my boyfriend takes forever to have an orgasmn.. what causes that and what can i do to help him go faster..i know usually women complain that they come too fast.. lol but he is impotent too and likes to be done by hand.. and or orally but i get so tired.. sometimes its like 20 to 30 min to cum.. someone please help.. any suggestions?
thanks

Sorry, but some men are just like that. Guys are all different and some just have a really hard time having an orgasm from vaginal sex OR by hand jobs OR by oral sex. Learn what he likes and why he likes it. Then try to figure out how to do more of it.

20 minutes is not so unusual.

Thanks Susan.. well its more like longer.. Im guessing but now after I think about it.. it is longer then that.. one night it was almost an hour..
i have tried to see and pay attention to what helps and we can discuss it but.. he apologizes for taking so long.. he says he ges almost there then he cant or when he does..after .. hes totally exhausted himself?

You need to relax about this. The pressure could be making it even harder.

Hope this helps.....sex should be enjoyable... not a second job!
If he masturbates moderately...that could be one reason. Low semen quantity. Also a man gets used to how he masturbates, and it is difficult for a woman to touch those exact areas. One hint is for him to excite himself nearly to that point and then you take over. You could say something like, "I'd like to see how you masturbate...it really excites me." (Watching him may give you clues on just where to touch and for how long.)You can say, "Then I'll finish you off." You may only have to do this once.

Sometimes a very slow hand job to begin with is even more exciting. When too many sensitive areas are involved, like in a fast hand job, it could make him tense up instead of relaxing. Being tense is bad and tiring for both of you. In oral sex, it's also possible to hit these areas too much and really tense him up. The harder you try, the worse it gets. In this case, a pleasant edible lube can help.(more on this)

I do not know if you meant "impotent" or "important"....IF he is borderline impotent, he could try "Libido-max" or "Power v" from Walgreens or CVS. Give it about an hour. That should perk him up. Not too much now. However, if he can easily masturbate, he is not impotent and probably doesn't need it..

Also, too much alcohol, if any, can slow him down. A small glass of wine is okay. Smoking is an erection killer also....especially over time.


Another thing, have him take a pee break before you start and after 1/2 hour of getting nowhere. The break will help him to relax.

Also extremely important , but seldom addressed,is the "heat" factor. A penis, if overheated, cannot perform at all...no matter how hard one tries.
It can be heat from a hot room, but mostly from a mouth or vagina. Low semen quantity doesn't help. The hardest penis can go soft or semi-soft from heat. The feelings start, but quickly vanish. A quick trip to the bathroom and sponging with a cold wash cloth can bring things back.


Lastly, USE A GOOD LUBRICATION.(I can't stress that enough.) Especially, with a hand job....it gets dry and sore from friction. And it can be on the borderline between pleasure and pain. A lube helps smooth over that will help give him much more pleasure.I'd bet that lube REALLY makes a difference....it can be the difference between 5 minute orgasm or taking an hour or longer. It allows you to touch those oh-so sensitive areas with more success.

Above all...please let us know if we helped. Gregorio

It sounds also as if you are invested in the idea that he ejaculates. Ejaculation is not the point of having sex. Orgasm is. Orgasm is about pleasure. When you have a lot of pleasure you orgasm. You can orgasm and not ejaculate. And men, especially as they get older do not always ejaculate, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good.

Sex should feel wonderful every minute you do it.

A week or so ago my lover had gotten really tired and needed a break from what he was doing. I wasn't ready to be done. So I asked him your fingers? my fingers? or a Hitachi (magic wand)? He made the choice. We both continued to enjoy having sex, but differently. Maybe you need to think about doing different things and not just doing one thing.

But most importantly relax. Ejaculation is not a touchdown goal. Pleasure is.

Susan...you are 100% correct. All the time she is giving him oral or a handjob, I'll guarantee it feels real good..... and better and better with each throbbing moment. In fact, sometimes it is actually disappointing or a big letdown to ejaculate cause then you know that particular session is over till the next go around. So, Susan is right....not to make ejaculation your goal, but to simply bring pleasure. I agree great foreplay is where it's at. For a man, even a simple handjob, when stretched over a long period of time, is one of the best experiences he will ever have...even if he doesn't ejaculate or ejaculates a very small amount.

glad to see some one else experienced this .I have had to pretend to orgasm more than I want to recall .not
with my wife but later in life. having goals and having sex seem to be at odds. The thing to remember is there
is next time . which btw is my favorite time to have sex. next time