Hello Susan & others,

well, I feel like I'm beating a dead horse now. But I have a couple follow-up questions/opinions to ask of you. You probably remember me "disabled and confused" from last week. I've reviewed the other resources you've given me and still wonder the following: do you have any suggestions/ideas on why the retrograde ejaculations last so long? Lastly, for some reason having the "head knowledge" finally of what is causing this, seems to be making it occur more frequently. Do you think it is physical buildup, a psychological issue at this point or something else? In one sense, it's awesome to know what I am experiencing in my body finally. On the other hand, finally realizing and excepting that I am ejaculating REALLY, seems to cause more frequent occurrences. I don't feel like a freak or nearly as perverted anymore, learning its normal in spinal cord injuries. But something is changing and it seems to me that has to be in my head to some degree at least. Probably just as simple as adjusting to it-? This may not make any sense to you, but I didn't think it with hurt to ask you. Thanks for understanding (I hope) but if you have no more suggestions/comments I certainly understand! You've already helped me with the real issue here (and I'm sharing the information with others), so thanks either way-Philly

Philly,
My best guess is that you have had and still have some control over these feelings. Before when you had an inkling they were going to happen (even subconsciously) you made them stop - you thought about something that would kill the feeling. Now you are more comfortable with them - so you don't hit the kill switch. I would also guess that this is temporary and that you will slow back down to normal soon. Your body is just having a good time being free of the constraints you put on it before.
Susan

Susan, you have no idea how pleased I am that you wrote back to me. I was almost certain you would suggest psychological consultation or something. I not only can't afford that, but I am not prepared to admit this publicly. Now that you've opened the door I will tell you a little more-and hope you don't mind. First of all, you probably have hit everything right on the head. In all honesty, I was so thrilled with your "diagnosis of sorts" and and all of the referrals to back it, that I told those that I've trusted with this and felt so much better until very late last night & today. The only thing I slightly question about your answer, is that I have control over this. The truth is, it's just as intense and distracting as previous experiences. But if this is your idea of my body "having fun" I just don't know. I've been wanting to write you so badly, but my lunch helper was here. I'm telling you this is out of control right now. I won't get into every detail I'm feeling, out of decency but it's not good. It would be easy to explain I am coming, but it goes way beyond that. I seriously wonder if "opening this can of worms" was a good idea. I would only be in total denial of this if I don't tell you (I feel). I seem to have released something in my mind, or something, because even an attractive woman on TV will excel the phantom feeling (or so I used to refer to it as). No outside element has ever contributed to this "feeling" before. I feel really good talking to you about this right now, because you've been so understanding. But after I wrote to you last time a tremendous humility along with the retrograde ejaculation intensified so much I regretted writing until I saw your reply. Perhaps I, or my mind (whatever) is just not up to this is that makes sense. I really hope your accurate in that I will get control over this, because I just don't know what to do or say any more. I don't even know you, but I don't want to humiliate myself further so I will stop now. I know you cannot give professional advice etc. but is there any way we can keep somewhat of open communication on this? I will not bother you unless absolutely necessary. I would give you my e-mail but so many caregivers assist me with the computer that they would be bound to see it-and I really don't want that. I understand either way, but I'm not playing a little game or anything like that, this is really affected me & it would be good to have an open-minded resource if/when I need it. I am writing an autobiography, and I could barely concentrate on the simplest of words, but I'm doing fine with you (I use voice recognition because of my disability) ... does any of this makes sense to you? (I hope) ... I will anxiously look for your reply especially if it still happening, if you suggest counseling or something I would certainly understand but I hope to control this as you suggest fairly soon! Thanks again-confused again I guess

One last attempt to explain: it's like a year's worth of adrenaline hitting me "right there" all at once. Sorry if I'm being a pain, but this is the best description I could possibly give without saying things I don't want to. I thought you should know-?

