Hey Susan, I know this is a site to ask for advice and stuff like that but I'm writing just because I don't know who else to talk to I feel alone on this issue. Well to start I'm a male,17 going on 18 in a few months. Lately I've been in a serious relationship for a couple months and we have had protected sex. But lately I've been sick and alote of people tell me that sometimes guys feel the simptoms of a girls pregnancy, I don't believe this but It has me thinking I'm scared. Also she tells me that she finds herself eating stuff that she wouldn't normally eat and oh my god what can I do. I told her to go get tested immediately and she said she will but I want the results now, thats how scared I am. I just wanna put this stuff behind me and move on. I regret everything I did if I could I would take it back! My life will be over if she is pregnant, I hate myself right now. I have everything I could possibly want right now, I have a brand new truck, a job and I'm about to graduate from one of the top magnet schools in Texas and this could just ruin everything. I know you don't believe in this but if she is pregnant, I am thinking about abortion, this to me is the only resort. I can't have kids right now, and especially not with her, to tell you the truth I have been thinking lately to break up with her but this has held me back. I do not see myself with her in the future. Oh my god I feel so stupid, I'M SCARED!!!

She's not pregnant. You have a stomach ache. Why  would she be pregnant? You had protected sex. Most of the time it works.

 

Lauralei - most of the time it works is true. But teenagers have the highest rate of pregnancy with protected sex because often the protection used is not used properly. Which is why anyone having sex with anyone of the opposite sex should think very seriously about whether this is a person they want to deal with the issue of pregnancy with - before they have sex with them. Susan

Dear Scared,

First, stop having sex immediately. If she is not pregnant now - make sure she doesn't get pregnant. 97% of the time condoms works. 97% of the time birth control pills work. The reason they don't work is because they are used improperly. If you have no intent of staying with her - stophaving sex with her.

Since the two of you are in a not so great relationship -the likelihood that you can feel her pregnany is almost zilch - nothing. 

I'm not sure how long a few months is - but if it is around 6 the chance she IS pregnant is very high if you have unprotected sex. Most teens who have unprotected sex will get pregnant within 6 months. For some that means the first time and for others that means the 20th time. If you are using birth control badly ( she skips pills, takes them at different times, you use bad condoms, or put them or take the off wrong) it is almost as high.

If she has been pregnant for more than 16 weeks (less than 4 months) in Texas she has to go to a special hospital clinic for an abortion. It is expensive and not covered by insurance.

There are abortion centers in Texas in only 15 counties of 253. So you may have a long way to go even if it is under 16 weeks.

If she is under 18 she is required to tell one of her parents. Her parents does not have to agree, but does have to sign a paper saying they have been notified - and if they do not agree and refuse to sign the paper she will not get the abortion. 

So what do you do now? YOU go buy 2 over the counter pregnancy detection kits. Have her take one right away. She will have to take it first thing in the morning - so if you are spending the night together - do it when you can watch her do it.

If it is positive - she is pregnant.  The positive results are rarely wrong. She needs to get to a doctor immediately to see what options, if any she has about abortion.

If it is negative, you need to wait until 10 days after her next period is due to start. If you have had 2 negative results - she is MOST LIKELY not pregnant. If you have a positive result now - she is pregnant.

Abortion is not your only option if you two do not want a baby. Adoption is also an option you should explore. If you were going to break up with her anyway- having a baby is no reason to stay together. Marriages like that rarely succeed. 50% of marriages end in divorce now - you are practically guaranteeing you will join those ranks.

If she is pregnant and you do go the adoption route - you need to stick by her as a friend - but you do not need to continue to be in a romantic/sexual relationship. There are expenses to pregnancy you need to help with. (There are expenses to abortion, too.)

Make the decision now to never  have unprotected sex. And if she is using a birth control method - you need to use condoms too- you need to be in control of the fact taht the two of you will not bring an unplanned life into the world.The risk is not worth it!

Also, as soon as you know she is not pregnant - breakoff this relationship. It doesn't sound like it is a good one for you or her.

Good luck and let me know how things work out. I'll be thinking about you.

Susan 

 

Damn, it's times like this that I feel good about remaining a virgin. I don't think I'm ready either to start having kids. I like my life the way it is.

When I read this I almost wanted to start crying.

Abortion???

I guess I could see your scared I've gone through it, but now ever did I consider abortion maybe cause I am adopted and I am thankful to live and breath everyday. It should never be cut short b/c of some mind who messed up. Your life is going and everything, but it's not fair.

First breath a big breath. Think about the steps what happened. The best way to be is stable. Don't freak out, you'll be okay. Don't take it to the 3rd step when you don't know anything...take one breath at a time.

If you need to talk, I am always here.

Best of luck to you

I would like to thank everyone who read my post and replied. Thanks for listening and telling me what you thought it may not have seem like much but it confort me a little. But good news as for everything that was going on, we went to a clinic and she isnt pregnant and we decided it would be best for both of us to end the relationship. I'm now single and plan on keeping it like that for a while. I've learned from my mistakes, I don't know why I even considered abortion I was just scared I guess. But now I just plan on putting this mess behind me. Once agian thanks to everyone for the support.

I am so glad to hear from you!!! And I am so glad everything turned out ok. Good decision to move on!    Susan

Clay...you wrote: Damn, it's times like this that I feel good about remaining a virgin. I don't think I'm ready either to start having kids. I like my life the way it is.

Clay...don't crawl under your bed yet....you're missing out on having a strong,loving relationship because of many foolish ideas.
When you are in a loving relationship, and you BOTH decide that you don't want kids, then you work together at that goal.
You take the necessary precautions so you are pretty sure it won't happen. But, always in the back of your mind, you think about what you would do if she did get pregnant inconveniently and you are prepared for that moment. Remember, that child is precious and actually part of you both made with love. That's called being an ADULT and handling adult responsibilities.
Because you love her deeply, that's the commitment you both discussed and made before you engaged in sex. It was friends, lovers then sex....right? During this time, you talk about this stuff.. She might have to take birth control pills or you might have to use a condom. A very small inconvenience when you really love someone. It's very powerful.
Sometime, between now and the time you check into a rest home, I sincerely hope you find this love...otherwise it's going to be a very selfish, lonely world for you.
Because I care Gregorio