you see... I am single, and I do not want to have a relationship, and I have this dilhemma.

I am a really sensual person, more so than I should be in this stage of my life. It is really bad for me. I want to know how I can calm my cravings for intimacy so that I can stay focused on my life.

and I'm not looking for an answer like, monte, sexuality is normal, and you should masturbate to ease the pressure. but the fact of the matter is, I don't like to masturbate, it's very dissatisfying. I want to set my sexuality aside until I can find a wife.

Please if there is anyone out there who knows something I can do that is healthy, and won't cause dammage to me, but will provide relief, please tell me so I can stop wearing out my penile tissues. (and no I don't want lubricants...) please help, (and no I don't want a partner)

-Monte

Sorry Monte, you are stuck with your cravings. I went through a similar period in my life where I wished my libido could just be shut off.

Have you considered not having a relationship, but just having casual sex responsibly? Or taking the time to learn how to masturbate so you do enjoy it? Or try using lubrication which may be all you need to make masturbation enjoyable?

Your hormones that cause your sexual feelings are also what cause you to want to get up in the morning and accomplish things. They are what keep your body clock on a rhythym. You mess with sexual libido and you will mess with how you function in all aspects of your everyday life - there is nothing you can do that will impact ONLY your sex drive.

Sorry susan...there is one thing you overlooked and it is EXACTLY what Monte needs if he is against masturbation or it leaves him frustrated..
Monte...
Prostate massage...no masturbation involved. The trick is to find a semi-professional/ doctor/ person that can do it right...(I doubt if Monte can do it himself with a prostate massager...but he may get lucky...he needs to know where the points are to massage and to feel them empty) If this is not done correctly, you end up feeling miserable. A doctor can tell by feel.
How it goes....
This person will put on a glove and put lube on and then reach up your butt massage your prostate until it empties...either out your penis or into your bladder. He then massages each seminal vesicle till they empty into your prostate. He then massages your prostate again until it's empty again.
It gives you tremendous relief for three days/ week or so....and no pain or weird after effects. And all pressure is GONE. A wonderful experience. And you go about your life normally after. I know this works well.

It is even possible that this is covered under insurance....so make some calls.
Gregorio

Gregorio,

Good thoughts - but my guess is Monte will have to pay for this out of pocket unless he can find a medical reason for it. And as you said it is only a short-term fix and Monte sounds as if he wants something long term. But you could be right on the money!

Susan

Susan...I got to thinking about this and I believe that you can help Monte out possibly in a private talk with him and outline your thoughts on male masturbation which are incredibly logical. It sounds like he has negative issues on masturbation because of upbringing, religion, or other that interfere with full enjoyment/ relief. You are the one person on the planet that he can talk with that can turn this all around. You have done enough research and had enough experience to give him certain clues and he will be so enlightened. So, don't let this one slide out of your grasp...the prostate massage might be too much for his wallet. Just changing the way he THINKS about masturbation will help him out. Masturbation, done right, is free, pleasurable and satisfying. Give him your thoughts about length of masturbating session, having a PRIVATE moment, technique on head, frequency of masturbation, and your mental thoughts afterward....it makes all the difference in the world. So, go to it and do your thing....I have so much confidence in you. He will be SO glad he came here. You turned my life around...you are unbelievable...maybe you can turn around his. It's worth a try.
xxx So many thanks,
Gregorio

Monte,

What is it about masturbating you don't like? What is it about it that you find disatisfying?
Why do you think most people masturbate?

Susan

I agree with Gregorio. Monte seems like he is against masturbation, due to his religious beliefs or upbringing. Are you by any chance a Catholic Monte? I think the prostate massage might be a good way of relieving pressure without masturbating for him. I do it to myself sometimes after playing with a dildo for a while, and it feels cool.

Monte How old are you ? how will getting sexually active with some one stop you from getting on with your life.
you mentioned wanting a wife at some point .
what is your disability? is your unhappiness with masterbation based in religon or oppertunity. you got me curious.I got a muscle massager and when I need it takes like 2 minutes .if not then I dont need it yet.

