Hey susan,
I must say I love your site. Have spent almost 3 hrs now reading at some of the posts.
I am 21, and my wife just turned 22 yesterday. When I met her I was a vergin. Now this is where my question comes into play. When she 1st had sex (before me) she was with an older man (31) and they started to have sex. She said when he went in, it didnt hurt that much but he started to get to a point that felt uncomfortable and she pushed him off. She didnt have that much sex after that because she was scared of it, and when she did she mostly was on top because she wanted to be incontrol. He passed away due to cancer, and we met back up (we used to date in Hs) Anyways we started having sex (this was a year of her having no sex all together. Today (which has been a year) we had sex in the "legs in the air position" and she complained she felt the same pain that she felt when he tried to penitrate when she 1st tried sex. My question is is it the hymen or what? we can have sex in other positions but that one just hurts her. My penis is not extremely large (about 7"), neither is she a big girl (very tiny). We also been trying to have kids for a little over a year and have had no success.. Any ideas? can the 2 be connected? plz lemme know. Thanks for your time
My guess is that your wife has a vagina that is not very deep. And that in soem postions where you get in deep (legs in air would be one) you are hitting her cervix. For most women this can be painful. Nothing you can do about it but to avoid positons where you go in deeply at that angle.
But, she should also have a vaginal exam. It is possible she has an infection or condition of some sort of her cervix that's makes contact painful. This condition could also make getting pregnant difficult. If she has not had a pelvic exam and wants to get pregannt - that is where I would start if I were her.
Kenneth
A pap smear would be part of it. It detects abnormal cells in the cervix. But the doctor would also do some other typical female tests to be sure she doesn't have some sort of infection women are inclined to get in her fallopian tubes, or other inside parts.
Well I talked to my wife. What did you mean by woman are inclined to get in their falopian tubes and other parts? She never even fingered herself LOL. So would a regular pap smear have showed there being any problem assosiated with this? what would be the cause of not getting pregnant? I see several ppl worried about a little sperm touching their vigina and worried about getting pregnant is that true? If that is why cant she? We've been trying a little over a year now and nothing. I made her go to the doctor about 6 months ago and they said it was probably just my penis is a little larger then she can handle. That was in question to the pain she was havin in that position, But this has me wondering if the pain, and not getting pregnant have anything in common. let me know what you think./
Women get infections in their various female parts from things other than sex. The fallopian tubes are deep inside and have nothing to do with whether she has ever fingered herself. ( Why on earth hasn't she? That indicates to me that she is likely very unfamilar with her body and probably would have no clue if something were wrong.)
Your size in certain positions could be a cause for pain. But so could a pelvic inflamatory infection. PID in its earliest stages can have no symptoms - but painful sex can be one of them. If you or she has had multiple partners before getting maried - this could have caused PID. So can an IUD - inter-uternine device.
Endometriosis is another conditon women may have - that is when cells growing normally start to grow abnormally and in places they don't belong - a pap smear detects that. It also makes it hard to get pregnant. If she has this she probably has irregular periods that may be painful and she may have back aches.
Polycystic Ovarian syndrome is cause of infertility, painful sex - and is often overlooked by doctors. It i smuch more common that was previously thought.
Being over weight or underweight can cause difficulty in getting pregannt. Over exercise ( note OVER) can be a cause of infertility. Smoking has found to affect fertility - so if either of you smoke- stop. Some drugs cause infertlity.
The cause of infertility - the inability to get pregnant - is 40% of the time caused by something wrong with the woman, 40% wrong with the man, 10% wrong with both, and 10% unknown.
A simple test you could have is to have your sperm tested. You ejaculate into a cup. Then they see how many sperm you have and how fast they travel. Slow sperm has a harder time reaching where it needs to go to get a woman pregnant. Not enough sperm reduces your chances.
Does she keep track of when she ovulates? Do you have sex then? Do you have sex/masturbate too often - when you want to get pregnant if can be important to not ejaculate too often or at the wrong times. Do you ride a bike ALOT - or use a hot tub? - both activities can be sperm killers. Smoking slows down sperm.
