Hi...................
I`ve nearly never had a real girlfriend in my life.........I always manage to flirt but the rlationship never realy starts.
Is it bad to flirt?
and how do I continue the relationship from there?

yours truely
JakŁ

Jake,

In my opinion you are too young for a relationship. Now is the time to have fun learning about yourself and learning about how to relate to other people. Flirting is one way of doing this. After you flirt though it is time to evaluate the response you got to your flirting.

Did she laugh at your jokes?
Did she listen and not look around?
If she was standing did she sit near you?
Did she look in your eyes?

All these are signs to go past flirting and get into a conversation.

What is she interested in? - If you don't know ask her.
What do you two have in common? If you don't know experiment with possibilities - ask her if she watched the same TV program you did last night - or take the same class at school and like the teacher?

If having a couple of conversations is successful - then it is time to try to do something together. If you have had good conversations you will have a good idea of what to do together. A date alone? a group date? A date where you both meet at something happening and are not really together on a date?

Have lots of dates. Have dates with others. Let her have dates with others. Don't get serious before you are ready to be serious. Dating should be fun. When I went to school I didn't date - I just had 2 serious boyfriends one from 12- 15 and another from 15-18. When I went to college I realized how little I understood about myself and what I wanted from a relationship. I had to date a lot before I knew what I wanted. I thought the only kind of relationship that would work for me was the kinds I was in - I had to learn that other kinds of relationships were possible.

Kids today IMO get into serious relationships far too quickly - before they even know what they really want for themselves or from a relationship - and then they are in a relationship they discover isn't really a good fit for them and they are stuck.

I have a quiz on my website because I noticed how often what one person wants is so different than what the other person wants. My boyfriend wants me to do X and I don't want to, My girlfriend doesn't like to do X and I want her to, all her friends says she likes X but I am a Y - should I try to have a relationship with her? The quiz isn't for flirting - but it is for when you want to go past flirting - past real communication- and think about a relationship. http://www.sexsupport.org/sexqa.html

Being a teenager is a time to learn how to be an adult - not to be an adult.
Have fun!

Susan

I agree, kids today are rushing too fast to be adults. Take my 16 year old cousin for example. He already has a serious girlfriend, which he tells me he is cheating on, and they are already talking about getting married in a few years. Mind you, their parents don't like the idea too much. He also told me of the many girls that he has had sex with, many of whom were virgins. It just sickens me to hear about it.

Dear Susan.
I have some issues about relationships. Im 16 and im totaly in love with this girl and she is in love with me but the thing is that we are to shy to confront eacother with it. We are in love for more then a year but still nothing happends and i don't find it weird because i just cant feel comfortable with her. I notice all the time that she's looking at me , but i just dont have the guts to look back. I know there could be eye contact and thats a good first step but i just cant. Last year i managed to do it and smiled at her but that was it and even if we had more eye contact im so scared to talk to her. Multple times i was close to her and wanted to talk to her but the words just wont come out.
But it aint just with her. There were other girls in love with me and i also was in love with other girls before but im just to affraid to talk to those girls. U see when im not in love with a girl i have no trouble at all to talk to them but if i am, then im just a big chicken.
Now she's also quite shy, but in the end of last year i discoverd that it was only the case with me, because i overheard some girls telling that she was at a disco and she had was kissing this guy who was about 2 years older then her all night and probably danced with her. When i heard it i was so angry with her, i mean i was calling her a biatch in my mind, but i raelised that i couldn't blame her, because she wasnt my girlfriend. I was wondering how exectly it happend. Some months later i saw how easy it was for her to do it. She walked to this spanich loverboy type of guy were she didn't hang out to my knoledge and she just flirted with him with her body, she danced before him and then the guy took her to the bathroom and she hold his hand and she looked at me for a sec and she just broke my hart.
Now with this new year she was seated in front of me this one time and it was the worst lesson ever, we just looked the other way and she said real quiete a curse word , but i could hear it do. But the damm thing is is that we are still in love with eachother and shes stills keeps looking at me And i just dont know what to do.
Please could u give me some advice?

Sorry, but you aren't goiong to like what I have to say. You are not in love with her--you are in love with the idea of her. Love is much more than what you describe. And it sounds like she is leading you on. I think you need to put this girl out of your mind and move on!

Susan

There is a big difference between being "in love" and being "in lust." Being in love with someone is consentual and mutual between the two people and is long term. Being in lust is often a fleeting one way attraction. I think you are in lust with this girl.

Well u know i am not english, so i dont know exactly what terms are te be taken for surtain things. This could mean that i thought it was the correct way of saying it, but to your eyes it says a hole different thing and that u dont understand me quite well. For me talking about being in lust is like wanting sexual things - just weird.

Beep,

I understand there can be a difference in language.

Love is something you feel when you know a person very well. It happens when you talk and talk and talk and know that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You and this girl do not talk - so you can't be in love with her. You can think she looks good and you can want to have sex with her or to get to know here better.

But the fact that she looks at you like she is interested in you, but she calls you a bad word - means she is not really interested in you the way are in her.

Susan

Hey Susan, how do you feel about public displays of affection? When I was riding my bike in the park, I saw two people kissing; the girl was on top of the guy and they were making out pretty good. Now I liked watching them go at it, but I was concerned for the young children that were also at the park. I don't think they should be exposed to that stuff, but I suppose that is up to their parents.

At a public park I think people need to be a bit more discreet than you describe - but I am Ok with some public affection (kissing, hugging, hand holding) - and that means both gay and straight public affection.

Susan

Thanks susan

I`ll wait a couple more years then.
but I`ll still keep flirting

Good! Enjoy the flirting. When you are really ready for a relationship you will have better relationships because you waited. It might seem hard sometimes - but I promise you- you wil not regret it!

Susan

Thanks susan for the support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yours truely
JakŁ