And I might as well mention I'm going through similar issues again (confusion with disability and sexual thoughts and feelings). You know my whole story and it's really nothing new (except for as stated within), but can I just bounce my recent issues to you and others? I keep having moments of deep drawn out orgasms as a quadriplegic (that are not real too first-time readers) only now the occurrences are becoming more regular. I hate to admit this and have been putting it off, but my long-term companion/friend/caregiver has been looking especially nicely (or at least I'm noticing it more) and I'm doing my best to fight off the phantom orgasms that sometimes occur when I'm with her. She knows all about my issues, but doesn't know that I'm feeling this way around her lately. I DO NOT have the same sexual attraction or feelings ABOUT OR towards her in general even though she is attractive. She is involved with someone else and I'm very happy for her. We've discussed my sexuality and disability issues and she's been a wonderful confidant on my orgasmic feelings (will only discuss to a point), but she wouldn't understand this-having told me a few times she's heard enough and to deal with it the best I can. I fear losing her friendship and wonderful caregiving if I said everything within here. She even knows I've written to you and pray she doesn't see this on her own. She's really not the type to get online anyways or I wouldn't dare submit this . What's probably even worse (and yes I mean very unpleasant) is the retrograde ejaculation or phantom feeling or whatever we call this now continues much longer and intensely after she leaves. Thankfully this isn't everyday, but when she wears these new style jeans or low-cut tops especially I can hardly handle what I'm feeling-but have to restrain myself from even looking where I really want to. Then television models, commercials and everything else takes over until the moment finally passes (sometimes hours later like before). The strange thing is that she has dressed even more provocative in the past, but I'm going through something new. She's like a sister to me although employed by me as well so please don't suggest us discussing it-that's not the answer legally or otherwise ... any advice or comments appreciated-I'll try not to rehash all of the old thoughts I've had negatively, but they seem to be popping in my head again too (guilt, thinking of perversion, etc.) when I have been doing so well (see my posting from a few days ago-feeling more normal except for this). That's all I can say-hope it makes sense enough to reply. Now I'm embarrassed but will send anyway ...hope you understand I needed to talk to someone

Philly,
Since she know something of your problem, why not ask her if she would be willing to wear a uniform of sorts. Something she would change into when she was at your house WHEN she is wearing something provactive. Maybe hi-rise jeans and a very long tshirt.

But she'd know something was wrong or at least very strange. I have been with her 10+ years and always encouraged her to dress anyway she wants. We are good friends, I love and care about her children ... and I can't ask that of her-it would ruin our friendship. Furthermore She either would be offended, know something was wrong with my thinking, or even a little upset. I don't think it's even just her-I have to find a way of balancing normal sexual thought and these weird feelings that reoccur. I just haven't experienced the orgasmic sensations from actual physical attractiveness quite as much as of late & coincidently with her I think ...it just used to happened regardless of circumstance and now it's occurring more so with "reason" if that makes any sense ... I'm regretting even writing this now, it's an issue from my neck up of dealing with my disability, sexuality and/or lack thereof from the chest now. I've gotten through a lot of other problems & I'm sure this too will pass ... I will tell her about writing this too someday and we will probably share a laugh ... She's very attractive anyways I just never had the inner feelings brought on by her presence. It's not like I've never looked at her sexually, but as of late it seems to bring on my sensations ... the only regret I am feeling right now is writing this to begin with-I may have even over analyzed my thought processes as of the past several times I've seen her and retrograde ejaculations happen to occur more intensely who knows? I am okay but feel free to make any other suggestions/reply to this and if you think this makes any sense at all-thanks for being there anyways & happy new year-Philly

You must really been wondering about me-believe me I wonder myself sometimes after these "episodes". First I need someone to talk to then I get scared gold cold, etc. it's all part of me and my disability I guess and just have to learn to accept it. I hope you bear with me, when I do feel like talking-but if not just say so I would certainly understand ...take care

Philly I am here to listen - so never hesititate to post. I care about you far more than you will ever realize.

Susan

Yeah thank you not only for the nice statement, but for listening (so to speak) to my sexuality and disability hangups/problem/issues and making me feel normal/better again. I am comforted knowing there is someone I can talk to sort of anonymously ...you've gotten me through some rough spells-especially when I can afford to purchase things on your site or seek professional advice on a lot of my issues SO-JUST A HUGE THANK YOU TO YOU!

