Hi Susan,

My boyfriend has not been able to
have an orgasm. He weighs apprx
500 lbs and we have dated for 3 years
and this has been the hardest thing to deal
with. He can get erect but after 10-15 mins
other either oral sex or a hand job he says the
base of his penis hurts and there ends
the sexual incounter.
He also has a low libido to boot. he is
32 and I just turned 30. His doctor
prescribed Clotrimazole / Betamethasone
Dipropionate Cream it has helped somewhat
with the the skin irritation to the
area around his penis but he still has
the problem with no orgasm. I'm not
sure if this is typical in obese men?
What type of specialist should he see?
Is there hope that he will be able to
function fully or do I need to except
that we will never beable to be intimate?
I hope you will take the time to research
this issue as I am at my witts end. Please
e-mail me with what you find. Thanks for
doing your show I have learned alot from
you!!

Diane

Diane,

First off I am not the Sue on TV - but I'm glad you learn a lot from her show.

The cream the doctor gave your boyfriend is for fungal infections. This is the kind of infection a lot of larger people get because the air can't get to their skin and it stays too moist.

SO this is what I suggest. 

First your boyfriend should use a very hot wash cloth around his penis and let it stay there until it gets cool to the touch. It might sting a bit - and that's OK. Skin heals more quickly when blood flows to it. Heat draws blood to the area the heat is being applied.

Next he should use a hair dryer to dry that area. Hot or cool setting is OK. Just make sure the area is dry.

Then apply the cream.

Do this every night for 3 days. No sex for those 3 days. You are trying to get the skin to heal. It could look healed - but my guess is the rubbing of the skin during sex is causing pain to his skin.

(If his skin is really painful - he might want to wrap his penis in gauze bandage ( 1 layer only) after he puts the cream on.)

He should try to keep his skin really dry - except from the cream. He should apply the cream anytime he feels his skin starting to burn or pull.

He should try to wear as few clothes as possible for these three days too - and try to sit or lie in position as much as he can where that area gets air.

Before you have sex you need to go out and buy lubrication. You have to get a silicone based lubrication - not water based. Water based is designed to soak into the skin and you do not want that. You want silicone which lies on top of the skin and helps your bodies slide back and forth against each other with this this layer of silicone inbetween you. I use Eros and it is the best IMO. You can buy it off the links at the bottom of the page. Don't use KY - it is worse than nothing in your case.

If sex is painful - you are not going to have orgasms. It has nothing to do with his weight. It has to do with having painful skin. SO first concentrate on getting his skin really cleared up well. AND using a lubrication that will help.

If you use condoms - that might be making it worse. Be sure to buy condoms that are the right size - they should not be too snug around the top. If you are using lubricated condoms that could also be part of the problem - so switch brands and/or switch to unlubricated ones ( and use the new silicone lube you buy on the inside and the outside of the condom.

I suggest your boyfriend use this cream every day - even when his skin feels fine - for at least 3 months. His skin needs to get really cleared of this. But it is very easy to get back. So if it comes back bad ( and I am sure it will) do the heat, hairdryer procedure again. If he is lucky and it doesn't come back after 3 months- he can switch to using the cream once a week. As a larger person he has to figure this is a lifetime problem.

If the cream he is using is expensive, and it is not covered by a prescription, I know of a relatively inexpensive way to get the cream he needs. Just let me know if you are interested in this. ( post me your email address - I'll edit it out so no one but me will see it.)

If tis doesn't work - let me know - there are some other ideas you may want to try.

Good luck!

Susan

 

Hi Susan,

I'm sorry I had you confused with the Susan on Talk Sex. I would like to
thank you so much for your advice.I am going to try your
first suggestion part of the problem I have is he sweats alot at work so he
always going to have that mositure issue.But I have suggested to him that
he dry off completly when he get's out of the shower but he leaves for work so early he doesn't make time to do that.
I really want to help him get over this
issue because it has caused his self estemm to drop and has effected his libido which has caused a huge road block
in our relationship. I want so much to please him that I somehow make myself feel like i'm doing something wrong. But
again I will try out your recomendation and let you know how it goes.

Take Care

Diane

Diane,

If he sweats a lot at work and he starts out damp - it is hopeless - he is never going to get rid of the problem. You need to have a very serious discussion with him. He has got to get up earlier so he can start out the day with dry skin. That is probably the BIGGEST part of his problem.

He needs to take the time to shower- get dry- and apply cream.

That way when he sweats - he will have the cream on and it will help it so his skin is not effected by the sweat.

Another thing that would help a lot is going to a place with hot tubs and soaking once or twice a month. It is usually hard for a man as big as your boyfriend to soak in a bathtub - and soaking in hot water is really helpful to heal skin. Valentine's Day is coming - treat yourselves to a hotel room with a hot tub. Then do it again anytime you can afford it.

I can assure you that you are doing nothing wrong. A guy with sore skin is not going to feel good about himself or enjoy sex. Healing his skin really well once and then keeping it healed as much as possible is the best thing he can do for himself and you can help him do that.

I will be emailing you.

Susan

 

 

Diane....

Clay I deleted your post. Did you really think that what you suggested hadn't already been considered by Diane? Your solution would also take years to accomplish. He has an immediate problem that needs a solution.

Susan 

 

To many of you......

You can all stop suggesting the guy lose weight. He is seeing a doctor, I am sure that has been suggested already of he doesn't know it himself. The IMMEDIATE problem that can be solved is his skin infections.

Susan

And losing weight won't help that?

Not unless he looses atleast 250 pounds and that will take several years and by then his skin will be so infected, scarred, and hypersensitive that if he doesn't take more immediate action it won't matter how much weight he looses.

Susan

I think that why so many people recommended that this man lose weight is because you did not. He is grossly overweight and you as a "Health educator" should have mentioned weight loss. Even if just at the end of your post as another nessesary thing to do to maintain his health, happy sexlife and avoid an early death.

 

You really think a man who weighs 500 pounds doesn't know he needs to lose weight? Do you really think a woman who cares for him doesn't know it either?

I think the point that me and Johny5 were trying to make is that losing weight should be the man's number one priority and his sex life should be secondary, since he weighs about 500 lbs. If he doesn't lose weight soon then there is a real probability that he may die of a heart attack. We don't want to see him end up like another unfortunate overweight statistic.

 

Clay, I appreciate you thinking that, but the nature of his skin infection is also potentially dangerous. It should be his first priority - and if sex is what makes him decide to do what he needs to do to get rid of it - than that works for me. Susan