Of course Monte...you originally wrote:
....and I'm not looking for an answer like, monte, sexuality is normal, and you should masturbate to ease the pressure. but the fact of the matter is, I don't like to masturbate, it's very dissatisfying. I want to set my sexuality aside until I can find a wife.

Which, of course, we all read this and we ALL chose to OVERLOOK those words, simply because there is NO OTHER reasonable answer other than...... PROSTATE MASSAGE. Going without sex or masturbation can be extremely uncomfortable and frustrating. Just trying to "set it aside" is not going to work, easily. There has got to be lots of other guys that feel the same as you for whatever reason, moral, physical or religious....if that makes you feel any better.

The least expensive way....

..... if you can find just one other person in your area with similar needs for prostate massage, maybe you can help each other out in a strictly clinical, NON-SEXUAL, strictly on a need, no emotion or attachment basis.... in the interim. Remember, with normal PROSTATE MASSAGE, there is no orgasm, just a feeling of relief.

I don't think it is possible to have a orgasm with another human being and not have some thing occur on am emotional level. Even professional sex workers say they
dont want release because of this.
It is possible to sublimate the sex drive many spiritual
groups do this and channel that energy to other uses.
any way monte got us talkin is he still out there?
btw I only know a few people who work with sex I get most of my thinkin on this from reading.If I lived closer to civilization I would partake of that type of service.

Ejaculation is a physical release and you don't need as emotional connection to another person to have an ejaculation - nor to get an erection of your penis or your clitoris.

There are many people who enjoy recreational sex - more men than women - and they can orgasm without any emotional connection.

But most women and a lot of men need to feel loved in order to have really good quality sex including orgasm.

We may have repelled Monte with our ideas...but this is reality...what can I say.

We sometimes are brought up to feel masturbation is bad...in some religions, families and cultures, it is thought that it is not good; that it can do bad things to your body; can adversely affect our lives; can affect the ability to reproduce etc. We, educated people, know that none of this is true and that masturbation is the SAFEST form of sex done at reasonable levels...especially today with a huge variety of diseases to catch. But still...... if a person is brought up in this environment, he or she may think evil or guilty thoughts every time they masturbate. It is extremely difficult to think otherwise for this person after years of "brain washing". For those, masturbation can still be a very necessary need... so they become tormented/ nervous after they masturbate and have a shadow of guilt hanging over them that is difficult to remove. They may even feel pain, discomfort or even sickness. They may feel people can tell they masturbated just by looking at them.

But Susan... you proved a point...it is possible to masturbate/ orgasm/ and then almost completely remove that experience from our minds simply by reprogramming our thoughts. Reprogramming our minds gives a positive outlook in life. Do it ...and simply forget it.It works.

Most of us want love and comfort of another human being, but for those that are simply not ready for this, masturbation fills the void very well.

It's actually quite hilarious how many people think masturbation is evil and some people even think that it leads to blindness. I am a member of a spiritual forum and whenever the subject of masturbation comes up, I'm always surprised to see how many people are opposed to it.

the ironic fact is....that many people in parts of society, who you think would be a little stuffy and would lead you to think that they are above this, are the ones who are rumored to be seen at places like strip joints, porn movies and nude bars massaging the Johnson under newspapers...like lawyers, Doctors, Dentists, Bank Presidents etc. If 95% of men masturbate...that means 95 out of 100, or 950 out of 1000, are/ or have done it sometime in their lifetime. Clergy too. Those are pretty strong averages. If Monte isn't into this, it's perfectly fine, but that means it's up to you and me, and everyone else here to exercise our perogative and keep the numbers real! Not discussing it or facing reality doesn't change the facts.
Gregorio

My brother told me there were two kinds of people .those who masterbate and those that lie about it.I am glad I had older syblings to help me .