Ive been with my partner 5 years and in the beggining i treated him really badly because before him in past relationship i was treated so badly so i swore to myself i would never let it happen again and belive me i didnt i used that term "treat em mean keep em keen" and the 2 relationships befor this partner it actually worked they wanted me so badly and never stoped calling i thought it was great but inside i was so cut off i never let myself feel anything anyway while going out with 1 of these men i met my partner whom i met though work we were friends first and then something developed and anyway i ended up dumping my ex to be with him. he was the most amazing man i had ever met me and my friends called him the 1 in a billion man cos he was just unreal where as thoughs other men were either to lovey or to touchy feely or to mucho or to suffocating or just cheating he just had every thing in the right place (exsept the cheating of corse) but knowing me i just took it all for granted and it was like i was testing him i mean being horrible to him all the time just trying to see how long it would take for him to slip up and be like all the rest i use to do things like start arguments walk out and just leave him where ever we was even if we were in the park or in a restaurant any where i was a total bitch but he kept trying never givin up hope and also i nearly forgot i was actually his first parner in a relationship and sexually. anyway 1 year down the line i fell pregnant we were both very confused cos we were both only 17!!
but both very much in love. but when the baby came along every thing changed id put on and extra 2-3 stone and was no longer slim and refused to go out because i was so embarrased of my weight and it was like the rolls totally changed he no longer beged for me to stay but it was me beggin him to when we had an argument.
he also works to support our family and now as loads of female friends who adore him and really admire the fact that he was a young father who stuck by his partner and child and every time i go thiugh his phone all these female have text him and at the end of every text there an xxxxx (which i suspect stands for kiss) and also when we went out on friday night to a bar i saw him with his arms around another womens waist (this is 1 of the wemen he works with) which i was fuming with an went over and grabed him by the shirt and pulled him away(as you can tell im not the shy type) he was quit shocked i do know some of his work mates and they are nice but i find it so hard to trust people also he is starting college on monday and im sure he will meet other peaple there too im so scared that i will just be left behind because even when he gos out with his work mates he never invites me and when i question him about it he just says its because he wants some free time which i just cant understand because he probley sees his work mates more then me cos he works full time!!!!!!!! i really dont want him to think of me as the boring nagging house wife because im not but i dont know what else to do ive tryed telling him my feeling but he says i just dont stop and know matter what he does its never enough and ive tryed keepen my opinions to myself and things stared to go great and i stoped phoning him all the time and he stared ringing me more but when i was doin this i felt things were just building up and up and i was just being fake so as much as he liked that me i hated it!!!!! please please please susan and anybody else HELP ME im really really DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Claire,

It sounds to me like you need to get a life. You need to get involved in doing stuff on your own so you are not so depeendent on your husband for your social life. Take some classes, go to the leisure center, visit museums, go birdwatching, do somehtingthatmakes you happy. Then you won't need your husband so much.
Susan

The following post is full of horrid, unacceptable comments made while I was away and left the forum unmoderated. There are posts that follow that are excellent responses to this - so I will let this post stand as is.

So all of you know - I will not ban Clay - BUT I will not edit his posts anymore. If a post needs to be edited- it will be deleted. So get your act together Clay or no more wil be heard from you again!
Susan


Claire, next time please use paragraphs and decent sentence structure. I found it quite difficult reading your post as it just sort of went on and on. If your husband likes spending so much time with other females, why don't you spend some time with male friends and see how he likes it. Do onto others as they would do onto you, thats what I believe. Also, try not to appear to be too needy/dependent on your husband. Some men prefer the "independent" woman type as opposed to the traditional housewife.

You also might want to get in shape as you mentioned that you put on some extra weight after having your baby. That would give you some more self-confidence, something I guess we all could use a little extra of. Lets face it, guys like attractive, sexy looking women as opposed to women who just "let themselves go over time." Its unfortunate, but thats just how a lot of people are. Please don't think that I'm being rude (as I am often accused of), I'm just telling it how it is without any bullshit.

Finally, if I were in your position, I too would be concerned of all the female companions that your husband has. Like you mentioned, he is young and has a family to whom he is committed to. Many women will find this very desireable, since it shows that he is a good provider and takes good care of his children, and this is something I'm certain all women are looking for in a man. Good luck with him.