Imagine there is a little tiny stream of water coming from the ocean that runs around your sand castle. You have a little moat and the water doesn't damage your sand castle. So periodically the waves of the water are stronger - you worry about your sand castle - so you dig the moat a bit deeper or pile a little sand on the other side of the moat. The water worries you, but you keep it under control.

So now I have told you that the water is coming into the moat is normal. The waves will bring the water in and the waves will bring the water out again. So you relax and stop attending to your moat. So the moat fills up. And it is slower to empty out. Its still ok, but now it is worrisome to you again. You need to find a balance between attending to your moat and just enjoying it when it is working properly. This is going to be harder for you, because you aren't sure what you were doing to keep yor moat under control.

But you can - it will just take time.

You can always email me - susan@sexsupport.org

But you can always post here to- that what this is here for. Post as often as you like - no reason to apologize.

Susan

The sensation stopped practically cold turkey well before I read this & signed on to tell you. I know one thing I didn't have any control over it (in my head) if just quickly faded and stopped completely. This is definitely weird, and if/when it happens again and I expect it will the way I have been feeling. I will exercise your suggestions step-by-step. No doubt about it, you will like selected is a going ly help me through this. I have a clear mind right now-beautiful! Although, I am a little worn out almost like I've been through the cleaner. Thank you again for being so caring, understanding, and downright helpful. I read your little beach description however and honestly I can't imagine that helping what I was experiencing today, let alone what used to come on every now and then. The biggest thing is knowing I'm not losing my mind. I'll just mention one more thing (if I didn't before) I do remember several months ago waking up in the middle of the night & imagining or dreaming that I was masturbating or actually have sex to some degree-? And I needed to fully satisfy dozens of beautiful naked women. Probably has nothing to do with anything, but I vividly remember that right now (and my mind is as cool as a cucumber). Go figure! This was a onetime occurrence I think, but it's similar to what I'm experiencing in that, it doesn't stop until something in me is satisfied-but I will definitely be working on that because I need to get over this-and I will! You may hear back from me I don't know-? I really appreciate you just excepting me even though you don't know me-maybe someday I will tell you my name and more about me if you're interested-? If I get to handle this on my own I will certainly let you know as well. Thanks again.

You do know a lot of men dream, get hard-ons and ejaculate while sleeping? Men can wake up with hard-ons because they need to pee - or because their dreams turned him on. Guys can also get turned on seeing a girl pass them by or from a memory that breezes past in their memory.

I think you will find a silution to what is happening to you - you are jsuting g65ng through a period of adjustment.

Of course I know all about wet dreams, etc. I was able bodied until 21 & married/committed for a few years. Not to mention what I went through with puberty etc. etc. I was just sharing a dream with you that came to mind with "similar experiences" with what's been happening lately. I am sure you are accurate, in that I will overcome this, but I really believe you telling me the facts about retrograde ejaculation has done something to me both physically and mentally. I've explained this thoroughly I am sure. But prepare yourself for the latest. I really don't even feel good telling you about this but it happened and was really another first. I was doing just fine, with this struggle and everything else this evening. My caregiver arrived, did her usual duties including great conversation, personal care eating dinner etc. then "right out of the blue" I happened to casually look at her face while she was washing my body like every other time. She only briefly washed my privates just like 1000 times before with all my helpers. She wasn't smiling or anything, just doing her job. I couldn't even see my body and obviously couldn't feel. But when I noticed her eyes focusing on my genitals I had another strong urge of ejaculation. I feel like a broken record and still worry that you will judge me. It lasted about 20 minutes and then faded. I tried to think of your suggestion and I could barely remember how it goes, honestly the more I concentrated on anything else (the news was also on) but it only intensified. I've decided from now anyways to listen to your advice very seriously & also to continue paying about this. I simply cannot let this consume me the way it is. I felt so good for a few hours and then that I don't really expect you to say anything else I guess I just had to get it off my chest. I don't look at my caregiver's that way and this really did a number on me. I'm very humbly submitting this to you, but I'm starting to wonder if talking about it might be making things worse ultimately? I needed this understanding for close to 20 years of disability and I understand cognitively but at least today the simplest of little occurrences that have nothing to do with anything at all seem to stimulate the so-called "retrograde ejaculation" by the time I hit enter I'll probably even feel foolish about telling you. Your little analogy will probably be helpful overtime, but right now my head at least & perhaps my sensations of what you've described seemed to be worsening as a result of simply knowing about it. Certainly make suggestions if you're comfortable, but I'm going to pray hard about this because I'm not very comfortable with how I've become so to speak (all in one day). I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but if you do so, please pray for me as well. That's all I can write, it's over anyway for now but this was such a strange day I just had to tell you my experiences. I'm not losing it completely I am sure, but obviously quite distraught right now. I don't think I can handle this if it happens to become long-term although it shouldn't right? Thank you for understanding of course,

