Discipline is when one person is the boss (the dominant) and other person has to do what the boss says (the submissive.) Sado-masochism is when one person (the sadist) causes pain (like spanking) or embarrassment. The masochist enjoys when someone causes pain or embarrasment to them. This is a sexual activity that both persons must agree to. Both people have power in this kind of relationship. The person who has the power has to understand what they can do or not do or they end up losing all their power. It can be dangerous if not done with respect and good communication

I still can't understand how people can get any sexual pleasure from tieing each other up, wearing leather outfits and beating each other. I watch a show called "Kink" that comes on fridays and it makes me sick seeing what these people will do. I saw one guy wrap his whole body in plastic wrap and then his girlfriend wrapped him in duct tape. There was only a small gap over his mouth in which he was able to breathe from. She even went as far as to put a piece of tape over his mouth to prevent him from breathing for about 10 sec. Susan, can you help me to understand why these wierd people do this?

Clay,

You stuff rolled up socks up your ass - and a lot of people think that is pretty outrageous and kinky. What is one person's kink is another person pleasure and another person's outrage.

There are people in this world who only enjoy sex when another person is in complete control of what they can and cannot experience. Being deprived of oxygen and potentially dying from lack of breath is the ultimate is giving another person control. If you are confident in a person's love for you - you are confident that they will take you to the brink of death and then save you from it. This confidence is a major turn-on --both for the person in control and the person being controlled. If there was no trust there would be no risk-taking.

Given your conservative moral values - why on earth do you watch a show like Kink?

Susan

Easy there Susan, you sound a little ruffled.

I'm not sure you can "pigeon hole" Clay's beliefs as Conservative. Some of them are, true, but others certainly are not. He doesn't seem to fit any mould.

Was this thread posted because of me and my comments in the other thread?

Oh and I know you were simply trying to explain to Clay why people would be excited from something like that, but please, if you explain why they like you might make me curious to try that someday :-O and I don't want that.

But seriously, this raises a question. Where would you draw a line on a "fetish activity"? I've read of some pretty outright frightening fetish activities in my time. There's one where people get off on the idea of having a limb amputated (I think I've read in the newspaper of people dying after a botched activity), there's one where people get off of dying from asphyxiation (another newspaper death), there's even one where people get off on cannibalism (an extreme case of this was the cannibal murderer of Germany a few months ago).

I realize human sexuality is a complex thing, and certain people have their kinks, but when activities start going as far as the one's in the previous paragraph, don't you think it's time to draw the line and say this is just too anti-social and these people should get some help?

Jim,

If my description of erotic power exchange got you curious I must be describing things objectively pretty well. I happen to be one of those people who intellectually comprehends BDSM - but really has no stomach for it and would prefer it not be done. I figure most people into BDSM need help. Likewise every fetish activity you describe desperately needs help.
I like sex simple and basic and find that the massive turn-on I get from that is enough.

Susan

Susan, I made a very life-like dildo out of old socks whether you believe it or not. Its a little larger than my own penis erect. Plus, when I use it, I put a small bag over it so that it slides in and out easily, so I really don't see how you can say that is outrageous.

Like Jim was saying, some people have died playing those bizzare sex games in which air is deprived from the submissive person. I still can't see how sensible people can do this to themselves and get some sort of bizzare pleasure out of suffocating.
I sometimes watch "kink", probably because its interesting to see what people will do to themselves for sexual enjoyment. Or maybe its because it gives me a sense of satisfaction knowing how much better I am than those wierd people.

By the way, have you ever practiced any BDSM with any of your boyfriends?

Clay,

It was not so much the dido that I think many people would find outrageous - it is a man who enjoys anal sex and still says he is a straight. I am not doubting you are straight - I am just saying that many people believe that any man who engages in anal sex is.

And as for your dildo - it may be perfectly serviceable - but many people would think creating a sex toy out of socks and plastic bags is outside of what they think is normal. If it floats your boat - I am all for it - but for many people it is outrageous.

Many many years ago I gave BDSM a whirl to try to understand it. I came to understand why they were into it - but it remained to me to be soenthing I had absolutely nointerest in.

Susan

Just out of curiosity Susan, what do you think of minor, harmless fetish activities. I think I saw one where people like getting pies in the face? I'm serious. Do they need help.

I agree btw that people into the serious things I listed in my other post need help. I asked as it seems these days there are so many that think anything people do for a sexual thrill is sacred, and shouldn't be questioned.

I think basically any fetish activity is ok as long as: 1. No is getting physically hurt; 2. No one is getting emotionally hurt; 3. It is consentual; and it does not compromise your health.

There are tons of things I would never do sexually. And there are a few things I enjoy sexually that are perhaps a bit outside the bounds of - absolutely straight conservative things your great grandparents would never do - but as long a I have a sexual partner that enjoys doing them as much as I do- it is a nonissue.

If to have an orgasm I needed a pie in the face and the guy I was having sex thought it was a turn-on to do it--weird - but OK - what does it really matter?

But if on the other hand I like to be cut during sex and liked it so much I didn't care who did it and how sanitary what they used to cut me was and I needed increasingly deeper cuts each time to have an orgasm - there is a big problem that needs to be resolved.

Susan

Susan, based on what other guys have been posting here, they seem kind of interested in anal masterbation. Maybe there are some who think its kind of gay, but I know I'm not gay, since I am not attracted to guys or would never consider having sex with another guy.

Clay,
I have no problem with anal masturbation. i bought my lover a special anal masturbation sex toy. What I do have a problem with is when the same person who gets off on anal masturbation daily is so disparaging of people who are gay. I think you will find that most people who share your attitude about gay sexual/ romantic relationships do not think it is OK for men to anal masturbate.
Susan

I see your point Susan. It sort of makes me look like a hypocrit, enjoying anal-masterbating and disapproving of homosexuality. Mind you, I won't go out in the open and admit that I like playing with dildos, because people will surely think I'm a queer. That's why I like your forum so much, its anonymous.

Internalized homophobia is very common.

Thank you for your comment Nick.