There are lots of things you can doto increase your chances of getting pregnant - but the first thing you need is a doctor who is willing to look seriously into your problem of painful sex. It is not enough for a doctor to say it is probably the size of your penis causing the problems unless he has examined you or she is exceedingly small. To me it sounds like you need a need a better doctor and perhaps one that speciallized in infertility. I don't think you need to see an infertility speciallist yet- just a doctor who is sensitive to the problem.
Intresting reading. how is pelvic inflamatory infection detected? She has never used a Intrauterine Device. We went to the hospital and had them do a pap smear because we thought it might be Endometriosis for sure, but they said no. how is Polycystic Ovarian syndrome detected? You said being underweight could cause this problem, is 97 pounds enough? Thats how much she weighs. We both smoke, I know that doesnt help either. We really dont know how to keep track of ovulation. But was told to do it 14 days after or something like that (my aunt told her to do it one her days and gave her the days), But yes we have had sex on those days too.
You mentioned "Do you have sex/masturbate too often - when you want to get pregnant if can be important to not ejaculate too often or at the wrong times. Do you ride a bike ALOT - or use a hot tub? - both activities can be sperm killers. Smoking slows down sperm"
We have tried to do it alot, A little, and even only a couple times a month. We got to a point where we even tried like 3 times a day for a whole month. Very big disappointment.
We both dont ride bikes, Nore even sit in the tub, Just shower.
When we went to the doctor, They did say it was my size and because she is such a small girl it was possible for that to be completly the reason, But we demanded a pap smear and they said everything was ok.. Lemme know what ya think.
As far as PID, She only had 1 partner before me, And there was not a "Full" penitration. More like a soft thing touching her lol...
PSSS: What are the wrong times to ejaculate in her? how many is too many.. Sorry for all the post but you got my mind working, And were just curious about why were not getting what we want LOL
It is a sperm viability test. You ejaculate into a cup at the doctor's office. They put some of it under the microscope and take a look. You can also do a home test - but it just checks for numbers of sperm - it can identify only one of many possible problems.
Susan
FertilMARQ™ Male Infertility Test
The new FDA approved FertilMARQ™ Male Infertility Test is an easy-to-use screening test to measure your sperm concentration in the privacy of your home. No embarrassing doctors visits where you traditionally have had to "produce" a sample for analysis.
* Measures sperm concentration in semen
* A simple test performed in the privacy of your home
* FDA approved
The most fertile time for a woman is 3-5 days (ovulation) before her menstrual period starts until it starts. So the wrong time to ejaculate inside her is 4-6 days before her menstrual period will start.
The male body makes sperm constantly. It never stops. But the sperm doesn't go ( it just dies after about 5 days) anywhere until you ejaculate. So you generally have the greatest quantity of sperm inside you after 4 days of not ejaculating. So to optimize your chances to get her pregnant - you need to know when she ovulates and not ejaculate more than once every four days except during ovulation when after you have done it once do it as many times as possible.
thanx for your help.. what do you mean?
The most fertile time for a woman is 3-5 days (ovulation) before her menstrual period starts until it starts. So the wrong time to ejaculate inside her is 4-6 days before her menstrual period will start.
so are you saying that 4-6 days before is bad, but 3-5 days before is right? dont the mix with each other
PID can be caused by YOU having had lots of partner before her. (That's only one way.) It comes from something that you could carry that causes men no problerms.
If you both smoke that is a big problem. Are you both planning to smoke around the baby? Quit now for your baby's health and it will help you get a baby.
If I am understanding you correctly your wife goes to the hospital for a doctor- so she doesn't have a regular doctor? If you want help with this the best thing to do is to establish a relationship with a doctor who will help you.
97 pounds in light. It could be contributing to the problem. Underweight women often have trouble getting pregnant.
If she had a pap smear that eliminates some problems, but not all. You had to demand a pap smear? Pap smears are very routine - if she hadn't had one in a year they should have told her she needed one. You need to have an ongoing relationship with a doctor - not just who ever is available at a hospital clinic.
