I'm a 29 year-old man and for some reason, I have a difficult time keeping an erection when I'm on top. This is not a new problem either. In fact, I've never been able to orgasm while on top. Every time I've climaxed during intercourse, the girl has always been on top. My girlfriend wants me on top more -- because she likes it. And I want to as well. THe only thing I can think of is that I've masturbated so much in my life (99% of the time on my back) that I have a tough time in any other position.
I know it's weird that I have trouble doing it "missionary style," but this is a problem I want to fix.
I've been trying to be on top more, but the erection only seems to last for 4-5 minutes and my girlfriend is, very understandably, becoming frustrated.
Your problem is that you don't realize you have no problem.
4-5 minutes of thrusting while on top is more than what most men can accomplish. If your girlfriend isn't satisfied with that - that means you haven't had enough foreplay. No woman is going to orgasm from 5 minutes of sex - and few women are going to orgasm from missionary postion. I don't know how sexually experienced either of you are, but it sounds to me like your expectations are unrealistic.
Good sex is important...
Susan's idea on foreplay is right on. I live for foreplay.
However, you are going to say that...if you have more foreplay, you will orgasm sooner than right now. That could be true. You could have her give you less stimulation or you could try a numbing agent on the head and underneath the head of your penis to slow down sensations. Super.
You could also try some of the various sex enhancer herbs to help give you more CONTROL (believe it or not) and for a fast recovery for 2nd and more times around if wanted.
Walgreens has Libido-max and Power V (old Chinese herbs)to get you going. Nature stores have various herb combinations that are good..much cheaper than Viagra, Levitra etc which work good too by almost allowing you the choice of when you want to ejaculate..
Susan will tell you that Viagra is a womans best friend for what it does..
By the way, because you can then hold back, you will be bigger and harder when you do orgasm which will satisfy her better. Don't forget the lube.
The good news is that you will last longer as you get older.
Another way when doing it missionary style is during the time you think you will lose your erection or when you feel an orgasm coming on, arch your back up, suspend yourself on your hands, knees, toes so only your penis is contacting her.This, simply by gravity, sends more blood to your penis,helps gets rid of a little extra heat coming from her
( which may be part of the problem) and really makes your penis bigger which equals a better orgasm(s) for both of you. She will really notice it and REALLY look forward to the next time. It concentrates the pleasure directly in the pelvis. When you raise yourself up, she will be bracing herself for a strong climax. Try it and see. Come back here and let us know if we helped.
Gregorio
Susan, thanks for the input, but I really do think I have a problem. I've yet to speak with another man who can't achieve orgasm while in the missionary position. I think a healthy 29-year-old man such as myself should be able to maintain an erection for more than 3-5 minutes in that position. Before my current girlfriend, I had very little experience being on top, which probably contributes to the problem.
The really frustrating part is that she wants me on top -- and she wants me to achieve orgasm in this position, but for some reason, I can't do it! Did I mention she is VERY sexy?
For example, tonight we were in bed kissing and hugging and I got an erection. She removed her pants and I positioned myself on top of her while still wearing my shorts. I started to make thrusting motions (still wearing my shorts) while I kissed her. Then when I thought about removing my shorts to have actual sex with her, I became nervous that I would lose my erection. Guess what happened? I lost my erection before I could even get my shorts off.
This is not natural and I fear it could ruin our relationship.
You've identified your problem yourself. You got nervous. Nerves are erection killers. First you have to get over your nerves. Then you need to read up what is NORMAL and ORDINARY for sexual duration while a man is thrusting.
But one thing you can try is a cock ring. A cock ring is a very safe band you put around your penis which keeps the blood flow into your penis which causes your erection. My partner has tried every kind as he has erectile dysfunction and he likes the ones I sell on my page the best. You get 4 of them (they don't last forever, they dry out and get hard).They are worth every penny - and we buy a new box of them about once a year.
It could be that you do have the beginning of ed or a circulation problem. The valves that keep an erection up are leaking down and causing you to lose it, nerves or otherwise. Susans idea is good. Once you lose it, you are on edge that it will happen again which contributes to the next failure.
That's why I mentioned some sex enhancers earlier which make up for a lot of problems and can even give you more CONFIDENCE, bigger size, longer lasting erections, more control etc. They also help with circulation and DESIRE. It wouldn't hurt to try one, and a cock ring assuming you are physically fit..... if you are a smoker,drinker, overweight, eat poorly, overworked, out of shape or use drugs, that could also contribute to it also. Almost everybody has at least one vice....we either cure it or work around it.
