I am a 16-year-old girl who has never had a boyfriend. I have absolutely no interest in any of the boys I know. The problem is not my sex drive--I often find myself attracted to men, but the boys at school just seem too immature for me, and I can't picture myself with an older man... gross. I know for a fact that I would refuse to put out for any of the boys I know even if we were in a relationship, not because I am afraid of pregnancy or diseases, but because I find the idea of myself with any of them utterly repulsive and would not enjoy it at all. Do I need to lower my standards, or is this normal?

Do you masterbate, have orgasms on your own? Just because so many young people are into the "couple" thing right now, dosen't make anything wrong with you. It sounds to me that part of your "taste" has already matured from boys to men, and when the rest of your mind catches up with your body, they will no longer repulse you. Some people, boys and girls, NEVER date through school until college or even later! Don't sell yourself short by "settle-ing" for someone that isn't 100% appealing to you.

Hi,
Actually, I think you appear to be quite normal and approach the male/female dating scene from a logical, mature standpoint.
You do not want to do all the things the other girls and boys are doing sexually because none of it makes sense to you...and a lot of it isn't safe, clean or healthy. You do not want to have sex because you are PRESSURED and it is a status symbol....you will want to do it when the time is right for the right reasons..you want to be in love. Congratulations... you think much like I do. As I said before, sex is the icing on the cake...you got to make the cake first. That is just my opinion.
One reason you feel that boys your age are immature is because THEY ARE. Girls mature much faster than men. At some age, boys catch up, but I guess each one is unique.
But, you might want to casually date with a boy you consider a friend.... a study buddy. Right now, you are afraid to be friends for what is expected of you sexually. I'd say, if a guy wants that right away, he is positively wrong for you.
We here at Susans Sex Support wish you good luck finding that one person who respects your ideals...you are one very special girl and Gregorio is so very proud of you. There should be more like you.
Gregorio Pedrini

Yes, I am perfectly capable of fantasizing on my own. Unfortunately I'm such a dork most of the men tend to be anime characters... but I'm okay with that for now...

I've seen some rather plain, unattractive girls in high school that really blossomed as time went on. Sometimes, things fit better as time goes on...it could merely be a weight problem (too much or too little) that is easily solved. Or need for braces. Hairstyle. Contacts. Or whatever.
At a recent reunion, one former neighbor came up to me. I asked myself, "Why did I never date her? Am I nuts?" What a gorgeous, sweet woman...so pretty. I call her husband "very lucky".

Whatever works for you, for now! Mine was the "Captain America" comic books-LOL! Love those paper muscles!!

Hey, I was 20 before I got my first boyfriend.
All through high school I wasn't particularly interested in boys, I mean I wasn't UN-interested, I just had no opinion either way.. though I did sometimes fantasize about being rescued by Terry (Batman of the Future), lol.

We all develope at different rates. Some of us just take that little bit longer to figure out what it is we want and there is nothing wrong with that

Peer pressure, false expectations, and way too often just lose your virginity is all that's about. I rather hear you say you get off on homer Simpson then put yourself in any position you are uncomfortable with! Probably it's a simple as you maturing hormonally, but not wanting to pop the bunch of immature Dubs at your school. But feeling your youth you don't want to be with someone older. I agree with the previous stating, this is pretty normal thoughts and behavior for a lot of teenagers especially nowadays (you just don't know the others little fantasies) ...if you are asexual, straight, bisexual, or a nun give yourself a chance to find it ...for you and no one else ...just as I am working on- it's always good to have no regrets & you have the opportunity to get it right the first time!

At age 16 you shouldn't be worrying about sex. Don't 'put out' for anyone. You're simply not ready. COncentrate on school. If you have sex now with these so called boys in your school rumors will esclade. Having sex with a 'man' will only lead you to feel insecure. Have self-respect and be ahppy with no sex like I was @ age 16

My fantasy was to be with the Man of Steel aka Superman (the older version) lol. Anyway, my first b/f was @ 16 but I dumped ghim after 2 weeks b/c one day he called and said that I 'wasn't taking care of him." Meaning, I haven't put out yet. So yea, that turned me off and I broke it off immediately. Them my 'real' b/f was at 21, he's a great guy and I'm happy he was the one I lost my virginity to. No rush I've always been attracted to older men.

