A while back I quit no problem for months...but lately I've looked at alot of porn. I think I have a problem. I don't like this. Will it affect my relationship? I think it needs to stop.

Some guys look at a lot of porn. Some look at it once in awhile. Some guys never look at it. All of these guys sometimes have great relationships with their partners, others have just OK relationships, and some have horrible ones. Looking at porn is not going to make or break a relationship for MOST people. Some women hate porn and are OK with it as long as they don't have to see it. Others are not OK with it at all. Others don't care at all.

The fact that you think your looking at porn is a problem makes it a problem. So make the decision to quit and do it. If you really can't quit - then you do need counseling.

Susan

Billy... One thing you can do is start cutting down the time you look at porn. Remember, that it is a fantasy. Plan on when you will turn it off, watch the clock and limit yourself. You will find that it all looks the same after a while and you can find other things to do. If you should find a girl who likes looking at porn with you, it would be great. But, chances are you won't. Most girls don't go for it or like partners that look at it and it shatters their respect for you..and somehow they find out that your watching it even if you don't tell them..
Gregorio

"The fact that you think your looking at porn is a problem makes it a problem. So make the decision to quit and do it. If you really can't quit - then you do need counseling."

That right there is enough for me. I don't want counseling. It is a problem I can admit. Fortunatly it hasn't affected my relationship yet, so now I think would be a good time to quit. My girlfriend already said that if she dated someone who looked at porn, she would break up with them. Ouch. She doesn't and wont ever know. I'm stopping now.

why do woman make such a big deal about men lookin at porn? JEEZ

Billy...Gregorio understands.
In porn, the beautiful act of sex is exploited and commercialized. There is no love involved. There are multiple, uncaring partners, usually high on drugs. We know it is not safe for multiple partners today, no matter how many tests are taken. Some things are shown on there that are NOT DONE in real life...not by anyone who is sane or sober.
Many pictures shown are pieced together from several sessions. Photo tricks are used to dramatize. That means big flaws are brushed out and makeup covers others. Things shown are under ideal conditions by professional photographers. In short,it can be entertaining, but it is a fantasy.

Also, remember that every place you visit on your computer goes into cache, temporary internet or cookie files. Even google searches can be recorded. You may need to clean them. Do a search on cache , cookies or temporary internet and see. Clean and delete. When all is clean, do not go back.

It is VERY normal for a man to appreciate looking at a shapely woman as an incredibly gorgeous creature....because they are. This is a very normal attraction. This will never change as long as you are breathing. You will see very pretty girls at the beach, dances or wherever that will turn you on. You cannot avoid this. It is how you react and the control you have on yourself that makes the difference between a wolf who is obsessed and a normal man who can appreciate a beautiful girl. Your girl or wife will notice that you see these things and will make a remark. The best idea is to take it in casually and let it go to "keep the peace"..

Most women do not appreciate porn. Most women in a relationship feel that they would like to be the centerpiece. Porn could take away from this secure feeling. Maybe, it is better to have their man look at porn at the house than be looking at women out in society. If a man looks at porn and directs this energy into satisfying his s o, it's probably okay. If he masturbates to porn and his s o does not get the sexual attention she needs, then it's bad. So, I guess it depends on each situation. Looking at porn is an adult responsibilty with limits and boundries, kept in private. Once, it is not private anymore, troubles begin.
Gregorio

I seem to have always been attracted to men who like porn - so I'm used to it - but I don't like it.

I don't like it because porn is an unrealistic fantasy. I know I can never compare to porn. I know I cannot (nor ever could) do the things in porn. I know I have never nor will ever look like the women in porn. So when the men I have loved watch porn, get turned on, then want to be with me, I have to wonder - why? They can say all the right things like I don't care what they look like it is you I want. My thinking is if it is me you want than why aren't you looking at women who look similar to me or are doing things I can do? And also why aren't you asking to do it with me instead of watching it. I don't understand why I can be laying there reading a book in the bedroom waiting for him to come to bed (and have sex) and he is in the living room watching porn. It makes no sense to me what-so-ever.

