Okay you've maybe seen this before, and it's not intended to offend anyone, I just found it funny.. Ive seen posts around here where some specific examples are found that make the metric system very unvieldy and the imperial one very simple. It's easy to find examples that go the other way too, this little story/joke emphasizes what I think is the strength of the metric system, the ease of converting between different forms in it.

now I did not write this, just got it as spam mail a few weeks ago, one more disclaimer, this is about US measurements not UK (and like I learnt in the last few days, they are not the same, so it might come out cleaner the UK way) anyway here it is:

> Oh great Oracle whose keyboard never has crumbs,
> Will the USA ever go metric?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to determine the United States
measurement challenge once and for all.

In the blue corner we have our current US champion for many years,
weighing in at 220.4623 pounds, our hero: Igor Imperial.

In the red corner we have, weighing in at 100kg all the way from
France, and currently storming the world wherever he goes, our
challenger: Mean Mr Metric.

It will be a great fight today and one that may change the course of
history. Can Mean Mr Metric defeat Igor Imperial and change US life
forever, or will Igor outwit the classy opponent and maintain his place
in history.

We are about to find out.

Gentlemen, I want a clean fight. Shake hands and come out fighting on
the bell.

Round 1: "DONG"

They both approach each other and meet in the middle of the ring.
Metric has trained well and opens with the first punch:

How many feet in a mile?

Imperial answers after a moments hesitation with:

5280

"Good exchange there Bob, hasn't worried either of them."

"No Bill, it's still neck and neck, although Imperial took a fraction
of a second to divert that question."

Imperial decides to attack with a similar strategy:

How many metres in a kilometre?

Instantly, Metric flashes back with:

1000

"Wasn't that a great counter by Metric eh Bob - so quick. He's looking
good tonight"

"Sure is Bill"

Imperial goes on the attack again with a curly one:

How much does a litre of water weigh?

Metric comes back quickly with:

1 kilogram

"Great offense from Imperial there Bob. Combining both measurement of
mass and volume - well thought out."

"Sure thing Bill, but I think he may have left himself a bit vulnerable
here. If I can guess, Metric should follow up with..."

How much does a pint of water weigh?

Imperial reels back with such a tough one. He hesitates.

"Thought he'd do that Bill, he's looking shaky. I wonder how he's
trained for this?"

Suddenly, Imperial's eyes light up and he comes back with:

1.0431758 pounds

"Well Bob, our champ got out of that one but it was a bit messy eh?"

"It was Bill. I think he was lucky there. Metric should come back with
a tough one here if he's got it in him."

As Metric prepares for an offense, the champ Imperial slips in a sneaky
one:

If 1mm of rain falls on 1 square metre of roof, how much water
is collected?

"What a shot Bob! That'll hurt him."

Metric defends without a flinch:

1 litre

"No Bill, Metric has trained too well and has got too much ability.
That reply was instananeous. You know, I think he should follow the
same strategy as before and follow up with..."

If 1 point of rain falls on 1 square foot of roof, how much water is
collected?

"Imperial is down!"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7...

7.97922 fl oz

"What an answer! Our boy's still got guts!"

"DONG"

End of Round 1.

"Bill, that bell came just at the right time. This fight shouldn't last
the next round."

"You're right Bob, but that guy from France is just too good.

Round 2: "DONG"

Imperial comes out and slips in a gentle offense:

How many grams in a kilogram?

Metric defends:

1000

"Playground stuff there Bob."

"Yeah Bill"

Metric goes for the kill:

How many grains in an ounce?

"Uh oh. I think this is it Bob."

Imperial stutters:

uuuhhhhmmmmmmm. Which system?

"Oh Bill, he's answered with a question. That's not following the
spirit of the game!"

Metric replies:

All three.

"Curtains Bill. I'm sure."

Imperial responds:

Well in Avoirdupois its 437.5, in Apothecary its 480 and the other
one is... What other one?

Metric jabs:

You tell me.

Imperial falls to the floor.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

"Knocked out Bob!"

"Yeah Bill. I guess we have to get used to the idea of a new system
here in the US of A. This guy is a mean lean measuring machine."

"Just let me interrupt you Bob, our man Leroy is down in the ring
talking with Mean Mr Metric."

"Mean Mr Metric that was an incredible last blow there. Tell me what is
that other system"

Tell you the truth, Leroy, I don't know nor care. I just know there
are three and they are all stupid.

"Interesting response there from Mean Mr Metric, Back to you Bill"

"We've just got word that the judges are going to make an
announcement..."

