Hello Susan, I've been seeing this guy for some time now and when we're together we really enjoy each other's company-talk for hours about anyrthing and play some board games, watch movies, etc, we also make out a lot (usually just kissing and touching). Well, last night I had him eat me out (he's been wanting to for a while now, I have given him head once before) Anyway, he went down on me-which was the first time I allowed him to, I was too nervous before thinking about what his expectations may be, etc, etc, and also the fact that I didn't want any other guy do that to me before but with him I wantded it all. I'm very interested in this man and he's interested in me as well so I wanted it and other things done to me too. It went great,I laid back and I was relaxed in no time and I really enjoyed it, he made me feel very comfortable and he fingered me some. I got really horny and asked him if he had a condom and he said he did and took it out, immediately his penis shrinked...he was so nervous, somewhat more nervous than I was and I'm a virgin but wanted to do it for the first time with him. He was too soft to really feel much, I played with it for a while and it got a little hard but he was small compared to before (7 inches when fully hard). He said he was nervous b/c he has not had sex in almost a year because he wanted to stay celibate until he met someone he was into and also because I'm a virgin so he wanted to make this 'good' for me so I wouldn't regret in anyway or feel rushed (which I didn't since I initiated it). So I tried to get it hard for a while, he rubbed the head of his penis on my clit and he unexpectedly put it in me-but it was really soft and also dry so no sperm could have entered (I think). He prob. got about an inch in or so and I decided to stop there and wait another time. Well my question is: Am I still a virgin? I'm suspecting the answer will be no since he did get his soft penis at the entrance. I'm seeing him again tonight in a few hours and I think I should just finish it where we left off b/c i'm thinking I'm not a virgin anymore :P and I don't want to be in denial about it. I want to make sure...Any inputs? Thanks so much!

There is no ONE definition of virgin. So in reality it is up to you. What do you think virgin means? Why does it matter?

Some people think it means when a penis has entered the vagina - then you are not a virgin.

Some people think it is when you have any genital to genital or oral to genital contact - then you are not a virgin.

Some people think it is when you no longer have a hymen - then you could be or could be not. You can tear your hymen from riding a boys bike or from having penetrative sex with an erect penis or from being fingered or using a sex toy.

So you need to answer that question yourself.

Susan

Ok thanks, that is true; there are way too many definitions but I think the real meaning of the word virgin is when he fully enters the vagina. My hymen is broken, that I know for sure...I have fallen off way too may bikes Ok, answering it myself I'd say-Yes, I am still a virgin since he was still too soft and was basically rubbing the head on my clit, but I already know I will continue tonight so No, I will not be lol. thanks!

Well I just lost my virginity a few minutes ago and I can't help myself for feeling regretful. I had sex at work in the "Mother's Room" - A roomo where mother's take a break if needed with their child during work. It was difficult to get it in and we kept trying the whole time, we had to pressure it in then it came out once we got comfotable and had to start all over again, it's b/c we were both nervous. I feel slutty. I just do even though I initiated it and wanted it but I wish it were a btetter setting, I wanted to wait for marriage but I'm 21 and I needed something. Athough it was fun I wish I could go back. I am regretting it and scared b/c his condom kept slipping down and he had to keep pushing it back up. I was so darn dry I got frusterated. I had to use lotion and was still dry. Well my first time was a mess. I joked about losing my virginity earlier but now it's not a joke anymore. I won't tell anyone about this, not even my close twin sister that I tell everything to. I feel ashamed although he is a terrific guy but I am still wondering 'what if' this and that, condom, questioning his feelings for me, etc. Anyway, just wanted to vent. I'm going to bed, sorry for this pointless post. bye.

I am really sorry. There is nothing I can say to make this better. I feel bad I didn't say more to you yesterday, but you seemed to be determined, so I think I thought there was nothing I could say to change your mind.

But this is what YOU can do. First forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. You acted irresponsibly having sex at work - but that is done and over. And now you know that sex isn't good if it is hurried. The next time will be better.

Second, there is no reason you can't decide now not to have sex again until it is the right time and the right place with the right person. If that is after you get married that is OK. If that is next week - that is OK too. You are in control of what you want to do.

Third, your sex life is private. No one needs to know you got off to such a rough start. No one needs to know you have had sex. If someone asks you if you are a virgin - you can say that is private - none of your business. Even if you get very serious with someone and you do not want to tell them - it is OK. It is your body and no one but you has the right to know what you have done with it unless you want to tell them.

And last, tell other young people here more about your experience and how you feel. Help someone else who was in the same shoes you were a few days ago make a good decision for themself.

I'm really so sorry,
Susan

Hello Susan, I'm feeling much better today. I was in a little shock last night :P I needed the sleep. Well, not much to tell them I guess. I do regret ever sleeping with him, I definitely SHOULD have waited; I am 21 and waited all this time while my friends lost their virginity since they were teenagers-13 and up and told me about it and pressured me to have sex too and I was strict and said NO. I just wish I was that strict last night with myself. I gave in too easily, actually I initiated it so that made things less complicated :P so I could have waited much longer. I did wait but only wished I waited longer until I found the 'right' guy. Him and I are still developing a relationship, I will admit that he's a great guy so that made me less guilty about my actions, nevertheless, there was no rush, I could have been patient and listened to my instincts instead of going with my hormones at the time. I suggest waiting instead of having sex when you know you're not ready. Even if you feel ready just wait. There is no rush and you will feel relaxed and know that it's ok b/c you and that guy share a mutual feeling. Sex is just sex if it isn't the right person to do it with, there's not much emotions. Anyway, I'm not going to continue sleeping with him or anyone else, I'll remain celibate until I am completely ready. I won't make another careless decision just b/c I had sex already-it doesn't mean I have to do it again when I'm not feeling like I should. Anyway, ust think before you permitt yourself to get in action. If that makes sense. Think before oyu do things, sex is a big responsibily. Thanks Susan for your help. I feel great, really. Ciao.

I'm glad you feel better today. And I hope your note helps someone think carefully about what they do before they do it. I'm glad you feel comfortably waiting and don't feel pressure to continue to have sex with your friend. Please continue to write - especially if you feel this pressure again.

Susan