I just have to come to terms that whenever I'm experiencing is normal (easy to say right now when nothing is bothering me) ...even though it doesn't feel that way-when my issues occur I need understanding or just getting it out-counselor! You make it a lot easier not to feel foolish after the posting as well being so understanding and open-minded-that's what I really needed all along-thanks again, Philly

The same care attendant was here this late afternoon & low and behold normal everyday conversation led to another little retrograde ejaculation, crotch staring issue for me (even without perceived sensual clothing). I think she was too preoccupied to notice, but I "got over it" much quicker and easier since I've spoken with you ...as I alluded to before this is just another confirmation of appreciation that you're speaking with me has helped me deal with things-once again ... so, thanks again probably needless to say at this point ... later

Philly, I am so glad it helps to come here. If you were the only person this place helped feel better about their sexuality I would feel like the reason for this sites existence would be done.

A person I know (and don't have much respect for) visited here and his comment was that this place was dead. He's not important, but his words stung for a second, it was only a second because people like you Philly and others take time to say thank you. So don't discount the meaning of your words - they are all important.

Susan

I've read excellent information on here from you and others, don't ever entertain anyone's negative feedback-this site is anything but dead! I learn a lot about other people as well and a lot of things I never knew about. I also know some people want to use this as a total perversion forum in which a lot of necessary weeding out must be necessary-so you work hard to accomplish this I'm sure-it doesn't go unappreciated for most of us you should know. I saw one posting where someone wanted to know every little thing about a woman's sexual desires and every little thing in her mind and body-I was surprised you posted it (although it looks like you had some reservation) I forget the name of the posting, but it was only a few days ago. You left it for conversation purposes only and I think they just wanted to do some dirty chatting. Anyways, I am not judging them or you I feel perverted at times to as you well know-just would not post that many or type of details and questions. Keep it up-you're doing wonderfully. Later, Philly

Remember on a previous posting me telling you I'm not really into the legs, breast or anything in specific about a woman except for her genitals themselves? I of course am attracted to a woman overall and all of them have good feature for sure! Even if a woman is unattractive to me I can usually pick out at least one good feature ... But why do you think I've been hooked up on just the vagina? Then when I get to see too much (so to speak) opened totally wide, too large, etc. I feel like I have seen way too much. Pretty unusual features/fantasies for a man from your experiences-? Thinking back to prior to accident the thought alone of just a small piece of clothing (i.e. blue jeans, bikini, etc.) covering my little fantasy drove me crazy & still does at times. Like it matters how much is covering the privates! Pretty weird eh? I can remember watching girls on the beach and actually orgasm in my pants a couple times not just because of their beauty but thinking how little it would take for something to show. I heard an old joke: that men are spending most of their lives trying to get back into where they came from!! & thought that was pretty funny ...but it is almost reality for me at least visually still at times. Am I totally abnormal any other Comments?

Ya know most guys are absolutely normal, but most guys think they are not.

It seems like what I say here more than anything else is--- yep---absolutely normal, ok, expected.

Why do you think it is considered more provactive to wear a Victori'a Secret emsemble than to be naked? Men's imaginations are usually better than the real thing.

Phily if you stopped fantasizing I'd think there was something wrong with you. A lot of men think women actually exposing themselves is vulgar. Obviously that is the way you think. Perfect OK.

Mind a little exposure-lol but overexposure of nudity and perversion is sickening. I guess I am normal if you say so ...& right about some men not thinking they are normal or admitting it anyways with their private thoughts and behaviors. It's those righteous self-serving jerks that make a bad name for the rest of us. I still think (and feel) a little abnormal just gawking at a woman's crotch (exclusively) and fantasizing. It's a lot easier with a photograph than in person to keep dignified ... Most Everything I've ever heard is that men look at what is upfront first-but not for me. I actually wondered if I had some sort of female thinking tendency (if that make sense), because if a woman was to look at a man provocatively or sexually the genitals area viewing and fantasizing makes a little more sense (with variety of penis sizes etc.). Who knows-I'm obviously thinking too much about it eh? I guess I know what I like and its a woman's inner thigh to inner thigh (eh I think that's the genitals area)-lol. Butt, leg, boob watching all combined couldn't possibly match my fascination. I bet not many men admit to their hidden desires either.