MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 15 MONTHS. FROM THE BEGINNING HE HAS ACTED STRANGE ABOUT SEX. HE SAID HE HAD NEVER REALLY HAD ANY BEFORE. HE'S 40. I KNOW THAT HE HAD LIVED WITH A GAY GUY AND THE MOTHER. HE SEEMS TO ONLY HAVE AN ORGASM IF I JACK HIM OFF OR HAVE ORAL SEX ON HIM. HE CAN GOE MONTHS AND NOT ACT LIKE HE WANTS SEX. HE ONLY GETS HARD WHEN I'M GIVING A HAND JOB AND AS SOON AS WE START INTERCOURSE HE GOES SEMI ERECT AND CAN'T HAVE AN ORGASM. HE DOESN'T EVEN DOING ANY FORPLAY. HE ALMOST ACTS LIKE IT PAINS HIM TO BE TOUCHING A WOMAN. I KNOW THE GUYS FROM HIS JOB AND THEY ARE VERY BIG ABOUT MACHOISM. COULD HE HAVE ONLY MARRIED A FEMALE TO KEEP THE GUYS FROM KNOWING HE MAYBE GAY. I HAVE HEARD IN THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS THAT HE DID HAVE SEX WITH A MAN BEFORE. COULD HE BE GAY AND NOT TELLING. I'VE TRIED SEX TOYS AND HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO USE THEM IN SEX. HE DOESN'T SEEM TO EVEN WANT TO KISS. I GIVE HIM ORAL SEX BUT HE SAYS HE DOESNT KNOW HOW ON A WOMAN EVEN WHEN I TRY TO SHOW HIM. THINGS HAVE GOTTEN SO BAD THAT I STARTED AN AFFAIR. IVE TRIED TALKING TO HIM AND IT DOES NO GOOD. HE SEEMS TO BLOW IT OFF OR ACT VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. HE STAYS PRETTY DRUNK MOST NIGHTS ANYMORE. IVE ALWAYS BEEN WILLING TO EXPERIMENT AND TRY NEW THINGS BUT NOTHING I EVEN SUGGEST SEEMS TO STRIKE ANYTHING IN HIM. COULD THIS BE A GAY THING OR MAYBE SOMETHING MEDICAL. LIKE I SAID HE GETS ERECT ONLY WHEN I HAVE ORAL SEX ON HIM OR HAND JOBS.

After 15 months, probably no one knows him better than you. So, you have pretty much answered your own question. He lacks respect for you no matter how you label it. Gay or not, he does NOT seem attracted to you in a NORMAL way...and he selfishly is putting himself before you sexually, and he probably will not change whatever orientation he is. Being drunk a lot is NOT helping anything. Since you tried and are not able to talk to him, and you started an affair, it seems that you may never be happy with him no matter what he says or does at this point...so you have to decide what is important to you...keep having the affair, straighten him out and become faithful again or start a new life...it's something you only can decide.
Gregorio

Gregorio is absolutely right. I strongly suggest you both get some counseling. Neither of you are happy and you both need to figure out what is best for you. If he won't go - you go alone. Life is too short to be stuck in a marriage that isn't making you happy.

How long have you known him? what is the age differential if any? whose mother did they live with,for how long? If you never could solve this problem
would you stay with him ? If you dont mind ?I like to learn from these postings like to see how they work out.

I HAVE KNOWN HIM FOR 3 YEARS THROUGH ANOTHER FRIEND. THE AGE DIFFERENCE IS THAT IM 2 YEARS OLDER THAN HIM.44 AND 42. THE WOMAN WHO THEY LIVED WITH WAS THE OTHER GUYS MOM AND HE SAID OVER TIME HE FELT LIKE SHE WAS HIS MOM BECAUSE HIS REAL MOTHER DIED AT A YOUNG AGE. HE MOVED HERE FROM UP NORTH WITH THESE PEOPLE WHEN HE WAS 20 AND STAYED WITH THEM FOR 20 YEARS. AS FOR STAYING WITH HIM IF WE CANT SOLVE THIS, I DONT THINK SO. I CAN ONLY TRY SO LONG. BUT BEING UNHAPPY IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO GO THROUGH AGAIN. LIFE IS TO SHORT WHICH I LEARNED AFTER MY 14 YEAR OLD CHILD WAS KILLED IN AN ACCIDENT. EVERYONE DESERVES HAPPINESS. IF HE WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN AND IT MAKES HIM HAPPY THEN I SAY GO FOR IT. BUT BE HONEST ABOUT IT. SO I HOPE THIS ANSWERS THINGS SOME.

Sounds to me like you have already made your decision - you just needed a few people to say - DO it! So I am going to say it again - if he makes you unhappy - go.