Funny story huh? I have a million of them. I'll start here with why I do - and then tell just one.
When I was young I was a very "good" girl. I had a very difficult time deciding what I wanted - and could only imagine what my mom and my family wanted for me. I really had no idea who I was or what I really wanted. This changed in part due to my great experiment......
I lived in New York City when I was young and found myself loving and attracted exclusively to gay men. So I placed an ad in the Village Voice ---which at time was a pretty wild thing to do.
I received over 600 replies. Most of them were eliminated because I still had a few absolute no-nos. No smokers, no married men, and no men who couldn't write a coherent letter.
In the end I dated 156 men over a period of one year. I decided to date men I wasn't initially atttracted to - and even guys which seemed like a turn-off. I had a lot of amazing dates. Very few of them I dated more than once - and only a handful more than a few times. No love of my life was found. But I did find out a lot about men and a lot about me - and a lot about sex.
One of my most memorable dates was with a guy who worked for the United Nations. He invited me to eat at a restaurant you had to be involved with the UN in some way to go to. I got all dressed up and was so excited.
I met him and remembered thinking right away this was not going to work. He was a soft roly poly guy, and very attractive. He gave me flowers and took my hand. He hardly let go once during dinner. I actually had a hard time eating because he wouldn't let go of my hand. And he didn't just hold it- - he massaged it constantly like I was modeling clay. He talked mostly about his mother and how wonderful she was. I tried to get him to talk about the UN - but he kept going back to the topic of his mom or asking me questions about me.
Eventually the evening was about over, but was I ever in for a surprise. The guy asked me to marry him. I couldn't believe it. I was still struggling how to figure out to tell him I didn't want to hold his hand and he was asking me this.
This was one of the few times I escaped a date. He went to a phone to make a call ( no cells phones then) and I went to the ladies room - only I found a circuitus route to the front door and caught a waiting taxi and told him to get out of there as quickly as he could. I felt bad - but thankfully I never heard from him again.
He was not the only mama's boy I dated, or the only one to ask me to marry him on the first date....but he was the most memorable.
I'm not sure how attracted to me he was or simply was desperate to be married. Maybe I seemed as desperate to him as he was to me. Although I truly was one hot number in those days!
BTW - I am not sure I remember the ad exactly anymore - I used it later on in life with a few changes - but this is close and most of it still applies.......
What about STACKED, CURVACIOUS, HORNY, SENSUAL, MULTIPLE ORGASMIC, KNOWLEDGEABLE, CAPABLE OF INTENSE LOVE......probably hidden in some of those big words!
I can imagine every man with any kind of hormones to barely breathing, answered the ad so you could pick and choose which one and when.
My imagination at work again.......
If a guy had small fingers, hated his mother, was cheating on his wife, couldn't speak English, was not kind, hadn't had a bath in a week or any combination of those......strike out.
If a guy had big fingers, he was at 1st base. If he was unattached, he was at 2nd base. And if he brought flowers, 3rd. If he had all the others, had good communication skills, loved his mother and was handsome; he was ready for a home run!
I can see it now.....
Oh, one last thing....
sir, please stick out your tongue..pointed and twitchy....oh God, perfect!
If you had kept this in a diary, it would be juicy reading.
Actually I kept sort of a diary. I wrote comments on the back of the letters they wrote so I could keep them apart in my mind if I ever dated them again.
I had a rating system. They got extra points for being truthful.
They got a score for their letter. I don't remember what exactly the choices were anymore - but it was essentially Yes, No, Maybe. And then about 7 ingredients I looked for------what they wrote the note on, what they wrote with, what kind of handwriting they had, did they include a photo, the letter's contents, their age, their marital status. ( There might have been more - but I do remember no one got over a 7.)
Now you might think it is weird to grade on those things - but those things really did have a lot to say. Computers were not used by many then - so these things could be very creative or not. I had a guy write in pencil on paper that he had erased so much it had holes in it. I had another write only one sentence in big red magic marker. I had one note where big long passages were crossed out - and then what was written conflicted with what was crossed out. I had one guy write in enormous manic looking handwriting, I had guys send me their formally printed resumes - with no personal note at all. I had others send me nude photos with just a phone number on the back.
I called all the yeses and the maybes. Then they got another score. Yes, No, or maybe. And I wrote details about what we talked about. Only a yes - yes got a date from the phone call. A maybe - no got a polite rejection. Yes-maybe got a promise for a second phone call. Maybe-yes either got a date or a promise - it depended mostly on my schedule. I met some of them within hours of the phone call. Married men were all rejected. Men over 40 - that seemed so old then. I tried really hard to date men outside my comfort zone - but still with reasonable chance of some success.
So in the end over 600 became 56. I'm not really sure how many there were as all but the 56 were thrown away decades ago. I kept the 56 notes until a few years ago.
Some days I had a breakfast, lunch and dinner dates. Other days I would have only one. Some lasted 5-10 minutes, but most were 3-4 hours. Some were overnight ( AIDS was unheard of then.) I had sex in some very unlikely places. I had good sex, bad sex, and some very very weird sex.
When it was all over there was no one. I did not meet the man of my dreams - but I sure had a better idea who he would be if he ever came along------he never has, but there has been at least one very close call.
Who knows Gregorio - maybe it would have been you had you read the Village Voice back then.
Susan
Gregorio (no login)
A Matter of Trust and Respect
December 31 2004, 5:56 PM
That would be an experience I would have never forgot.... Disappointing for you. I do everything I can to please my woman, but in my case, to this date, I'm not into any type of oral stimulation..mostly giving... which would have been a big turn off for you deserving of big red marks. I could take or leave sex too...if it happened okay. If not okay. I think sex without a mental connection is very cold.... your own definition of recreational sex. I tried to remain in control of just how I would respond.
It's respecting a woman that I'm really good at...the rest all comes naturally. Going out with a woman to get laid was the LAST thing on my mind no matter how pretty or stacked the woman was or how bad I needed it....not that I didn't hold her close and make her feel loved..or treat her kindly.
Getting to know her and building lasting trust, was much more important to me...I had gone out with my share of easy women, listened to them and how they acted, tried to make a mental connection, and could have got laid anytime, but I was never that "easy". I was more interested in something permanent.
It's unfortunate for them, but they missed a really good man. I know this cause when they see me, they tell me this. Many can't believe how well preserved I'am, telling me I look 10 to 15 years younger than my age.
For me, I couldn't have done better...waiting for the 'right' one. I have a woman that I trust 100%...few men can say that. My goal is pleasing her and her's is pleasing me. We do that very well. She goes shopping and buys me things. I surprise her with a newer car. Our love is very strong.
And, you and I would have never been compatable in any stretch of the imagination and I know this just by reading that approximate ad, several of your posts and many of your comments. I've known this for a long time. It doesn't mean we can't be friends...or tell stories or have fun.... it means we have different, if not opposite, interests, desires and deep seated sexual values; each to be respected, perhaps admired, by the other.
So, in this light, I would never answer an ad like that, even if I was totally available...I just don't work that way. But, it sure is an interesting story for those that did.
Current Topic - Susan's continuing story..... Mama's boy