Hi susan i dunno if this is a problem or not but i just can't cum when my gf goes down on me and jerks me off. i find that the only time i can is when im actually inside her having sex.

Esko

Hey Esko,

A lot of guys can't come from getting head or jerking off. So no it's not a problem. I couldn't for the longest time untill finally i found someone i could just totally relax with and then after some patients on her part and some time i was able to. After the first few times of being able to though it starts happening more often and more easily. If you do a quick search on the forum you'll find that a few other people have had this problem too and you'll see some other responses to them too.

Later,

Mike

Many girls do not realize just how sensitive this area is. If she is stimulating these very sensitive areas too strongly, it could cause you to tense up. Too much stimulation confuses your brain so you get no results. If she is truly interested in making you feel good/ejaculate, you could show her exactly how you masturbate and she should be able to duplicate this. Show her the ultra sensitive areas so she doesn't hit these too strongly, but enough to really feel good.
Don't forget a little lube if you need it.. Sometimes, very gentle stimulation and varying pressure works better...letting up on pressure as the penis grows bigger. It's not always the vigorous activity that you see in pornos. You may be surprised that once she learns, she does a better job than you can. If your a good teacher, she will. This will make you look forward to the next time rather than the frustration you feel now. Then, you can reward her with similar pleasure for a job well done. Have fun! Play safe. Gregorio

Right you are guys! Yes, lots of guys do not ever ejaculate while their women are giving them oral sex---but also it can be because the women aren't doing it the same way the guys do it to themselves. ( So you might need to giveher some lessons.) If you really want it to happen- try not masturbating for a few days before you know she will be doing it and you will have a better chance of success.

Susan

Accepting the penis deeper and using your tongue will help sometimes as well. Some guys need rougher blowjobs. Measure according to how they enjoy sex in all. It's a lot harder than just sticking it into a warm hole y'know.
I couldn't orgasm with my last girlfriend, but the girlfriend just before it was able to do it in under 5 minutes, just by talking dirty. That could help too. So could "acting" like you're into it, if you're not already. Moaning as if you were recieving pleasure from it, that sort of thing.

I read about a situation like this a while ago, in a sex therapy book.

First off, do you masturbate with a tight grip/fast and furiously?

If so, you need to change that. Loosen the grip, slow it down, and not so hard. This will make you subtle to ejaculating when she jerks you off or gives you head.

Think of it as training what your penis responds to sexually.

If that doesn't work, show her how you jerk off, and try and get her to get it down just right for you to ejaculate. Ask her to tighten her lips as tight as possible when giving you head.

Thanks for the info Sean. This might give me the clue I needed for being able to solve this problem for myself. I'm going to have to go to town more slowly. Now that I'm in a sexual relationship with somebody for the first time in a while, I'll need to get used to something that isn't ergonomically designed for my orgasm in under a minute :).

However, as a note to the creator of this thread, if you're like me, you require some sort of lubrication. Perhaps your girlfriend could try masturbating you with a handful of lube. The sensation for me was quite intense at first, since my partner didn't know which areas were too intense. As long as you show her the caution areas to caress more gently, perhaps that would help.

Susan, please post this message.

I don't understand why guys are so adamant about having orgasms from getting blowjobs. Come on guys, we can easily have orgasms/ejaculate from masterbating or sexual intercourse, so what is the big problem if your lover can't make you cum by sucking your dick?

It just seems to me that a lot of us guys expect too much out of blowjobs. Girls are the ones who need more stimulation to climax and have orgasms. I would expect more complaints from them, but here we have some male cry-babies who can't cum from oral-sex. Feel free to let me have it guys for this post.



Clay - you don't get it because you have never had sex. It is plain and simple. You cannot imagine what you have not experienced - even though you think you can. Susan

Oral sex is just one of the ways by which a man can orgasm. I think when a guy isn't able to climax from this, they immediately think something is wrong (myself include.

I take pride in my ability to give oral sex. I have gotten a few guys to reach orgasm that had never been able to do it from oral sex before. I can only assume that everyone wants to be proud and confident of their sexual skills. Not being able to induce an orgasm orally is just one thing that could be important to somebody.

I, for one, would like to be able to orgasm from oral sex every time, since not only would it help me feel better about it, it would also show my partner that he posesses the skill to make me orgasm in that way.