Susan, I apologize ahead of time if this offends you, but I really felt the need to say something.

Clay, I really disagree with your advice. First of all that you would tell someone to use sentence structure and paragraphs as there have been times that I read your messages and had to re-read them more than once to understand what you are talking about. Second Susan has said before that this is an open forum where people need to ask their questions and get answers with out worrying about their spelling.

Second, playing games, especially when people are married, will never solve problems. People need to be honest with themselves and their spouse. If Clair were to start hanging out with guys to get back at her husband it will only cause more stress. I tried this once, and my boyfriend never saw my side of things, it only caused more problems and distrust.

Also, maybe Claire needs to be more independent for herself and not because her man might like it. Girls do not need or have do things because it is what men like. I also feel this way about your advice to her on loosing weight. She does not need to loose weight because that's what men like. That comment made me especially mad because our society has put too much emphasis on how we look and I gather that you also put an emphasis on looks. If a person wants to put an emphasis on looks for THEMSELVES that's great, but it does not need to come from other people telling them to do so. What she needs to do is something that will make her feel good about herself. There are overweight people in our world who are incredibly happy, and I envy them. Because I would rather die overweight and happy than live to be 110 with a sexy body with no friends. By the way I am not overweight, not skinny but not overweight. I just like myself for who I am.
The

The other thing I would like to tear apart is that she does not need to be worried about her husband having female friends, she just needs to know if she really trusts him or not. My boyfriend has many female friends and I trust him completely because I know that he is dedicated to me and only to me. I know who he is coming home to and that is all that matters.

I have read many of your messages and you make me mad sometimes because I think it is intimidating that you will respond to so many messages that I feel I might not always want to post or I might want to post anonymously. You are more than welcome to write back and tear my message up if you like. But on this post your advice seems very immature and unfounded. I hope my message structure and paragraphs are to your liking so that you can read them. Ali

Ali, I'm sorry if I offended you with my previous message. That was not my intent at all. I also don't like how society places such a high emphasis on how we look, but that's just how it is and you either look your best or you don't. People in general don't like overweight people. I consider them fat slobs who can't control the food that they put into their mouth. They would be much more healthier if they were in shape. Notice I used the word "in shape" when I posted that message to Claire. I didn't say that she should be skinny or anorexic, because guys don't really like overly skinny girls either.

You also mentioned that there are many overweight people that are incredibly happy. I highly doubt that. Most of them want to lose the excess weight and try their best to do so. I would rather be slim and sexy than overweight any day. Claire should be concerned with her husbands female friends, because she even mentioned that she saw her husband with his arms around one of his female co-workers and pulled him away. At least he wasn't kissing them or worse, having sex with them.

Finally, you should feel comfortable and not intimidated by my posts, and post some more replies to the messages that I have posted. I am interested in hearing your opinions on some of the other threads that I have posted on. And yes, your sentence structure is acceptable.

My parents are overweight, I wouldn't say overly bad but they are very happy and we have so many other things to talk about in life than looks. Yes they mention wanting to loose weight, but it is not a primary concern because there are too many other important issues to thin of. People who are not happy are not happy with themselves internally. Those are my thoughts.

And with her husband having his arm around other women is subjective. Were they hugging and groping? Or were they merely friends giving a slight hug? You only have her point of view and I bet she was very mad and it's possible she over-reacted. My guy friends who are purely guy friends and nothing else give me hugs all the time and put their arms on my waist. No big deal.

Oh and for Claire, I think the xxxx's are for hugs. Because xoxo means hugs and kisses, I would think that they would follow the same order in listing, if that makes sense.

wow, very ignorant and offensive calling people fat slobs. I'm shocked. that's so shallow.

shame on you. bigotry has no place here.