What do you do all day? How are you independent? Maybe now that you know what these are you should take a new leap into some venture to occupy yourself?

I get your drift for sure! Not a whole lot at this time, but it hasn't changed over the past several years. I dictated into my autobiography, play computer contest, watch a lot of TV etc. I am looking for employment with my job coach but it's really tough as a quadriplegic to find something. Strangely enough I am just fine now, not even feeling badly or confused. Maybe you can see where my mind set is now. It comes on like a beast and then I'm fine. I'm overly confident now that tomorrow will be better I will continue crying for this more to night of course. There's no doubt that more stimuli would help, certainly couldn't hurt. My time is all wrapped up with my caregiver's etc. right now anyways. I think you're right, this is going to be a learning experience to get used to and put past me. I never have been a real patient person, and I was hoping for a quicker solution/fix like I thought I found Friday or Saturday with you. Patients, prayer, communication with you when necessary I'm sure will get me through fine. It's just such an emotional roller coaster today anyways. Goodnight & I wish I could find more to occupy me as you suggest but will have to overcome as mentioned above & I KNOW I CAN! THANKS AGAIN SO VERY MUCH

Do you belong to any online communities?

Before my accident I collected baseball cards and I try to follow a yahoo baseball card group, and I was following a chat room about disabilities in yahoo too. But, somehow people got my e-mail address, etc. and I got bombarded with the most ridiculous pop-up offers I've ever seen. Then, the yahoo instant messenger started messing with my voice activation software, so I had to discontinue. That was kind of interesting, but more annoying than anything. Susan, just as I hoped for, things are fine now. Probably between your efforts to keep me informed, combined with diverting attention will continue-and I just have to get used to retrograde ejaculation. When my mind is clear its just that simple! Really I keep pretty busy anyways. I follow baseball & football, a lot of the shows & my favorite programming. I love computer and radio contest and my quality of life is pretty good considering my overall challenges of quadriplegia. So, I'm just sticking with the positive side of life right now! Not much more to tell you right now, I just don't want repeats of yesterday (obviously).

You don't have to answer, but I'm curious how you are able to help so many people for free on here? No matter how it works, I know it is comforting to know I can "talk" to you when I need to. Do you have a degree in this field, etc? Lastly, whenever this comes on again, I really want to try to overcome it myself, perhaps with the example you have given me. The problem I found yesterday when I tried to think about the waves, etc. the waves were not only crashing-I was flooded! No doubt this will take some time. But you are great! Thanks again, Philly

Philly,

I have had this site up for 11 years now. This part has been up only about 6-7 - don't really remember when I started it. There are links to the rest of the site below.

I pay for the costs to keep this site running out of pocket. I ask for donations periodically when a bill comes due (which one is this month - $149.50 for website hosting!) I do sell sex toys and a lubrication I recommend on one of the pages. None of it adds up to even half the cost to keep it going. The paypal link surprises me once in a while with an unexpected donation.

If you go to the pages about me you can see what training I have had and what my education is, etc. I have taken lots of classes to do this, and have lots of life experience, and can do good internet research. I am a certified counselor, but not in sex counseling as that requires I do this from an office to get supervised. I also know a lot of people I can ask for help from if I get stumped with a question.