Gregorio
Just to be sure, I have an appointment with a doctor this morning. I'll let you guys know the outcome. However, I did speak with a friend of mine, a urologist, who says it's probably something called "Selective Erectile Dysfunction" (not sure of the English translation). He recommended getting more exercise, losing weight and continuing to try. He seems to think all the blood leaves my penis because my body is trying to support myself while I'm on top.
I went to the doctor and explained my problem to her. She says it could be physical or mental -- or a combination of two. To rule out any physical problems, she gave me a physical (including a prostate exam -- ouch!) I have to fast tonight and go back tomorrow morning for some blood work to rule out cholesterol problems or diabetes. If everything checks out physically, she'll most likely recommend counseling. In the meantime, she gave me some samples of Levitra and Cialis. I'll continue to keep you posted.
This weekend was awesome for my girlfriend and me! I think I forgot to mention that the doctor gave me some samples of Levitra and Cialis to try out while we wait for the results of my blood tests. So, I ended up taking a Cialis Friday night, but it didn't do anything for me. Besides, my girlfriend was in pain from going to the gym, so it would not have been pleasurable for her. We didn't do anything Saturday, but Sunday was full-on crazy sex. I woke up horny, and so did she. I guess she really wanted me to cum inside her because she jumped on top of me immediately. It didn't take long for me to have an orgasm. Then, an hour later, I was horny again, so I got on top of her. This time, I was able to last longer than 3-5 minutes. I think I went for around 15 or 20 minutes. She had an orgasm, but I didn't. No worries. Later in the day, I was horny again -- and so was she. Once again, I was on top and enjoying it! We even switched to doggy for a few minutes. Then, she got on top and had another orgasm. Note: I'm still unable to achieve orgasm while I'm on top at this point. Then, Monday comes. She slides her sexy body into bed next to me -- and I get an immediate erection. I start kissing her, rubbing her and playing with myself. I'm telling her how much I want to be inside her. Finally, I get on top of her and start thrusting. I go for about 5 minutes and the next thing I know, I feel like I'm going to cum, so I start telling her, "I'm going to cum" over and over and she starts saying, "Fuck me!" And I did it! I came in inside her! This was the first time I've ever had an orgasm while I'm on top!!! So, I don't know what happened this weekend, but it seems like I'm not able to maintain an erection while on top and I'm able to achieve orgasm. These are things I couldn't do before. I'm very happy.
Thanks for coming back. Maybe we helped you a little.
If you are going to use any one of the big three sex enhancers often, getting the right dosage; an amount that does the job, but doesn't cause side effects, is most important. Many guys have learned to be pill cutters for economic reasons. ....about ten dollars per daily session gets rather pricy....so you always get the largest size and cut it. If you decide on getting a prescription, you may find that the right amount of "Power V" from Walgreens is almost as good and way cheaper.
Or, stand back.... use a little "Power V" ( V has got to be inferred as almost as good as Viagra) from Walgreens and a little Cialis, Viagra,or Levitra for a rock hard erection and lots of staying power. Now you got Maca, Yohimbe, L Arginine, Horny Goat Weed, Tribulis Testeris,(like testosterone) and others adding to it. These also make you DESIRE sex as in "horny". There is also herbs for the lady if she wants them.
This was Stamina RX's manufacturers idea.. sneak Viagra into the formula....every guy who ever tried it came back for more till they pulled it off the market as guys were taking it that shouldn't.....coincidentally these pills were also blue in color....it was extremely powerful. As with any pill....not too many, not too often, but taken occasionally as a little push.... your days of going soft on top may be ending.
Nothing that I know of that works. The best thing is a man (or a woman) who knows what they are doing.
If a woman doesn't ever get horny at all - she can have her hormones checked and she might need a supplement of testoterone. Some birth control pills reduce your interest in sex.
Anonymous (no login)
Re: Difficulty Maintaining Erection While on Top
March 9 2006, 1:43 AM
But I posted that question about women because Gregorio said "There is also herbs for the lady if she wants some". ??
Yes, I know Gregorio said that, but as far as I know they don't work to get you interested in sex. They may help your body respond better. But just like the herbs for men the interest has to be there. Viagra doesn't help you get interested in sex - it gives you are a hard-on when you are horny. Herbs for women do the same thing - a clitoris needs to be responsive by getting hard to have orgasmic sex, but if you aren't interested it isn't going to help.