Nearly two years ago, I set my eyes on this beautiful girl at a festival. I miraculosly bumped into again on the next evening. I somehow got her number and before long we went on a few dates. I was honestly crazy about her, but we decided not to go out due to age difference (her being 14 me being 16) and the facts she lived to far a distance away from me. I kept going to see her/she kept coming to me - just to keep each other as friends, but I always hoped something more would happen. Since then, things have changed, I can drive, we're both a bit older and we're now together. We've been an item for 4 months now and the social side of the relationship has been great. I get on great with their family and we see each other 2/3 times a week.
Among all this bliss however, is the fact that we haven't had sex yet. The fact is we've tried 3/4 times. The first few times I became overwhelmed by the situation and couldn't get it up, but now I've become much more relaxed in the bedroom I think it may be the fact I don't want to have sex with her. At the same token I really really love her, but when I imagine us having sex, I don't think it to be that great. When I fantasize other other girls, its not a problem...but I feel so lost and empty at the fact the girl I have been chasing for 18 months - I don't love anymore. It hurts and I just wish I could love her like she wants me to. She's becoming impatient and really wants to have sex with me, and the furthur this drags - I'm sure she's just gonna get bored. I'm really confused, what to do how to tell her, yet at the same token - I'll be heartbroken with out her, and my desires may return when I realise what I've lost.

As you can see I'm realluy confused and I need some guidance what to do with the situation...

Thanks for reading

Please help!

Alex

Alex,

You are just 18 right? You don't need to make a decision about who you love yet. Or to have sex. There's a bunch of things that could be going on - so here's some choices:

1. You like the chase. Now you got her, you don't want her.

2, She was wonderful from far away, but after 4 months you realize she doesn't match the fantasy.

3. If you have sex you are afraid she might get pregnant, and then you are connected for life - and you aren't ready for that.

4. You just aren't ready to have sex yet.

5. You want to have sex with a woman you love - and you don't love her.

6. You are great friends, but not meant to be lovers.

7. It is hard to change from being just friends, to something more.

So, I think the first thing you need to do is be straight with her. I am not ready to have sex with you. You can say why - if one of those reasons makes sense - or just say you don'y know why - you just aren't ready.

There is so much presssure on young adults to have sex. Just because you think everyone you know is doing it with everyone they date doesn't mean it is true, and even if it was - you don't have to. Sex is not like playing football - just get out there and do it. Sex is (or at least should be more than that.

Alex, my guess is that there is a good reason you are not ready to have sex yet with her and you should listen to yourself.
Susan

Or

8. incredibly nervous and afraid and insecure about sex with her. he's overthinking it and putting so much pressure and expectations on himself that the idea of sex with her just isn't fun anymore.

Relax. If it feels right - then - and only then - do it. Otherwise you need to wait. Never force something, it won't be good.

When you get in your early 20s -- 21+ then your whole mentality is far more advanced and mature and you may be able to better handle these issues then.

Nick

Alex, there's really no need to have sex just yet with her (unless you really want to), thus she shouldn't be pressuring you to have sex with her and becoming impatient with you. You both are quite young (unlike the rest of us here, hehe) and have plenty of time ahead of you before you have sex. The last thing you want to do is do it and then regret it later (especially if she gets pregnant).

I kind of wish that I were in your situation with a girl that I really liked. I emailed her a while ago and told her exactly how I felt about her, but it was to avail. She replied and said that she would like to stay friends, even though I don't even see her anymore, as I have graduated from school. It didn't surprise me much though. I have never been great with girls. Although I do get along well with them (as friends), it just never seems to go any further than that. I guess I just have to learn to accept that.