After final discussion, the judges have decided to declare the fight
null and void due to the fact that the win by Mean Mr Metric would mean
that some politicians might lose the next election.

You owe the Oracle a life in the dark ages.


I considered editing out the more obvious references to the metric system being superior, like the life in the dark ages bit in the end but decided I owed to the author, whoever he/she is to keep the text intact.

Sica

Metric: 'I'll have that jar of honey at 434 grams'
Imperial: 'Oh, a pound'

Metric: 'And now this carton of milk at 568 millilitres'
Imperial: 'A pint'

Metric: 'I'll have some of those 25 millimetre nails'
Imperial: 'An inch'

Metric: 'And a 13 millimetre spanner'
Imperial: 'Half Inch'

Metric: 'And that sheet of that timber that's marked up at 1220cm x 2440cm'
Imperial: '8 by 4'

Metric: 'And that nice 91.5 centimetre bed'
Imperial: '3 foot'

Metric: 'Do you deliver free within a 16.0939 kilometre radius?'
Imperial: '10 miles'

Metric: Resigns

Tony Bennett

In imperial, in the days before metric, the following arrangement existed:

Standard solid measures:
One pound = one can (eg of stew)

Standard liquid measures:
One pint = one carton (eg of milk)

Smaller solid measures:
One ounce = one bag (eg of crisps, or of tobacco)

Larger liquid measures:
One gallon = one can (eg of petrol)

And so on.

In the simplified, super smooth world of metric, the decimal arrangement breaks down, so:

(To Mr Imperial) What is the weight of 7 cans?
Answer: 7 pounds

(To Mr Metric) What is the weight of seven cans?
Answer: Er, 7 x 425g is ... 2975g

(To Mr Imperial) What is the volume of 5 cartons?
Answer: 5 pints

(To Mr Metric) What is the volume of 5 cartons?
Answer: 5 x 500ml which is 2500 ml which is 2.5l

(To Mr Imperial) What is the weight of 19 jars of pepper.
Answer: 19 ounces

(To Mr Metric) What is the weight if 19 jars of pepper.
Answer: I don't know what they weigh, I'll have to check. Oh, it's 26g, downsized from 28g/1oz. So, 26 x 19 is ... 494g

Conclusion:

Metric is "better" only in the world of theory. In the physical world, imperial beats it for simplicity and ease of use on most occasions.

Sica glad you are here! Just a joke is a great
way of humorously comparing systems. I tried adapting
it to Bryan units (described in the "reporting collective work" thread of this board and some other
webpages off site). Enjoy.

> Oh great Oracle whose keyboard never has crumbs,
> Will metric ever get modernized?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to determine Europe's measurement challenge once and for all.

In the blue corner we have our current European champion for many years, weighing in at 110 kilograms, our hero: Mr "Frenchy" Metric.

In the red corner we have, all the way from somewhere in Sussex, and currently storming the world wherever he goes, our challenger: the great Bryan, weighing in at 5 dogs.

It will be a great fight today and one that may change the course of history. Can Bryan defeat the Metric Defender and change life on the continent forever, or will Mr. Metric outwit the classy opponent and maintain his place in history.

We are about to find out.

Gentlemen, I want a clean fight. Shake hands and come out fighting on the bell.

Round 1: "DONG"

They both approach each other and meet in the middle of the ring. Bryan has trained well and opens with the first punch:

How many meters per second is standard speed for light?

Mr. Metric answers after a moment's hesitation with:

299,792,458

"Good exchange there Bob, hasn't worried either of them."

"No Bill, it's still neck and neck, although Mr. Metric took a fraction of a second to divert that question."

Mr. Metric decides to attack with a similar strategy:

What's the speed in Bryan units: miles per snicker?

Instantly, Bryan flashes back with:

10 thousand

"Wasn't that a great counter by Bryan eh Bob - so quick. He's looking good tonight"

"Sure is Bill"

Mr. Metric goes on the attack again with a curly one:

What quantum energy goes with unit angular frequency?

Bryan comes back instantly with:

10**-33 kibblebone

"Great offense from Metric there Bob. Combining both measurement of energy and frequency - well thought out."

"Sure thing Bill, but I think he may have left himself a bit vulnerable here. If I can guess, Bryan should follow up with..."

What energy goes with metric unit angular frequency?

Mr. Metric reels back with such a tough one. He hesitates.

"Thought he'd do that Bill, he's looking shaky. I wonder how he's trained for this?"

Suddenly, Metric's eyes light up and he comes back with:

1.0545716 x 10**-34 joules.

