Hi, Susan. I recently started going with a girl I like, and things are still at the making-out etc. stage. So for hours I'll have an erection but not ejaculate. After things have calmed down and my erection has gone away, I get terrible cramps in my testicles and groin that last 30 min-1 hr. The relationship is not at a stage where I could suggest anything that would get me off. Is there a way I can deal with these cramps without stopping the make out or preceding to oral or handjobs? Also, my girlfriend isn't very good at talking about sex or what gives her pleasure. Do you have any suggestions on how to get a more open discussion going without seeming pushy? Thanks.

There's an easy solution to your first problem - either masturbate to orgasm before you go out - or do it afterwards.

As to your second question - that is harder. Maybe she has no experience - so she has no idea what she wants. Or maybe she has had some bad experiences and feels ackward. But until she feels comfortable talking to you about sex - she is not going to feel comfortable having sex with you.

There is a quiz on my website you might want to try to use. I would not suggest you do it together - but make two copies and do it when you are not together. It also might be easier to discuss through email or IM.

It is much better to move too slowly than to move too fast- so be patient and go with the flow.

Susan