Susan,

I don't know if you're qualified to answer this or not, but what would compel me to want to watch my wife have sex with other men than myself?

Personally, I'm a stallion in bed with a nice sized, shaped equipment. I'm sensitive to my partners needs and can last as long as I or my partner needs. I really get excited licking,sucking, and nibbling my partners lips and teh rest of her body. I jsut love the complete package.

I hope I don't sound like a braggart, but I know what my freinds are like and have spoken with many men reagrdign their M.O.'s in bed.

My point is that I'm almost obsessed with the idea.

I would consider myself sexually abused, becasue while I was a young child(6 yrs and up) I was exposed to all sorts of things.

I'm just confused in the respect that I'm not sure whether this stems from the abuse or from my personality. If it is because of the abuse I don't want to continue it. If it's because of my personality I don't have a problem with it.

It's jsut creating a paradox in my life that I'm having difficulty with.

Thanks so much for taking your time to compose a thoughtful answer.

Roller,

If I am reading right you haven't actually done anything yet. And I suggest you don't. At least not without thinking it through very thoroughly.

You say you were exposed to things as a child- well this could mean that your sexual boundaries are not very firm.

First you should know that the imagining of seeing her with others- or them seeing you could be enough to make sex more exciting. Try that and see that happens.

If that's not enough - talk to her about it - about pretending. See what her response is. Try to pretend to be someone else. Or ask her to talk about her fantasies ( if she has them ) about being with others - famous people- imaginary people. She what happens then.

Now if all goes well with this- and you still think you need to go further....find a swing club far away from home. And just try having sex with her in front of another couple.

Every step you take in this will change your relationship forever. You do not want to risk going too far too fast.

Don't push her to do anything she resists. Let her think about it and she MIGHT change her mind. Try to force her and she will not change her mind, and you could ruin your relationship.

Some couple switch partners, watch each other, have multiple partners, and it works out very well for everyone- but both people have to understand what is going to happen and feel comfortable stating how far things will go.

Most likely the reason you want to do this is partly because of you experiences as a child - that doesn't mean it is a bad thing, but it could be.

All good ideas Susan.

Roller

You may be slightly insecure about your own sexuality,and your past, and although you try very hard to please her, and you are confident about yourself, and your attributes, you wonder in the back of your head, if some other guy (s) could do a better job than you, and what exactly would be her reaction to someone else and would she still like you best sexually? Am I close?
Your basic idea may be very similar to the pleasure a guy gets from watching pornos; to see other couples having sex from a private point of view..except in this case, you would be emotionally attached to the female and watching her every reaction. Right?

And so you wonder to yourself...how would this be? Am I the best? Or is someone better? This is because you are looking at sex from purely a PHYSICAL point of view and you are somewhat confused as to why you feel this way.
The point is that great sex is much MORE than just physically satisfying your partner...it is a mental bond too, and in marriage it is extremely important for BOTH to exist together. I believe that right now, you are trying to "patch up" your minor problems with sex in hopes that they will go away. Us guys all do that whether we admit it or not..it is easier to satisfy the woman than to talk out these minor problems before hand. Right?


I think, if this is the case, quietly and softly talking more together, in general, and reinforcing your love for each other often may be all that you need to do. Let your wife know you are her best friend and how much her love for you means to you. It certainly wouldn't hurt.
Know that no one could ever give your wife more than you do.....forget the past cause you cannot change it.
Simply love your wife (that is mentally and physically) like you never done before, reinforce the bond that brought you two together, and see if that feels better! I think that it will and these notions may vanish!
Gregorio