"Well Bob, our champ got out of that one but it was a bit messy eh?"

"It was Bill. I think he was lucky there. Bryan should come back with a tough one here if he's got it in him."

As Bryan prepares for an offense, the champ Mr. Metric slips in a sneaky one:

How many electrons does it take to make up Bryan unit charge?

"What a shot Bob! That'll hurt him."

Bryan defends without a flinch:

10**18, a quintillion

"No Bill, Bryan has trained too well and has got too much ability. That reply was instananeous. You know, I think he should follow the same strategy as before and follow up with..."

How many electrons are in the metric unit of charge?

"Metric is down!"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7...

6.24151...x10**18

"What an answer! Our boy's still got guts!"

"DONG"

End of Round 1.

"Bill, that bell came just at the right time. This fight shouldn't last the next round."

"You're right Bob, but that guy from Sussex is just too good.

Round 2: "DONG"

Mr. Metric comes out and slips in a gentle offense:

How many units of mass make one unit of gravity?

Bryan defends:

One million

"Playground stuff there Bob."

"Yeah Bill"

Bryan goes for the kill:

How many in metric terms?

"Uh oh. I think this is it Bob."

Mr. Metric stutters:

uuuhhhhmmmmmmm. What's one divided by 6.673 x 10**-11?

"Oh Bill, he's answered with a question. That's not following the spirit of the game!"

Bryan replies:

Here. Want to borrow my calculator?

"Curtains Bill. I'm sure."

Mr. Metric responds, madly calculating:
Let's see, one over 6.673 is 0.1499 and
one over 10**-11 is 10**11, so it must
be 1.499x10**10 kilograms. It's 15 billion kilograms
and one metric unit of gravity is a cubic meter per
square second!

DONG

Mr. Metric collapses on the floor in a cold sweat.


"Saved by the bell Bob!"

"Yeah Bill. I guess we have to get used to the idea of a new system here in the Union. This Bryan guy is a mean lean measuring machine."


Round 3: "DONG"

"Metric is up Bob, he's staggering into center ring and putting his big question to Bryan"

What's the energy equivalent of Bryan unit mass?

Bryan instantly comes back, "10**18, a quintillion kibblebones, and what about the joule equivalent of a kilogram?"

"Metric is down Bill! He's groaning and trying to multiply 299,792,458 by 299,792,458! He's hitting his head on the floor."

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

"Metric is out Bob, and this match is over!"

"Just let me interrupt you Bill, our man Leroy is down in the ring talking with the new champ."

"Bryan that was an incredible last blow there. Tell me did you have a punch in reserve in case that didn't take him out"

Tell you the truth, Leroy, Metric's an outdated turkey.
Any basic conversion you try on him will show him up. I just asked the first things that came to mind.

"Interesting response there from Bryan, Back to you Bill"

Sorry folks, not in the slightest comparable to Sica's original post.

-Tony is re-iterating the definition of the imperial system.
-The BWMA poster is dragging out some system that noone ever heard of (or he even made up)
-Leonard is quoting a system that exactly 1 person uses.


Ralf

Your example is abit unfair, in a fully metricied society you dont get that kind of thing.

You get a 500 gram jar of honey.
Then you get a carton that's a 1/2 liter or 500ml

My bed is exactly 1m wide and 2m long

People deliver within a 2km radius or a 1.5km radius

so on and so forth. When converting between two different system like the metric and the imperial one you will get a clean number on one side and a messy one on the other, it's easy to manipulate the examples to show what you want, either make the metric sound messy or the imperial one.

In day to day living the metric system works well, Im not saying you have to switch, I for example would never be able to switch into the imperial system, it's way to confusing for me. I dont have a gut feel for any of the units. And the relationships between the units are also confusing for me.

anyway time to go

Sica
Icelandic Maniac

I quite agree that it's all too easy to manipulate examples to make it seem that one particular system of units is best. I've inveighed against that practice more than once on this board (against imperial strawmanufacturers as well as metric ones). However, BWMA's point about selling in convenient standard sizes is quite valid, since it describes how easy things really used to be. Something similar could be true of a sensible largely-metric society (which I dare say Iceland is). But not of compulsory metrification under the ægis of the EU, where "standard" European sizes come to absurd amounts in both metric and imperial, eg E3 = 1,215g (that's 1kg 215g not 1g 215mg!).

Sorry to break the news:

That joke wasn't funny!

A *real* joke would be to convince the average man/woman on the street that their common use of imperial was "too difficult", or something