Chill out guys, I wasn't planning on having sex! It's a good way to ruin your life at 16 and I have plans for the future that don't include syphilis or an unwanted baby. Glad to hear this is normal though.

Point is when you are ready to have sex, it should be safely and for the right reasons and with a degree of responsibility; reasons that you both are comfortable with..... and you are right....casual sex today is way too risky. Sex....not because your friends do, or boyfriends do...because it's right for you. The right boy will respect your wishes.

You asked the question & this is great feedback! I guess the answer you want to hear is masturbate, masturbate, masturbate ...it is okay!

Philly...I'm going to go out on a limb and question you on your last post....the one that says masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. While I certainly feel it is okay for her to masturbate if she so desires, girls her age usually do not do it with the frequency that guys do. Guys are under lots of liquid pressure from various forms of visual stimulation and have a need for occasional release as they peak out in their twenties and a long while after. Basically,girls peak nearer to 30...so at 16, it would not be necessary to masturbate so often. So at 16, I believe your advice is not prudent or applicable. Check masturbation polls for yourself.


She simply hasn't met a guy with the degree of maturity that suits her, and one that can respect her ideals and values concerning sex.
I don't think carte'blanche on masturbation is the answer for which she is looking. But, that is just my "Little" Gregorio opinion.

Really that was unwarranted ...I've had a tough day with my own "little issues"-very bad. Maybe I just thought she wasn't finding what she is looking for (like me) and answered out of line ...on the other hand: she's not hurting anyone that way (herself or pregnancies or anything else mentioned within) got to go-I am really having a rough one-sorry for any bad suggestions-Philly

Actually I am between Gregorio and Philly in my thinking. Yes girls are unlikely to masturbate as much as guys do - but that is partly societal pressure to be good girls and good girls don't.

So both of you guys keep postingwhat you think - it's all good....

That's what a forum is all about...we all see things from a different point of view. Posters should feel free to challenge any of us about the information given. There may be many answers to a problem. All might work. None might work. Sometimes we are not given all the details. I try to use common sense in solving problems. I try to put myself in the shoes of the person who is posting; to try to understand exactly what they are experiencing and be sensitive to their needs.
So,in conclusion, if some of my statements have offended anyone, it may be simply that I'm wrong. And, if this is the case, you get an apology.

Philly..I'm aware that you have ongoing health issues. I wish I could help you more. I enjoy your posts because they really say something and are usually well thought out.
Gregorio

Don't apologize to me (I'm quite sure Susan would agree) ...I apologized a couple times and I guess it really wasn't necessary. If it's something that isn't supposed to be "posted" I'm sure they would stop it

regarding my health issues etc. ... I don't think either one of our "situations" is enviable by anyone. Thanks for being so sharing-I certainly understand your position too. I've got to run (so to speak) hardly slept the last couple nights. I feel bad for the original poster of this message, we've gotten carried away here-probably should start a new threat for a new topic (although nothing more to say)

Later, Philly

I am 16, and a boy, and in a similar situation. I find Girls around me attractive but I am one of the smartest people in my school. I think very far ahead. All their relationships are fake. They are like playing 'Mums and Dads / Moms and Dads' because they feel they should. It all either revolves only around sex or just is a sham. They always break up in less than 3 montsh at msot. Thats the longest a relationship in my school has lasted except two people who have been genuinly in love for 2-3 years.

The thing is 90% of boys in my school don't want to be in a immature fake relationship. The other 10% have either slept with or been out with 70-80% of the firls in my school.

It really annoys me as they have actually genuinely hurt some boys who have loved them secretly for years. One of my friends also. Who had a long relationship while I found out the girl was 'bored' with him after a week. It really pisses me off how cruel they can be.

rant over

Around the age of sixteen is way too young to be serious with anyone. Your taste will change several times before, and maybe even after, you become an adult. And if you are thinking of having sex, you better be prepared to take responsibilty for your actions. Sex is very serious. It's way too early to be thinking about pregnancy or babies. Sex acts are okay for some, but certainly not for you.
Masturbation is far safer (with some kind of control ....in other words come up for air sometime), and there are no strings, however it is something you want to do only when you don't have urgent projects that must be completed first.
The best idea is just be friends with several students you like, but do not become serious with any one until you have their full trust which could take quite a while.
'Cause if you have sex without trust, you got absolutely NOTHING!