How can you tell whether or not you're gay? I'm in college and I've never had a boyfriend or even fooled around with any boys. The other night there was a boy in my room and he was giving me a massage but then started putting his hand down my shirt and under my bra so that his hand was totally right up against the skin of my back. Now, I don't know if this would turn on any other girls, but I didn't feel anything. However, when I was hanging out with my girls, I seriously wanted to cuddle with one of them (who incidently is bi-sexual) but not because I felt anything for her, I just wanted to cuddle.

Is it possible not to have a sexuality? I realize I'm a bit young to be asking this, but considering that I'm 20 years old and have never felt anything for anybody I'm curious. Maybe it's just not the right time for me?

Ardelle,

There are a couple of possibilities.

1. Maybe you never felt anything for anyone because the right person just hasn't come along yet.

2. Maybe the feelings of wanting to cuddle are gay feelings, but they could be just wanting to be close like girlfriends sometimes do. Especially if you are living away from home and are a bit lonely.

3. You could be bisexual and this is the first of your gay feelings, and you haven't had any feels for a guy YET.

4. You could be a lesbian who is having her first sexual feelings toward another woman.

If you are straight, gay, or bisexual these are a few of the things to remember.....

You can have romantic feelings for someone or you can have sexual feelings for someone or you have both.

You can have one or both feelings for men and not women and vice versa.

You can be bisexual and only be attracted to one person of one sex at a time.

Sexual feelilngs can be pretty confusing because you really have no control over what you feel. You may be able to control what you do- but you cannot control what your brain chooses to think. So sometimes it can be pretty confusing if it is not what you expect.

Try sitting somehwere and people watch....and just make notes in your head who looks attractive to you as they walk past. Men? Women? Both? This will ateast give you a little bit of an idea what you find sexually attractive. Try not to turn off whatever you feel. All you are doing this for is to try to get in touch with your feelings.

Another thing to realize is that your sexuality is not necessarily something that is rock solid set in stone at first. Sometimes those first feelings are a bit confused and a person who will end up straight has gay feelings and vice versa. Guys often do some experimentation with gay sexual behavior when they are in their teens, while women are more likely to do it in their early 20s.

There are tests to help you determine what your sexual orientation is. But I wouldn't trust them - they are more for fun - until you have some actul sexual experiences that you can connect your feelings with.

Hope that helps a bit.
Susan