And doing this site has lessened my tolerance for porn. I see far too many people who compare themselves to porn and are disappointed. I'm not as big, I can't shoot as far, I can't go as long-----none of which are realistically depicted in porn.

A good REALISTIC sex scene in a film - now that is a turn-on.
Susan

Sorry Susan....I do not think you are attracted to men that like porn....I believe that 95 % of all men like porn, but may not readily admit it. It would be interesting to have a anomymous porn poll and find out.


I think keeping a woman waiting for sex while watching porn is downright rude. The only purpose I can see for someone in a relationship to watch porn, is if watching porn enhances the sexual experience. In some cases, where a guy has erectile deficiency, it might benefit him to watch. However, if a guy masturbates to porn and then is not interested in having sex with his s o, then something is definitely wrong. Porn is only good if used in an adult manner where it doesn't hurt the relationship and "remains private to the watcher". Time and place important.

I agree - that only happened once - me waiting while he watched - and believe me it NEVER happened again!!!!!!!!

Somewhat off the initial topic here, but I think the whole "tone" of this conversation (with the exception of belinda) has gone a little sexist. Although I agree more men than women use pornography in general to heighten their sexuality, I have seen plenty of women (especially young) that are very enticed by porn. I've overheard a couple girls talking about X-rated videos, the penis size etc. I feel like we are all human and had different desires, male and female. I agree relationships should be based on love and experiencing the joy of sex together, but who's to say what is on a partner's mind (regardless of gender) during sex. You may have a companion who secretly watches pornography, then fantasizes about what they saw with you. Of course, honesty is best but if you're not monogamous or know your partner very well how do you really know for sure? This is just a comment-I do agree with most of you.

Thats why woman should except the fact that some men look at porn and just join em if you want. Its just easier. Some men become less interested if u keep initiciating porn. The more you try to keep it from em the more they want to see it. There like kids. I think woman need to stop being so sensitive and grow a damn back bone. Loosen up and enjoy it instead.

Belinda I had to laugh at your post. I've watched lots of porn and watching hasn't made me feel any more postive toward it. I think most of it is stupid and laughable. I can see the tricks they used to make things look different than they are - the edits that make things look longer than they are - the bits that are repeated over and over - the fake orgasms - the fake ejaculation. If guys didn't think they could duplicate watch they see - I might be mre OK with it - but I don't think I've ever known a guy who hasn't said - let's try....so my feeling about porn is - if you are going to watch it - watch it when I am not around - and don't tell me about it because I don't care to know.

Personally, I think guys watch porn because it "cuts to the chase" rather quickly and it appeals to Neanderthal instant response urges. Women are simply made differently. And there just isn't anything else available...not that I know of, anyway.

However.....

I'd say a rather good, but SHORT LOVE story,(similar to real life) that shows sensitive caring with GOOD acting and some minor "soft nudity" that has with a seductive and sexual bed scene WITHOUT showing all the intimate "squirt squirt details", would be way more meaningful, have more IMPACT and appeal emotionally to both. When love is involved, emotions get heightened and sex follows as it should.

This would be way better for a couple to watch before/ during foreplay/during sex. No one wants to see a long movie during this time...I'd say twenty minutes to a half hour would be perfect. It would appeal to a man and woman emotionally and bond them together instead of separating them.... where both might say, "Wow, that was really a good story." And look forward to the next short movie next time.There could be 3 or 4 movies to a tape. This would be perfect especially for a woman who needs time to be aroused and for a man that needs to slow down, and help with foreplay. (We experienced a similar type movie years ago at the drive-in and I have never forgotten it.) Pornos do not even come CLOSE. Wouldn't this be way better than porn? Seems more logical to me. For those that are trying to get their s o more interested in sex, this would be a better choice.

Everyone post here with your comments and ideas and let me know what you think.