Clay i pitty the fact that me 12 year old friend knows more about sex than you. You really need to ONLY POST ABOUT THINGS YOU KNOW ABOUT.

Clay has "experienced" all types of sex...VICARIOUSLY by looking at celluloid flicks by his own admission..his only tutor. The problem is that these flicks are not real; are touched up; altered in many ways; do not show what love or caring is; and the "actors" and situations are not in any way representable of what life really is all about. They provide a incredible, heart pounding sexual impact to a young man trying to understand life and what it is all about. After staring at those intensely for hours, this fantasy becomes so real, it supercedes reality so much that he actually feels he has experienced what he sees, and is anxious to pass it on..to you, the unsuspecting reader. If Clay is passing on information or commenting about something he hasn't experienced, he probably can't help it. But we really like Clay...just not everything he says.

Thank you Gregorio. Yes I know I should start posting on stuff that I have experienced instead of watched or heard of on tv or sex ed. I know those porn stars are just actors or sex professionals and do not represent what a real loving relationship should be like.

I just don't get why it is so important for guys to come when having a blowjob. And if they don't reach orgasm they get sad. Aww, poor babies. Some guys even insist that their girlfriends should swallow thier cum or they get mad. Explain that to me Gregorio. There are a lot of things about sex I just don't quite get, like homosexuality, BDSM and other bizzarre activities.

Sex is supposed to be an expression of the love that a man and woman share for eachother, not like all the bizzarre practices one might find on the internet. But, I am just an amatuer, while you and Susan are the experts here. I'll try to post on what I have acutally experienced in the future, but there are no guarantees.

Clay:
I just don't get why it is so important for guys to come when having a blowjob.

Gregorio: For the same reason one hopefully ejaculates during intercourse...a final release of pressure and doing what a man should. You gotta try it before you judge it.

Clay: And if they don't reach orgasm they get sad.

Gregorio: It is a blow to a man's ego is he can't ejaculate or orgasm when he thinks he should. That's basically why we have sex.

Clay: Aww, poor babies.
Gregorio: I detect a little bit of jealousy here where you wish it was you getting oral sex or for that matter, vaginal sex..or even love.

Clay: Some guys even insist that their girlfriends should swallow thier cum or they get mad. Explain that to me Gregorio.

Gregorio: Okay, I'll try. It could be a male superior power trip or they might be afraid she/he is going to spit it in their face...especially if the guy is rude. The guy may be very similar to you...watching too much porno and acting it out in real life.
Or the way he was brought up or friend's influence.. What's wrong with swallowing if it is mutually accepted by both?

Clay: There are a lot of things about sex I just don't quite get, like homosexuality, BDSM and other bizzarre activities.

Gregorio: Homosexuality is simply a persons desire to enjoy someone of his or her own sex. If it isn't forced into your life, why try to understand it? Accept it...it isn't going away. It's just out of the closet where you see it more....it's always been around.
Bizarre activities and other stuff: They are just expressions of someone's desire or fantasy. Some are beyond what's readily accepted by society. It should not affect you in any way unless you are poking thru the web trying to figure it out..and you can't, or you go out of your way to glare at it and judge it..

Clay: Sex is supposed to be an expression of the love that a man and woman share for each other, not like all the bizzarre practices one might find on the internet.

Gregorio: Sex is not SUPPOSED to be anything...there are no set social rules. It is an enjoyable experience and is subject to personal interpretation and application. It can be for pure pleasure and just physical, a desire to conquest, something to do on a rainy day or to simply reproduce. When combined with love, it is an overwheming and powerful experience. Hopefully, you will experience this soon.
Think about this: Some may consider you watching pornos, anal stimulation and evacuating the right and left lobes of your prostate bizarre. So what is really bizzare? You are simply pleasing yourself and so are they.. just in different ways.


Clay: But, I am just an amatuer, while you and Susan are the experts here. I'll try to post on what I have acutally experienced in the future, but there are
no guarantees.

Gregorio: Susan is the designated expert...most certainly not me. But, I read your posts and wonder, and you did ask me. I gave you my meager, common sense answers, but I'm sure Susan and others have more ideas on this. One thing, I think you have learned a lot tuning in here.

Gregorio

Thank you Gregorio for your detailed explanation. I hope that I will have a loving relationship some day.