Nick

LISTEN CLAY if i wanted advice on my sentances i would have posted the question PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY SENTENCES!!!!!!!but i didn't say that did i!!!!!!! and next time if you find it so hard to read why take the bother to read it MR KNOW IT ALL
also you said that men like SEXY SLIM WEMEN firstly IM A VERY SEXY MEDITERANION WOMEN WITH A STUNNING LOOKING FACE
and more men then you think like big wemen thanks very much AND I AM FAR FROM A FAT SLOB AND BEFORE OPENING YOUR OVER ACTIVE MOUTH AND CONSIDER EVERY FAT WOMEN AS SOMEONE WHO CANT CONTROLL THERE EATING HOW DO U KNOW THAT THEY HAVE'NT GOT A MEDICAL PROBLEM THAT GOT THEM LIKE THAT IN THE FIST PLACE. You know the reason for my not going out when i put on weight was because of idiots like u i was very scared of what u would think of me and what u would say but now i have lost a stone and im still quite big and i really couldnt give 2 **** what u say because your probley one of these men who have to sit behind a computer screen all day to voice his opions and your over active mouth is probley making up for some thing that u lack in your PANTS MR PERSONALITY!!!!!!!!! and your opions are rubbish and horrible there is no helpful remark in there




LOVE CLAIRE

ps clay have you ever had a girlfriend i doubt it and if u "say" u have one my opion is that she is imaginary bacuse any girl in there right mind would'nt date a idiot like u (i would have love to use stronger language but know i cant)

AND THANKS ALI FOR YOUR HELPFUL COMMENTS

I agree with you Nick...Clay could have been a little nicer. Susan is not here to moderate these post otherwise that would have never been printed. Making rude remarks really hurts people who are already sensitive about how they look. These people have hearts and souls like everyone else.
Some of the nicest people I've ever met have been a little overweight.
I had a problem with weight, too... thirty years ago; saw myself moving up in clothes sizes, looked in the mirror and finally said, "That's enough!" I was 20 lbs over. Since then, I have reduced my weight ( thats the hard part) to where I want to be and I'm staying there, forever. Simply, I leave food on my plate and push it away. Recognizing these bad foods is half the battle. It hurts when I watch others eat sundaes or huge portions of tasty food, but I'm going to continue in this new lifestyle of eating less fatty foods. It wasn't easy for me to do, but I'm glad I did it.

I know how tough it is for overweight people in our society. My older sister is overweight by 25 lbs and my best friend is overweight by about 25 lbs as well. I am happy that they are both trying to lose their excess weight as I know that it will benefit them in the long run. I'm sorry for saying "fat slobs" in the other post, but that's just how I see them. Jerry Springer used to have the fattest of the fattest people on his show and I used to watch them and wonder how they could possibly let themselves "grow" to 800 lbs?

Nick, I try to be considerate of others, but you know I'm really not a very nice person.

Susan i do go out quite abit and i take my child to park,zoo and other places to i also have asocial life with friends on a weekend and really enjoy it but what i was trying to say in that other message which i probley was'nt puting across properly is that m very jealous.
When i first had my child i did stop going out because it was such a shock to see my self without a baby in side just me FAT,before having my child i was a size 8-10 after having my child i went up to a size 16 BIG SHOCK and im only 5'1. I just want to learn not to be jealous and not to mind when he gos out with who ever male or female. We do have a loveing relationship but i suppose you always want more and seeing him with friends make me jelous because it reminds me of what we had before we had our child when we had no responsibilitie and we were living with our parents and we could just go out with out any worrys. As much as we love each other susan were both 21 an being very responsible and thats hard

You CAN be a nice person if you want to. I told you to read your posts before you submit them. You make several decent posts and then you get suddenly get stupid. The people that come here are sensitive.
Apparently, one or more of the following is true:

A. You don't want to listen to me.

B. You don't think I know what I'm talking about.

c: You don't care what Susan thinks or anybody else thinks.

D. You really don't want to post here anymore.

E. You really like apologizing to everybody.

F. You're upset cause you aren't getting any......

attention.

Aren't you tired of apologizing to Susan and others? I'm beginning to wonder if you really care. I suppose I got to listen to one more..... on your knees.... tears running.... boring...... "Please Susan...give me one more chance!" post.
C'mon Clay.....You could avoid all this.

Your right Gregorio. We have to stop this cycle of insensitive posts and then apologizing after. It's beginning to get quite tiresome. I suppose I can be a bit more nice/sensitive to people when they post here, but at the same time, they post here to hear the honest opinions of others, not some sugar coated encouragement. I try to say things that others may be thinking but are too afraid/intimidated to say. Might as well just tell it like it is; that's my philosophy. If people are hurt by it, well that's life.