Ovulation is a long complicated topic. There are tests to see if you are ovulating. But first your wife needs to understand better how her and your body works. It is no wonder she has not gotten pregnant - you are just trying things without any understanding of how her body works.
First she needs a calendar.
Every single morning BEFORE she does anything else she needs to take her temperature. Don't drink anything, don't sit up. Mark the time in her calendar. Buy the best basal thermometer you can afford. ( When a woman is ovulating her temperature usually is higher than when she is not.)
Next she needs to get some of her vaginal lubrication on her finger. Rub it between her fingers. Is it thin like water? Or is it more elastic- and get sticky quickly? Put in her calendar----D = dry (no lubrication - right after she stops menstruating) t= thin T= thick (Just before a woman ovulates her vaginal lubrication usally gets very thin - almost like water. That is when she is USUALLY the most fertile.) If she is menstruating she needs to put a star on the calendar. There are test kits you can buy for this - they cost about $40.
The first day she bleeds from menstruation is called day 1 of her cycle. Women's cycles last anywhere from 21 to36 days.
After 3 months you might notice a pattern. After 6 months if you don't see a pattern- that indicates a problem. A doctor can look at your calendar and sometimes figure out that something wrong is going on.
BTW this is a good thing to do if you want or you don't want to get pregnant. It gives you information about how your body works and you have a better idea when you are fertile and when you are not. It is not a very reliable method to prevent pregancy unless you keep records every single day for at least six months and there is a CONSTANT pattern.
I'll see f I can find a good boo to recommend to you and get back to you on that.
Susan
Until you know when she ovulates - it is really hard to figure out the good days. So what could be a good day for one woman would be a bad day for another woman. That is why there is an overlap.
is this statement true? ovulation occurs about fourteen days prior to menstruation??
We are bot learning together about ovulation days (its funny cuz I seen this in a calander on a rosanne episode (LOL) and on cyclespage they have a ovolation calander. I am gonna give it a wirl lemme know if the about is correct. Thanx again
The reason for the calendar is to determine how many days in a woman's menstrual cycle and to determine when she ovulates on average. ON AVERAGE ovulation begins 14 days before the menstrual period starts. Some women ovulate for many more days and others many less. I ovulate some months and other months I don't ( and that is in part why I am infertile.). Some women even ovulate more than once in a month. Menopause is when a woman stops ovulating permanently - usually between 50 and 65 years of age.
Bodies are not computers. This is not exact science.
Oh and the other thing. When she is ovulating - neither of you should drink alcohol. Alcohol makes it harder to get pregnant. And if either of you drink a lot- start drinking less. ( Some is fine.)
Ok lets say ovulation occurs 14 days before the period begins. They say on this calander
"the day shown in bright green is the date of projected ovulation" and "The days shown in lighter green are the days that you are most likely to be fertile" would it be best to do it on the days that are bright green (the day ovolation starts) or the days before and after it?
Cuz on the calander it projects that her next period will be sept 24th, Then saying on sept 10th her ovulation day.. but the days that are supposed to be firtle is 7th,8th,9th,and 11th. So would it be best to just do it from the 7th - 11th, or not on the 10th because thats when the ovolation is beginning>??
Thank you so much for your time.. I as a man, As well as my wife supposed to know this have learned so much
Is there a way, Other then this calander to tell when ovolation actually occours.. damn i am taking all your time, I know.. But I gotta love reading on this
Yea there is another way- there is a machine you can buy and test her saliva or cervical mucous/ vaginal lubrication. That is what costs about $40.00 and then another $15.00 each month for the replacement testers each month. But that only helps with one things--you still need the calendar for the rest.
You can't the calendar? Sure you can handle a baby?
I don't know what calendar you are looking at - but it differs from the advice I would give you. Until she ovulates she cannot get pregnant. Sperm can live awhile - so she can get pregannt if you ejaculate inside her before she ovulates.
What I would recommend is to have no sex at all- not even masturbation from now until the 11th. That way you have the maximum sperm stored. Then be sure you ejaculate inside her with her in a position on her back. Then she should stay laying down with her legs raised on pillows for atleast an hour- longer if she can manage it.
