I'm a single father. I want to talk to my 13 year old daughter about sex but don't know where to start. I was putting some of her clothes away and found a vibrator in her drawer. This is why I want to talk to her. Does anybody have any suggestions?

Who better than dad to talk to his daughter about sex? Lucky girl.

First, do not mention the vibrator.

Second, talk to her about how she is coming to the age where she needs more privacy. Talk about locking doors. Personal space. Tell her you trust her and that you want to give her more adult responsibilities. If you clean her room - time for her to do it herself. And from now on you are going to put her clothes on the bed for her to put away. Let her have some space that is off limits to you - and you have some space that is off limits to her if you do not already. That's enough for the first discussion.

Third, after that has been going on a bit - then it is time to talk more about personal, private space. Let her know that her body is under her control and that she and only she gets to decide what she wants to do with it. Let her know that you can tell her what values you have, but she is now old enough that you have no controrl over her behavior all the time.And then you can talk about what kind of behavior you think is appropriate for her. Start with the easy stuff - the things you have control over.
Dating 1:1? Dating with a group of friends? Dating only by visiting each others houses chaperoned. Groups sleepovers? Curfew? Off-limit places?


This might not lead directly into sex, but it probably will. Most kids have a lot of information already.But they aren't likely to tell you what they don't know, or say they don't know everything - so assume they know nothing.

First talk about sex only in glowing wonderful terms. then talk about what level of committment you think is necessary to have that wonderful experience. after you lay your values out - then it is time to talk about the mechanics.

Begin with the basic of how a body works. She already has an idea how hers works- so it will be mostly important for her to understand how yours and other men's works. One of the biggest problems girls face around sex as teens is guys telling them untruths about how their body works. How they NEED sex.

It is critically important that any girl understands that the only reason to use condoms is NOT birth control. It is to prevent disease. Wmen can get sexually transmitted diseases from anal and oral sex - so having that kind of sex takes away the risk of pregnanc, but NOT disease.

Well that's a start.......

Susan

Very Good words Susan...I may repeat some.
The best idea is that Dad gets to her SOON. Kids at that age and above tend to think that Dad/ Mom knows nothing and their friends do. That's why she has a vibrator and probably more than that is going on. Kids that age love sleep-overs at their friends houses where parents may be naive as to what is happening.

So, it is important that Dad has updated information from here, and does not use the information taught to him from years ago. One thing... Kids are GOING to have sex...it's a status symbol in school. So, safety is so important.
After bringing up a daughter, here's what I found.
The kids think this way: all of it NOT true
1.They can always get an abortion.

A botched abortion could permanently damage or kill her.And it's expensive.

2.They feel that AIDS is not a killer and drugs will cure it.

This is no known cure for AIDS. It will kill you.
And is spreading rapidly.

3.They think Herpes is just an annoyance and they won't get it.

Herpes is a total pain and passes around easily.

4.Drugs can cure anything.

We know drugs help ease suffering and pain, but don't cure everything.Drugs are expensive and have annoying side effects.

5.Oral sex is completely safe.

STDS can be passed thru oral sex.

6.Dad and Mom have old ideas or know nothing

You need to prove this wrong.

7. If he pulls out ,I won't get pregnant.

It takes only one sperm. Prostates do leak sperm in pre-cum before ejaculation.

8. Birth control pills solve everything.

STDS are not stopped by birth control pills.

Sit down with her and talk...it could save her life.
She needs to have safe sex. Never casual sex without a condom.
Please come back here often and ask us anything you want.
Gregorio

Thanks for the advices. How should I approach her about the conversation?

The car when you are going far away is a great place - neither of you can escape the conversation once it starts.

Otherwise do something you like together. Eat a bowl of her favorite ice cream, play her favorite board game, do something you enjoy together so she know this is a "good" conversation - not a serious you are in trouble and we are going to have a talk.

Great place to talk, Susan, over an ice cream or something.
It might be a good time to remind her how much you love her and care for her well-being, which is what this is all about. She has to know that she can always talk to you about anything and you'll always be there for her. Kids that age, and younger, today are thinking about fooling around; talking about fooling around,or are already fooling around. So, nothing there should surprise you. Be calm and cool. Armed with information you get here, you will be prepared. You can do it. She should know all about sex so she can deal with almost every possible situation that might come up. She should be very comfortable talking to you. You should continue these talks...it's just not a one time event.
You will sleep better.
Gregorio