Hi Susan,

I dont really know what else to do so I'm going to ask you since it seems beyond me what I could do. I have been with my boyfriend Jake for three years. He is my best friend, my lover, and the one whom I trust my life with. For the last three months I have seemed to have lost the desire to have sex, and am not turned on at all. I’m only 19 and I’m trying to see why this could be. Our relationship is still the same, it isn’t rocky infact its wonderful. We have our fights here and there but all in all we’re doing great. I’m feeling so upset by the fact that I’ve lost interest in his body..and whats even more upsetting is that I don’t even feel the need to masturbate. I havn’t even felt horny in the last three months. Jake has been wonderful and is extremely respectful and tries to understand what I’m going through. I have not been pressured into sex but even when we are kissing it just seems like something wet. Even that doesn’t turn me on. I had thought to myself maybe I’m no longer physically attracted to him, but then why is that I can't even masturbate alone? I don’t know what this is all about, and I’m just feeling incredibly upset. Susan would you know anything about this?


Thank you so much.

Serena,
You need to print off your email to me and take it to a gynecologist or a general practitioner. You could be clinically depressed. Or you could have a hormone inbalance. From what you said I think it is likely you have something happening to you that needs some medical attention.

The sooner you see a doctor, the better you will feel.
Susan

Susan, could Serena have become an assexual and is simply no longer interested in sex?

People don't become asexual. If she used to enjoy sex and doesn't now - she could again with some medical attention or possibly, but less likely counseling.

Thank you, I'll be doing that soon. I really appreciate your help. I don't know if I'm depressed, I'm actually very positive and greatful for all I've been given in my life (I hope that doesnt sound like denial), but I'll definetly go to my doctor.

You can be positive and grateful and still be depressed. People who are depressed don't always act depressed in every area of their life. There is very mild depression and then there are other more severe depressions.

When I went through the worst depression of my life I was going to college on an accelerated program. No one but my best friend knew how depressed I was. I was near suicide more than once. But each day I went to classes and put my all into them and everyone thought I was some sort of superwoman. A part of me knew I had a good life and everything going for me - but another part felt like my world had collapsed and nothing would ever be good again.

My depression wasn't clinical - it was circumstantial - so as they say time healed my wounds. But some depression is caused by some change in your body - a hormone level change can make you disinterested in sex. It might not have any other effect - or you might think the other things happening aren't related but they are - examples MIGHT be your hair is getting thinner, your acne is getting worse, your periods are lighter, you are losing or gaining weight, your fingernails keep breaking.

If you are depressed in this way for a long time - your "sexual" depression might lead to being depressed in other areas of your life too.

See a doctor as soon as you can. Be honest. Be assertive if need be to be sure you get the help you need.

Susan

Susan....you are a SUPERWOMAN! You have taken depression and turned it into hope; you took a boy who has problems that many people would just not involve themselves with and made a man out of him; you have created a popular, informative website that is fantastic; you have given people who suffered from Katrina support and understanding; you have the gift of love of your boyfriend; you are such a help to so many people and now you have me for an online friend. I'm proud that you give my relationship respect, privacy and distance. I honor yours also. No one here can respect you more than I: I see the things that you have done and know that you are involved in so many ongoing projects. You have gone from tragedy and hopelessness to unbelievable power and strength. And this strength is contagious and is passed on to others. You are becoming famous. Susan, you are more than just a woman: you are an incredible human being and truly a SUPERWOMAN !

Gregorio

I have never looked at Depression the way you put it. In fact the image in my mind of depression is sitting in a corner of a room too upset to face the world around them. I'm sure this is such a badly interpreted version of it, but I've never really thought about it. I'm going through much in my life right now and I look at it as something I must overcome or it will drown me out. I've had a series of unfortunate things plague my life for some time and I think I might be becoming overwhelmed. I'm trying so hard to see the positive but sometimes I forget thats the only way I'll get through it all. Maybe its whats going on in my life that has caused this, but I just wanted to touch upon the "hormonal imbalance". I've been thinking about what you said, and I wanted to let you know that I'm on birth control right now. I'm taking OrthoTricyclen-Lo and I was wondering if it may be the reason for how I'm acting. When I had first started taking it I was extremely restless and wanted sex all the time. But now I want nothing at all. Could this drug have causes my hormones to tip over once again? Accept this time completely taking away my need for sex? I'm fairly new to this contraception actually...I've taken it only for about 5 months now. I'm going to do some research on it after this post.


Either way I am feeling that it is a mix of everything in my life and this hormonal imbalance that could be causing all of this. But I'm not making any firm statements until I see my doctor.


Thank you once again

So have you and Susan finally met Gregorio?

Serena you describe depression exactly. I am sure you are depressed. Why, I don't know. But if you started a new birth control pill 5 months ago and 3 months ago you lost interest in sex - BINGO. The first month you are on a new medication if it is going to cause depression - not much is likely to happen. The second month the depression would start, but you could still fight it. The third month you would be overwhelmed.

See your doctor.!

Thank you my dear sweet Gregorio - your words touch me more than you can imagine.

Clay, no we have still not met face-to-face. Only in my dreams.

Clay...there is only one rule here I stress and that is that I remain "unknown".
I will keep my promise to my wife as long as we both shall live.I believe that once you make that final choice, stick with it. I have turned down many advances by women...and some of these are/were absolute knock outs...I mean drop dead gorgeous. Why? I don't know...I ain't that pretty. Anyway, I do NOT play around. Never did and never will. I don't believe in sneaking around. It gets you nowhere.
Anything here that has sounded romantic has been "kidding" and nothing else. Susan is well aware of my position, respects and honors it..
Thus, I NEVER will have any other romances, in real life or on line. I do have many personal female friends, but they are friends and NEVER anything more..
There is NO romantic attachment between Susan and I; it is simply just well deserved respect that she has earned. And someone needs to tell her. Don't you think she deserves it?
For me, I offer some words here and there to maybe help out...I ask for very little in return. She lets me know when I get out of line as she does you or when I'm wrong about something.

I think you misinterpreted me a little Gregorio. I was just wondering if you and Susan had met up in the time that I was away from the forum. I wasn't implying that there was anything romantic going on between you two. You have made it clear in the past that you and Susan are just friends (and I respect that).

I know it would be such an honor to shake hands with a legend.. Maybe someday.