It's me again. After handling every aspect of my disability except for the retrograde ejaculation that I feel inside, but not physically (for new readers) ...I have pretty much determined I have a serious addiction to pornography that has triggered everything. I've tried to deny it, avoid it, prey etc. but I cannot shake the perversion feeling of either myself excessively orgasming or bringing a woman there. Too much time alone thinking about my past wanting so badly to come physically as well. For Susan and others thanks so much for your help, but I need to think about this differently now. I just need to find a new approachto my problems (and it starts with God for me anyways)I just wanted you to know that I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I hope you are all well ...

Philly,

I am so glad to hear from you.

There are ways to help you break your addiction to porn. Going cold turkey is difficult and may not be necessary.

So limit the amount of time you spend with porn. Decide on a schedule. 1 hour and one half hour a day. In two weeks go to 1 hours and 15 minutes. In two weeks 1 hour. Or something like that.

Also ban yourself from certain sites. Go visit a site one last time - then block yourself isp from it.


If you want to skip all porn sites - and even adult sites - then install a nanny program that will prevent you from going to them. Make a passsword that is really hard to remember and don't write it down.

Susan

Hi Philly,
Bad habits are hard to drop because whenever you are idle,and you flip on the puter, the temptation exists. So, maybe you won't entirely lose it like Susan says, but maybe it's time to find something else to do, a hobby, that takes your mind off of porn. After a while, you will just rather work with your new hobby...cause porn wears itself out after a while..cause it's all the same and there is not much new that you can see. Put your mind to it so at least you limit it to a "safer" level.


Gregorio

Honestly I do not entertain pornography at all (online or otherwise) it actually makes me sick. It's apparently etched in my memory from childhood hangups. I probably jumped the gun when writing this because once again-I am fine now. But what is done is done. Sometimes I think just "talking" intensifies things horribly and I'm not doing myself any good at all by these postings. It's a behavioral issue but totally in my head and one way or another the retrograde ejaculation (and acceptance/denial) plays a big part. I'm just going nuts feeling orgasm at least in part but not getting off physically. I don't expect anyone to understand this either. I guess we are all different. You have all been so helpful, but every now and then I am right back to ground zero.. It does help (I guess) admitting I have a problem (at least now and then) and that's really all I can say.

A little pornography is ok Philly, just as long as you don't let it consume your daily life. I watch some from time to time and it helps me to reach orgasm much quicker. Most guys watch some pornography.

I think Philly is saying that the porn is in his mind. He isn't actually viewing it - he is imagining it.

Philly,
You're telling us that you imagine naked people having sex and sexual acts? And you imagine having an erection, then imagine the orgasm (s) just thinking about sex? And perhaps feel the actual orgasm in your head? I guess every red-blooded man is guilty of doing this including myself just about every day. Sometimes very intensely.
I think imagination is just part of our intelligence. It is how we create things; how we are different from lower animals. It is truly a gift.
However,in your case, you feel your imagination is out of control at times. And it takes over when you don't want it to. You spend time thinking about your past sexual addiction. And it upsets you because you cannot control it. If so, I can understand how this might disturb you. It would be very similar to a boy/man who masturbates in his sleep, but doesn't really want to and NEVER would when he is awake. He then wakes up, sometimes in the middle of the night wondering if he did or not and feels guilty about it all day. Each day he tries to control it, but this happens over and over and it torments him. Kinda similar Philly?
The only thing I can say is try to limit thinking about sex and thinking about yourself and all your problems. Start concentrating on helping others....what you can do to help others. Since you come on here, try to solve some of the problems we have. Try thinking more positively about life and what it has to offer. I think you can help US.

We are here to support you in all you do. Come back here often, and even if we don't understand your exact problem, we will try. Know that you have found online friends with which you can talk with and joke with. I love your humor. And you are quite intelligent. And a good writer. Sometimes having good friends that try to understand is all you need to get thru each day. What do you think?
Gregorio

Definitely! That is what life is all about ...thank you for putting it so bluntly to me. I refuse to to continue excessively beating a dead horse (from before), but really no one has hit on the head what I am experiencing and I guess that's the biggest frustration (same old story). Still, having someone to talk with (at times) is awesome! One issue is if it's helpful or not for me. Talking about it (regardless of anonymous) seems to intensify sometimes. Oh well-live and learn. The "new" recent reply is a little off base and I don't think the person knows I am paralyzed. And Susan I suppose addiction is addiction real or imagined (acting upon the addiction or thinking about it) ...remember we discussed pornography addiction syndrome before (the woman who orgasms excessively)? That was me before and in my head (sometimes) now ...as I'm sure you know by now ...greg, thanks for the complements and encouragement! I like your writing and opinions as well.

God bless all & don't worry about me ...Philly

I think the term 'addiction' is not being used properly here. 'Sex-addiction' is really sexual compulsion, just as gambling-addiction is really compulsive gambling behaviour. True addictions are like drugs, smoking or alcohol where the body is chemically dependent on something.

Addiction is something that controls you rather then you control it.

It does/can consume me ... I have been addicted to painkillers before and it is very much the same (sometimes). Clay...Susan is absolutely right, but thankfully it is not 24/7. So I am borderline addicted, but what everyone is missing here is that I simply need to join the human race (so to speak) and accept this phantom orgasms/retrograde ejaculation (or whatever) as normal and really feel that way ...because I don't all the time (when it happens). Greg I am getting erections and coming on the inside (into my bladder) dealing with it (in my mind) etc. brings me back to feelings of perversion, humiliation etc. I've had so many people tease/laugh/embarrass/etc. ME that I've intentionally embarrassed myself (behaviorism-giving in) because being forced into this position (disabled) ...just a really big mind game (and like I said very thankful it's not constant) just now and then & totally unexpected/uncontrollable ...

I'm finally realizing just how this has affected me, by reading my own words (acceptance). I do feel a lot better now! and have found turning it over to the Lord (and not solely man) is the best way for me by far (do not expect anyone understand this fully anymore) but it works for me! Thanks again everyone for trying to help (you have)! ...Philly