susan iam 14 n my boyfriend is 17 we love eachotther very much and we been together for 7 moths. i was wondering my boyfriend turns 18 on december, so would it be illlegal if me and him had sex????
It would be illegal for you to have sex now. And it will continue to be illegal until you are over 16. it is a felony.
If you do have sex and your parents are unhappy about it - he could go to jail for statutory rape - it does not matter if it is ok with you. It actually is not ok if it is OK with our parents either. If the police found out he would go to jail until he was at least 21.
If he is 18 it is even worse. Not only would he go to jail, but he would be put on a registry as a sexual offender FOR LIFE. Any time he applied for a job or tried to rent an apartment the people would find out he was a sex offender. His name might be published in the newspaper as a sex offender A sex offender list ois on the internet and any way can read it. When your name is put on one of these registries your life is baiscally over. It is actually worse than jail. ( If he was under 18 his name stays on the registry only until he is 21 - but if he wants to go to college - forget it!)
Susan
cristina (no login)
Re: illegal?
August 18 2004, 11:58 PM
the sounds very upsetting. but i know if my mom ever find out about me n him she wouldnt do anything against him cuz she likes him very much. but susan do u think i should leave him wat should i do i really like him?
Only you can decide what to do. But you are very far apart in ages. When you are both older it is not so much - but right now it is.
He is an adult man. As part of a relationship he may expect sex - for an adult married or unmarried person this is pretty ordinary/common/typical. To ask him to expect to have an exclusive/monagamous relationship with you for 2 more years without sex is asking a lot.
You are not an adult - no matter how much you feel like one. The reason it is illegal for you two to have sex is that it is not so ordinary for two fourteen year olds to have sex. Some do - but most don't. When a younger person has a relationship with an older person - it is hard for the older person to sacrifice what they feel they need as the adult they are.
To me it appears you have 3 choices:
1. Break off the relationship and just be friends for the next two years. If it is meant to be a long term relationship he will still be around. If he isn't - then he probably wouldn't have been even if you two had sex.
2. Continue the relationship but make it clear there will be no sex until you are 16. Let him have relationships with others. These relationships can include sex if he wants it.
3. Continue the relationship and have sex. But be sure no one - not your friends or his friends know. If a teacher finds out you are having sex with him BY LAW the teacher has to report it to the police. They could lose their job if it was found out they did not report it. Also, your parents may like him, but liking him and being OK about him having sex with their daughter is very different. If you are planning to have sex - tell them first- before you ever do it. Have your mom help you get and use a birth control method. Being 14 and pregnant is no fun!
What would I do? When I was 14 I wasn't so smart - so I probably would risk it and have the sex and not tell my parents. But now I am older and I know that we have the opportunity to love a lot of people in our lives. If he is the right one to love for a lifetime - he will still be around in two years. That's not the easiest decision - but that is the smartest one.