Well, my love story as sadly ended because Tiffany still has feelings for her first love of 2 years. However she doesn't want to be with anyone right now. We are still going to be good friends, and hopefully get back together...

Does that ever happen?

Nathan,

She wasn't ready for a relationship yet. In fact I hazard to guess she was never in a relationship with you- only you with her.

But yes, sometimes people do meet at the wrong time, stay in touch, and get together when the time is right. Sometimes people know each other for a long time and there is no spark - and suddenly out of the blue there is a spark that ignites.

I met the man I love about 10 years before our relationship chnaged from a very casual acquaintanship to him standing by me while I wallowed in grief over a relationship that had ended to me falling in love with him. So yes, absolutely - it can happen - but it is rare.

Susan

What Susan said. Most of us have had similar disappointments. Also remember what I always say, that you need to be very good friends before you can get serious for anything that will last. Right now, you are way too young to settle down or get serious. It's lucky that you found out about that now instead of 3 years or one kid later. We always learn a bit from past relationships.
So, what to do now? Pick up your head, try to understand and just go on...the right one will come along when the time is right. In the meanwhile, you got other interests or hobbies to keep you busy. And your physical health too. Please come back here and drop us a line.
Gregorio

Nathan, I feel for you, I got dumped last night and it wasn't a nice feeling. My heart felt like it was burning through my chest and I felt so light headed with the surprise I thought I might faint.

I apologise for using this space to vent, but my life is complicated and I have no way else to get this upset out.

I have no one to talk to, no one to cry to.

I got dumped with out warning in the most tactless way, which is what I find most upsetting. I was dumped via text message. while I was at his house - he had invited me over, when I got there he was ina weird mood I didn't know what was up, I ended up spending the day with his flat mate, at the end of the day I had gone up onto the roof to watch the sunset, when I came back he was gone. I asked him where he was and if he was okay and that's when he droped the bomb. He didn't even have the balls to talk to me directly and his reason was less than full, he simply told me he doesn't have the time or energy and that he saw no relationship developing at all.

He wont even talk to me now. The only contact I've had were a few text messages last night and a couple of emails.

No relationship developing at all? then why did he charm me the way he did? why did he draw me in and make me think I was something special? and why oh why did he have sex with me?
I just don't understand. What the heck goes on in the minds of males??

Who would treat a person this way?

I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at myself for being so stupid as to think someone actually found me sexy and worth their time.

I want to erase him from my mind but I can't, I feel like if only I could talk to him face to face he might realise how awful he was and take me back. I don't even know why I want him back after what he did. I'm so confused and my emotions so flipity flop that I couldn't sleep and I feel too sick to eat. We were friends 5 months and "together" less than one. Why does this hurt so bad?

Annie,

It hurts so bad because you exposed your vulnerabilities to someone and they didn't appreciate them. You like you have been walked on for no good reason. You had a good thing going for 5 months - maybe you'd still have a good thing if you hadn't taken it to the next level. Now you are wondering can you go back a month and be just friends again or can you fix what was missing in the last month and make it work.

I am sure you are going thru every possible scenario but one. Let it go. The guys sounds like he acted like a real jerk by dropping you via text message. The least he could have done is tell you face-to-face. But he took the comfortable way out for himself. And that is truly the measure of the man he is or more accurately is not.

Just be glad that it is only one month of your life you wasted on this guy. He did you a favor by getting out quick. He could of done what too many guys do--drag you along for months - then cheat on you - and then force you to say I am unhappy and this isn't working. Atleast he was decent enough not to drag it out.

Have a good cry and then pull your shoulders back put your head up and move on. This guy is not worth you spilling too many tears over. There will be a better guy and the soon you are over this guy the sooner you will find him.

Susan

A couple of weeks later and it no longer hurts, but I'm still going out of my mind. There are a lot of things that still frustrate me about the whole bizarre event/situation, but none as annoying as how ..err.. randy I feel now. It's seems he opened a big can of worms. Never before have I been so desperate for physical contact! Is this normal?

Absolutely normal - and now is the time to masturbate to your heart's content. Learn to play your body like a fine violin. And read a book you've been meaning to read. Start a new hobby. Use all that extra energy to do things. And make new friends.

Don;t jump into a rleationship right away. Wait until you are over this guy and know he is not just rebound.

When you date someone, it is similar to playing a game of clues.... you need to pay attention to all of the clues in detail. Watch his eyes, his attitude, his courtesy. Is it real or put on? Does he respect his mother? Does he send cards? Is he thoughtful to other people besides you? Does he love animals? Is he ambitious? Is he well liked by others? ETC. If you excuse things you do not like in hope that they will change, they probably won't. And thats what we all do...excuse these little things. For, just an example, if everything is right, but he smokes or drinks,and you don't, chances are he will not stop.And that in itself would be a huge pain for you! Once you develop this ability fully, you can learn a lot about people just reading what they write and know immediately that they are NOT for you.
I see that online a lot. Little clues.
Only when everything falls into place perfectly can you let your "heart" go. It involves "trust"...that is trusting him completely.... which holds you together when you are separate.Until that time, you must be suspicious. And personally, I'd take Susan's advice about masturbation and wait to give in to sex only when it's really right. It involves lots of patience.... it's like idling your motor when you feel like stripping your gears! But, we are talking about your life and your future. The "prize" should be kept only for Mr. Right.
Gregorio

That's the thing that confuses me most, I'm incredibly perceptive but I never had even the slightest notion of what I had coming my way, there were no clues, the sudden down pour was completely out of the blue. I gave myself to him because I trusted him and didn't doubt a single word he said. Trust isn't something I have ever, or will ever, take lightly (I WAS a 20 year old virgin).