Clay, I agree honesty is best, but bigotry is not. and some of what you have said is honest only to you and is not factual. Discrimination is wrong and I really think that you need to start listening to how you sound to others, no matter what you really feel. I don't know how old you are but in the real world sometimes that much honesty just won't get you very far. Especially if your boss is overweight.

Sounds to me like you are not quite ready to be an adult. I mean I know you are an adult with adult responsibilities, but that these came sooner than what you are prepared for.

You husband is acting his age. And he isn't quite ready to settle down to be a one man woman.That doesn't mean he is cheating on you- just means he hasn't- and may never come to the point where his life completely revolves around you.

Women seem to want this ( being the center of a someones's universe) much sooner than men do. A woman's expectations of a man are often different than what he expects of himself. This is one of those things you learn as you grow older. People are different with different needs. Couples needs to strike a balance between compromise and accepting differences.

I think the two of you would really benefit by a few sessions of marriage counseling. You two are not on the same page in your marriage and you need to figure out how to get there. it probably means you need to learn to trust more - but it also probably means he needs to learn s to keep his roving Xs in check a bit.

Look in the phone book - there are lots of free and low cost marriage counselors around.

Susan

Susan, please don't delete this message. Claire verbally attacked me and I should be able to respond to that.

Claire, your last message was very mean, much more so than any of mine I believe. I posted a response to your desperate message trying to tell you rationally how you could improve your situation, such as going to the gym and working-out. This is something that others probably would not tell out of fear that you would misinterpret it and think that I was ridiculing you, which I mentioned in the post that I wasn't.

Next thing, I didn't say that men like "slim sexy women." If you had taken the time to properly read what I said, you would have realized that I was giving you some helpful pointers. I meant that you could lose some extra weight so that you could look sexier for your husband. You should send a picture for Susan to post on the forum, then we can all decide if you really are a "SEXY MEDITERANION WOMEN WITH A STUNNING LOOKING FACE." I highly doubt it.

As for what you said about me lacking something in my pants, I'm going to assume you think I have a small penis. If you really want to know, when it is erect, it is about 6 inches which is average.

And as for having a girlfriend. No I don't have a girlfriend, but I'm working on that. I don't plan on settling for some trashy girl I find at a bar. I'll have a decent girlfriend when the time is right.

Clay,

When will you get it!!!!! You did attack Claire. You did violate the rules of the forum. I do not care about sentence structure or spelling - I care about people's feelings. You do not seem to care about people's feelings at all - but when they attack you in return you yell you are being attacked.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I am a fat woman. My lover thinks I am gorgeous. I know other people see only a fat woman and never see beyond that. You are one of those people. You have a lot to lose by not looking beyond the face of things.

Susan

Claire at the moment me and my partner waiting for an appointment from a marriage counseller. U also Said that u thought my partner was not ready to be a one man women (i know you did'nt mean cheating but do u think in the future it might happen). because your right all this responsibilities did come so soon. but i really love him so much i would hate to lose him. As for my Jealousie About him going out i dont tell him i keep it all to my self because in the past when i have it just ends up in a row. So now i keep it bottled up most of the time. you said that u think were not on the same page i've felt that for a long time and i really hope we can get there i mean on the same page. see i have'nt had one of the best up brings so trust is such a big issue for me. But thanks so much for your advice it really means alot your advice about U NEED TO GET A LIVE was a bit of a wake up call but i know u meant it in a nice way. and thanks for puting CLAY in his place

Love Claire

Claire,

Jealosy comes from lack of trust. So marriage counseling will help you learn to trust your husband more.

Your husband needs to understand what he does that makes you jealous. That way when he does something he knows might make you jealous he can reassure you.

This is not something that wil happen overnight. It wil take work on both your parts.

Some men always like to look at and interact with other women- and they never change. You wil learn in time if this is the kind of man your guy is that he doesn't love you less for it---he just has a roving eye- but not roving hands.

Clay deserved what i said. He also deserved what others said.

Susan