I think it's an individual choice thing. I get a kick out of Susan's posting, I think most mature women (and men) feel that way. If you look at such movies on the surface they certainly are repetitive if not downright foolish (in some cases). But being male or female doesn't necessarily stereotype the issue in my opinion. I think it's whatever floats your boat. I think most people make way too much out of it-if its not for you fine, otherwise fine too. live and let live!

You and I look at it in an adult manner.

But the trouble is: There are many people/ teenagers watching porn that feel that this is the way the world is and how a relationship or sexual encounter should be; that most people in this world are promiscuous; that it is okay to have multple partners and that sleeping with many people is okay; that a guy or girl should shoot their load two feet or somethings wrong; that all girls and guys like oral sex; that you can go out in society and do all these things and thats is perceived to be absolutely normal....and if you watch film after film, it could affect you that way or maybe you get terribly bored with it all...cause there are no longer any surprizes that you haven't seen before.
For a teenager watching, porn makes a permanent impression on them that may affect them the rest of their life.

Pornography was tough enough for me to deal with when I was younger. Now of course just about anything goes (friends with benefits, mutual partners, circle jerks and all kinds of other things I don't even know what are! I don't envey any of the younger generation for sure! I have a few teenage girls in my life, and it's like some of them have to dress and act enough to get you off just looking at them-which of course I refrain from even looking as much as possible-that's not right by me. Not that peer pressure was beyond any of us, but I think it's a real domino effect to see who can be the most kinky or something. A couple 18-20-year-olds have told me I'm not with the times of course. I've been told nipple & vagina rings are commonplace and some of them are so proud they tell you or even want to show you ...pretty scary to me! So having said this, and getting back to the topic: I guess watching a little pornography either together as a couple, or alone isn't all that bad eh? Haha, good luck to the Next Generation if they make it there. Thanks for the feedback ...take care

I guess each generation worries about the succeeding generation and how they will handle life. Somehow, they survive. And maybe we are just a tiny bit jealous.
When I was a kid, sex wasn't to be discussed. So...I was pretty much on my own. Masturbation was a no no. Today, it is RECOMMENDED as opposed to sex, and for improved health. The idea today is to do it if you want and then forget about it. Back then, if you had sex with a girl, be prepared to marry her. Now all forms of sex are going on and nobody thinks anything of it. The youngsters today are not aware of sexual diseases including HIV or even Herpes. They feel that they are invincible and indestructible.

So, with porno, it needs to be watched responsibly and kept in private. Circle jerks...we had them. Nude pictures of girls...I had plenty. We used to attend an x-rated drive-in...but as adults. But, for day to day sex aid for serious couples, I still recommend a softer nudity, but I guess that's not going to happen soon.

Fortunately, a search on the internet gets a person to a place like this where just about anything can be discussed. So... cheers to Susan for a job well done and for helping supply up-to-date information for those who are uninformed or confused. Lets hope they come here first before they destroy their lives.

Thanks for coming back.

We are a lot alike because I truly feel the same with just about everything you've written. Regarding me having sex with anyone, that's out of the picture for me. I'm happily divorced and certainly not looking. Not to mention I am a quadriplegic & this would be a pretty tall order to fill even if I want to. Susan is absolutely wonderful to have this site. I looked forever for someone to discuss my issues with and happened to stumble across it a couple months ago ...take good care, Philly

Philly, There are people who would enjoy getting to know you and one of them might even fall in love with you if you gave them half the chance. What are you doing socially where you might meet people socially you don't already know?
Susan

I really can't get out of the house much. I have a van but cannot drive it. I have no doubt except for little insecurity that I could have a relationship, one of my caregivers apparently wanted one or at least a "encounter" but I wasn't interested. They tell me I'm still somewhat attractive even though disabled-I'm just beyond that ...any serious relationship that is

Philly, Don't blame your disability for not having a relationship - sounds to me as if you just said it was your choice not to have one. Susan