Why are men so ..confusing???? lol.

I had almost the exact thing happen to me. I was sitting on a couch telling the man I loved how perfect our relationship was after two years of living together and he replied he wanted to break up. I was clueless as to what was wrong. Still am over a decade later. I had no idea it was coming. He had no reasons. There was not a single clue.

Men are just much better at masking their true feelings than women are.

You have sadly become the poster child why women must be so careful when they decide who to lose their virginity to. I'm sorry this is so hard for you.

This has happened to most of us. Someone likes you enough to get intimate, but there is something that just isn't right.
And for some reason it doesn't work out, and we wonder why and it bugs us to death, we could find out by simply asking them. However, we may be disappointed in their answer..they may not know themselves or it may be an ego buster; it may be something as simple as bad breath, dandruff, flaky skin, body odor, or even your friends that they dislike or what their friends say about you. You simply may not conform to their ideal person. However, there is probably nothing you can do to MAKE someone really like you...it seems that they do or don't. If they can't take you as you are, it's probably not worth it.

But, in any case...we just got to move on. Dwelling on a broken relationship can hurt a long time and serves no real purpose other than lessons learned.
The ironic and tough part comes, if later, they finally change their mind, (which happens) come back to you begging to get back together and you sadly turn them down because you did move on.
A person once said that this situation is similar to finding a bottle of sour milk in the refrigerator.If you go back later, it still will be sour.

He finally spoke to me in person.
I finally got my answers/reasons and I'm really torn on how I feel now.

The conversation really didn't come too easily at first, he seemed really upset and so I sat down next to him, I put my hand on his shoulder and he sort of edged away. I softly asked "why?" and he started to sob (I don't think I've ever been so heart broken, it upset me to see him so upset). He slowly told me the reason for him breaking up with me. He admited he had gone about it all wrong, and that it wasn't how he had intended it to happen, but that night when I was there he had just kind of fallen appart and that's why he had disappeared and wouldn't talk to me.
His reason for breaking up with me was kind of a noble one. He felt himself starting to really fall for me and that worried him because he leaves this country to go home in two and a half months, after which, it would be a long long time before we'd see each other again (at that's an IF we'd see each other again).
He decided that it would be easier if he broke it off then, rather than later on after letting us get really attached to each other. He didn't want to do it, but he felt he had to, and he thought it would be easier for me to get over him if he made me hate him.


Now I don't know what to do, I think I was starting to fall for him. I had been thinking about love a lot and what people say it feels like. I think being in love is like having an itch that you can't reach yourself, and having the one person by your side, who can reach a part of you, that no one else can.

Of course I can't honestly say that what I feel for him is the kind of love that lasts forever because I really don't know, but I would rather have him for as long as I can than not. As things stand now, I feel like I'm a donkey that has a carrot dangled infront of me. He's so close, but still out of reach.

I would rather have fond memories and miss him forever, than hate him briefly and then forget about him.

I told him what had happened was probably for the best, that it would be really hard to say goodbye and it was sweet of him to try and protecr me from that. But I don't know, should I tell him how I really feel? That I want him for as long as I can have him and I don't care how much it will hurt when he has to leave me??

Annie,

You are in a tough place to be. But you no longer have to hate him. You now know why he did what he did - so you can understand why he did it even if you don't like it.

If seems to me that you have already been breaking it off with him in your head - its been hard- but you have made some progress. To spend time with him again you'd have to go over most of what you already have already.

Do you think it is possible at this point to be just friends for the time he has left? How far away is home for him? Is there any chance he would come back or you go to where he lives if you two were really the right one for each other?

What it comes down to - you've broken up once, do you want to break up twice?

Susan

I had accepted that he didn't want me and that he felt there was nothing there because I felt that there was nothing I could do; to now find out that was not the case stirs up all these feelings inside me again, and the fact that he was trying to protect me just makes me adore him even more.

Home, for him, is on the other side of the planet, about as far from my home as one can possibly get.
I do intend moving up there for a couple of years when I go for my Big OE, but that's most likely 4yrs+ into the future. He starts a degree at a rather prestigious University in september, he's a very smart guy.

I keep thinking about how it would be when he leaves if we'd got back together, it does scare me how much I'd miss him and how much it would hurt, but then I don't see it as us breaking up again, I see it as our thing simply ending and us saying goodbye.

Sounds like you made up your mind already. Enjoy your time with him.