I'm slightly concerned. I am almost 20 years old and have never been kissed, had a boyfriend, etc. I'm beginning to feel a little left out among my circle of friends. They all have had at least two significant others and they are avoiding talking about certain subjects around me.

Am I setting my standards too high? I don't want to enter into a relationship with just anybody, and the only guys who have ever shown interest in me only did because they thought I was pretty and nothing else. I want a guy to like me for who I am and not what I look like. None of the guys I've met at college have shown much interest in me because they have told me that they think of me as "one of the guys" because I share a lot of their interests.

Am I doing something wrong? I don't think I'm playing hard to get, but even if I consciously was, I've been told that men find girls who are hard to get attractive. Even so, it feels as if I'm doing something wrong. My sister has always been able to get a boyfriend, and my mom was married when she was my age. I'm not saying I want to get married, I need my education first, but it would be nice to have someone who cared about me that way.

~Maggie

Maggie,

My guess is that you have to stop thinking of every guy as a potential mate for life. You have plans and no intention of settling down any time soon - so you are not ready for a guy who is ready to settle down either. But my guess is you are looking for the guy to be now how you want him to be later. Don't date jerks, but experiment and play a little. At 20 you really have no idea what men are really like and you might be surprised at what a good guy is really like. The last two men I grew to love and had long relationships with (and I am including the one I am with now) are not the kind of guys I ever would have thought of as being the kind of guy I would ever want to settle down with. Rich my current love is a geek of the highest order. My previous was an engineer in every sense of the word. I never imagined myself with a geek or an engineer - I imagined a rock musician - an artist - a philosopher. So play it a bit looser and see what develops. You have plenty of time to settle down.

Susan

Serious kissing is the beginning of a relationship and you do not just want to be kissed just because you feel you missed something...you want to be kissed as a gesture of affection. I believe you must become friends with someone first before anything serious can take place.
So, maybe you haven't met anyone who fits this criteria. At least you didn't get hung up with a guy just looking to "make out" and trying to use you for personal pleasure...so maybe you've done a good job of holding these guys off. The "right" guy will come along....sometimes it takes patience...there are a lot of "creeps" out there.

Girl, the last thing you should do is what your friends are doing. You need to be stronger, the leader not a follower. Just because others around you are fast doesn't mean you need to shift gears to, especially when your not ready too. Focus on whats right for you, not others. Right now worry about your goals and having fun, eventually the right guy will come along and you will learn to love him and everything else will come when the time is right because you will know when its right not your friends. I hope that made sense.

Please don't be discouraged because your male friends have told you you're 'one of the guys.' There will always be guys who want to date the 'girlier' girls, but many guys want to be with a girl who shares common interests and likes those sterotypical 'guy' activities. The best relationships are based on friendships, so the better you are at getting along with men, the better off you'll be when you get a boyfriend.

don't worry about it Maggie.....you will get a bf when you are ready.

I just had my first real kiss, and I 24. I didn't find my first boyfriend until I was 22. I didn't NEED one before then.

Then, one day I woke up and realized there was something missing, and I was lonely and I found my first bf in a matter of months. I also had a few guys try to pick me up when I was in the 'looking' stages. It's like they know or something :P

I thought the same thing when I was 20...that I should have a bf by now...is something wrong with me? Maybe I'm too fat or too opinionated or something else that was turning guys off. But, I think it was the fact that deep down, I didn't want a bf yet...so I was basically turning guys down before they got started

Anyway....keep calm, and cool...go about your life. Trust me, you know when you are read to look for someone.