Heres how it is,
i have been going out with my girlfriend for nearly half a year now and we have been talking about having sex, we have come close to it before but havnt got past oral. We are both not sure if we are ready for different reasons but when we are together we both seem ready.
I was analy raped 2 years ago and abused previous to that by a girl, so since then i have just come to the conclusion that sex leads to bad things. Sometimes me and my girlfriend have arguaments about it because she thinks she is just being stupid. Her problem is that even while fingering her after a while she starts to panic and starts crying, we have tried to get past this by her telling me when she feels she is about to panic so that i stop and she doesnt get upset. I dont understand why she panics, she doesnt even know why but there isnt anything i can do about that.
Something might happen during the easter holidays but im not sure wether i want it too, things change when i am with her, i dont want to hurt her and i dont want to ruin what we have.
If anyone has any advice then please give it freely.
Your girlfriend is not ready to have sex. She needs counseling to help her understand what it is she is feeling and why. This is probably not something that you being patient and considerate is going to change. He reaction to sex is not ordinary and indicates she was probably abused when she was younger. She might not even remember being abused. But when you touch her in certain ways or talk about things it stirs up feelings of panic for her. Until she gets counseling - no sex - or the trauma you cause her could be much worse than what she is experiencing now.
If she wants to write to me - I can help her find somewhere she can go. She can email me at susan@sexsupport.org