my boyfriend and I have recently started a sexual relationship...we are both 18 and completely new at sex...i have found that my boyfriend is not ever really been very hard..instead he gets erect and its somewhat soft...i on the other hand get almost rock hard...this makes it very difficult during anal sex because his penis isn't stiff enough to get in at times...it also makes it difficult when i am performing oral sex on him and it takes a very long time for him to actually come...the only time he can come at normal speed is when he is performing anal sex on me...is it me? is he doing something wrong? he is an extremely fit person who runs every day and has about 8% body fat. any help or information would be greatly appreciated, is there any way to make giving him a blowjob less cumbersome...i mean i love performing oral sex on him...but my mouth becomes almost numb having to apply so much pressure for such an extended period of time...and i mean average 5-7 minutes..i'mnot sure what to do. thanks again in advance.

I suggest your boyfriend discuss this with his doctor. He may be a very real candidate to use Viagra. That is partly what it is for -for men who are able to get erect, but their erections are insufficient. That is why my partner uses it. Without it he gets a soft erection and to get him to a point of ejaculation takes forever if it can happen at all. With Viagra everything is A-OK.

Susan

thank you for your input...if you don't mind my asking, is it just genetics or is there any particular reason why, i mean i know my boyfriend has an extremely low blood pressure, and has his entire life, would this have to do with anything?

Yes, low blood presssure could have everything to do with it. Erections are caused by blood flow to the penis.

Will these problem progessivly get worse with age? and is there any possible way to increase stiffness without medication...i'm afraid of confronting him about because he might get offended...i know he realizes it and we have always just tried to work around it...but i'de feel uncomfortable asking him to take viagra or some other medication at this age...

Viagra has sadly gotten the reputation as being for old men. Viagra is for a condition called erectile disfunction - a condition I am reasonably sure your partner has. If this is what your partner has, it will make him happier in his sexual relationship with you. He may feel some initial embarrassment - but he wil get over it whe he realizes how differnt things can be.

Susan

Sorry Susan...bad judgement. If you check, you will find Viagra may work, but it will LOWER blood pressure further...possibly to a dangerous level....not a good idea unless a medical Doctor says it's okay.
Gregorio

I confronted my boyfriend last night in a jovial matter about the subject, approached it slightly to get an idea of how he would react and it didn't turn out very positively. he actually said, "just because i don't come as fast doesn't mean i have ED." i don't know what to do at this point, i'm scared to approach the subject again without angering him, i mean the sex we have is great, and what we do now isn't a problem, but i know if he would be willing to try it would probably be easier for both of us, any advice?

Gregorio,

NO ONE should ever use ANY prescription drug without consulting a doctor. And if he has low blood pressure but it is controlled by medication, he may still be able to take it.


Susan

Tom,

You're going to have to decide what is most important and what risks you are willing to take......

Keep pushing, risk some fall-out, but eventually he decides to see about a ED diagnosis - and then have a happy ever after story.

Keep pushing, he says enough, breaks off the relationship, and all is lost.

Keep pushing, he says enough, he breaks it off, but then realizes you are right, get the ED diagnosis and comes back to you.

Leave it alone and accept the relationship as it is.

Susan

hey let me just clear something up, he doesn't come for 5-7 mins when getting head and you think that's a long time?

- mike

Right Susan, but given NO details on blood pressure medications, I rightly forwarded this warning ....others on here should also check with their doctor before getting their hopes up about Viagra or any sex enhancer drug if they have either high or low blood pressure or other medical problems. (There is some avaiable on the web with just a SWORN statement by the user.)So I issued this warning.
Viagra does not work good on a full stomach or with grapefruit juice, and alcohol should be limited. Getting the dose right helps a lot.
Most guys, however, say its worth it for how it works. (See Viagrastories.com for user opinions, good and bad.)

i noticed that you said that it takes your b/f 5-7 minutes to cum off of head. mine takes about 30 minutes or longer...be greatful! do you think if you challange him to try it one time (just to see how it turns out) he will get mad? also make sure to put emphasis on the fact that you enjoy sex with him and that you think that he would enjoy sex better! oh, and one more suggestion... (i do this often) before letting him know what your going to say, make comments letting him know that your nervous mentioning it. for example say : "i really want to talk to you about something but i'm really nervous bringing it up because i don't want to get you upset." this makes him feel like he not easy to talk to and he might lighten up a little. and it warns him that your going to be talking about a sensitive subject. also while we're on the subject on anal, i won't do it with my b/f b/c of a lie. but if when we did no matter how much lube we used or how slow he goes i always got cut! is there any other ways to avoid it or am i just going to have to accept the fact that it's going to happen? good luck! and thanks!

Jackie,
If a guy's penis is too big to fit in your anus without tearing, you have two options. First, and easiest, stop having anal sex and try to pleasure each other in other ways. If you are really determined to have anal sex, think of it as a goal that with practice you MAY one day achieve. Buy lots of good lube and an insertable sex toy with a flared base. Practice accepting the toy in your ass, moving it around, and after a period of time you may want to 'graduate' to a bigger toy. When you are comfortable with an object about the same size as your boyfriend's penis, then try to have anal sex. Don't let him move right away though once he's inside you- make him stay still for a minute while your ass gets used to the shape of him. When you feel yourself relax enough, go for it. Then, make sure to STOP him immediately whenever it gets painful...you probably just need more lube. If more lube doesn't work, stop again so you aren't seriously hurt.
Many people encourage women to explore their vaginas through masturbation because even though most women don't have vaginal orgasms, you get to know your body better. If you are going to put a penis inside your anus, you should know that part just as well as you know your vagina. Not being relaxed and comfortable with having objects inside there is why I think a lot of women find anal play painful.

Lia