My 19 year old son named Max, has autism. We have aggressivly advocated for him, in school, community, etc., since day one. He's doing great.

I have made numerous attempts to explain sex, sexuality, anatomy, physiology, relationships, men's bodies and women's bodies, among other things. Max's communication skills are severly restricted, but he is successful with facilitated communication, and understands most of what he is told. He has difficulty responding appropriately. So I know he has heard me. He is also very visual, and has extraordinarilly high cognitive skills. He has been drawing pictures his whole life and now has a studio, and is selling digital photography at a gallery here in Cincinnati. The other day he drew a picture of a female nude. I was shocked to see... A PENIS WHERE A VAGINA SHOULD BE. Because he has never seen a naked woman up close, I guess he thinks women have penises. Obviously, the sex ed we've done has not been as effective as hoped. I've had the imput of psycologists, numerous books, and yet I can't be sure what he really knows and doesn't know.

Back to the female anatomy issue: I went to the internet to find a good detailed picture of a female body, clearly showing the genitals, breasts, anus, etc. He does understand breasts. He likes them, loves them, and while attracted to them, treats women with incredible respect, so some of the sex ed must have worked. Unfortuneately, I found outrageous (fun for me, but inappropriate for this purpose) pornography, or Rembrandt's nudes, which do not show the vigina. None of the artistic nudes painted by the masters have the detail we need. The other material I found is similar to Grey's anatomy, so clinical as to be useless. Max needs to be able to generalize information, and the medical drawings are either so cold or show everything under the skin. Not what Max is likely to see in real life.

Where can I find descent realistic images of naked women, not posing for the purpose of seduction, but that would allow Max to see clearly what a vagina looks like. I have found pictures of vaginas only, but a detached vagina does not register with him. A Playboy centerfold comes close to what I'd like use, but they are still relatively unrealistic. Decent photos of a couple engaging in intercourse would also be useful, have not found any that are realistic.

I am not a prude, and my wife and I feel very comfortable about sexuality in our home. But we do not think it is appropriate to literaly expose my wife's body to Max, nor to ask a friend to take pictures of herself for this purpose. So, before I get arrested for soliciting pornography, can you refer me to a source for good honest, detailed photos of a healthy 20 something female body clearly showing the genitals.

If you have any other ideas of how to approach this, your suggestions will be deeply appreciated.

Thank you very much. Regards,

Ted Prisant

I had a similar problem and had a friend create a disc of tasteful porn he collected for me. I reviewed the pics and eliminated a few I found problematic for a variety of reasons.  I was sure not to include any with women in weird outfits, or in really odd positions. He loves his disc of porn - and seems to have little desire to get more elsewhere. So this seems to have solved 2 problems - give him the knowledge he needs - and give him enough masturbation material to last a lifetime ( I hope.)

There are a few sites.  http://www.feminine-images.com/contents.html  Costs to join - but it does have one really nice free photo on the home page.

This shows pics of people having sex - but the woman on top photos do show the whole woman.  http://www.the-sex-website.org/womanontop.html

There are others ---look for Vulva pics rather than vagina and you have a better chance finding more tasteful photos.

Susan

Hey Ted I wanted to give you some insite. First of all, do you think that it is appropriate for you son to be viewing images of naked women? I would assume that it is extreamly unlikely in his situation to ever have a girlfriend in his lifetime. So I was wondering why this is so important.

I know you asked this of Ted, but why do you think it is unnecessary that his son not have a realistic idea of what a female body looks like? Why do you think he will never have a girlfriend? Why do you think he will never see a woman naked? Why do you think it is OK for his son to have an unrealistic idea of what a female body  looks likes?

My son Teddy is at camp this week. Having the time of his life I expect. He is at camp with a couple dozen girls and a handful of guys. If he doesn't get at least a few glances of naked or near naked female bodies I will be surprised. I know, because he already told me on the phone, that he has been getting lots of hugs and they make him feel really good. He likes the way a female body feels against his body. Having a disability does not mean your sex drive is dead.

You have written before. You obviously have concerns about sexuality and autism.  Why is it that you think a person with autism is incapable of having a relationship with another person?  It is true their relationships may be problematic, but they do not need to be nonexistant. People with autism seem to be attracted to other people with autism - and often have relationships that look very different that what two people without autism might consider a close relationship. But they will be nonexistant if not given adequate support, and more than just a little problematic if they do happen without good information.

Susan