I am disabled myself and work mostly from home and not full-time - so I have lots of time to post on here. I usually answer posts everyday - when I don't it usually means I am up to my eyeballs with work, or I am out of town with no internet access or most likely researching a question.

So check out the rest of the site: http://www.sexsupport.org

Susan

Now you are really an inspiration to me! If you're comfortable, tell me about your disability. I really wish I could contribute & I do remember reading this, but I am on low income. You probably have thought of all this, but there are government and state grants for this type of thing from time to time and perhaps even universities. Have you consider these funding sources? I have more to ask you, (mostly foolish little things) but out of respect for your time etc., I can wait, or at least until I hear back from you. You are even greater than I realized by taking on this responsibility. It must be rewarding, but frustrating at times to, hearing so many problems. What interested you in this to begin with? Take care, Philly

My disability is minor incomparison to yours. I fell off a loft bed about 20 years ago and suffered 3 compression fractures in my lumbar region. I recovered, but had poor balance. So then about 4 years later I lost my balance on stairs and fell turning my foot completely backwards - shattering my ankle and my lower leg. The bones were pulled out and replaced with steel rods and pins. So now I use a scooter as standing is too painful and walking long distances impossible. Currently I have a pinched nerve (since Xmas Eve) that is driving me crazy.

I started this when my son entered puberty. I looked for resources for him and found none. I decided this was needed. He is now 22.

Feel free to ask anything you like. I can always say no if I don't want to answer.

Susan

First of all my computer messed up on the latest posting about me reading the poem. Now my foolish little question: you mentioned a difference between orgasm & ejaculation. I really don't know the difference at least from my own experiences. My ex-wife always ran to the bathroom to clean up quickly and I never knew the difference in women either. I knew she was dripping and thought it was one in the same. So, to avoid long Internet searches perhaps you could briefly explain when you have time? To go one step further, only if you're comfortable, I've always wondered what it felt like for a female. For me anyways, it always felt like trying to hold back as long as I could before exploding (releasing). When I was younger, I simply couldn't get enough & thought I was very abnormal. I masturbated way too much (sometimes over ten times a day). Although I married as a virgin! I was thinking my experiences now could stem from back then, but it didn't start happening for the first few years of my disability. Enough of that, obviously only answer what you're comfortable with. By the way: every disability is equal in my mind. That might sound strange, but the littlest of impairments can be more disabling to one person than my quadriplegic is to me. I've seen so much, bad attitudes etc. etc. when those people had a hangnail compared to me. It's all a matter of attitude! I may not be back on today so have a great night & take care, Philly

Orgasm is a feeling. It is what goes on inside your head. It is pleasure.

Ejaculation is your body expelling liquid that likely means you have had an orgasm.

Orgasm for me is like fireworks going off in my head, a earthquake shattering through my body, and the heat sensation of a lava flow.

Okay, thanks for the exclamation. The way you explain yours, sounds even more intense than what I've experienced before or after my accident. Maybe it's actually better for women, although I think it's less regular. Regarding the disability postings. I better pass this by you first. I had many extremely erotic moments in the hospital, but one in particular that might be interesting to people. However, it's a little explicit. Basically I was placed on a special hot air mattress in the hospital in the middle of summer. I had a decubitus sore that needed special treatment. I had no idea what was going on with my body at the time, but was getting reflex erections quite regularly. There was no air-conditioning back then & a very young nurse and I ensure that the Nurse by went through quite an ordeal. A lot of it turned out to be easily explained as I got older but, very enticing, humiliating for both the nurse and I back in the 80's. There's a lot more to the story that I can write and you can approve or not. I just mention that first to save all the dictation time, if you don't think it's appropriate. Actually, someone newly injured or a nurse may not only find it "helpful" but humorous at times ...I'll look for your replied tomorrow. Well, I thought you were a great writer but somebody is! Either way you're incredibly opened and honest and appreciated! I've had a good day-today ...have a great evening, Philly