As some of you may remember, she's been with me for almost 11 years. She has been such an important part of this family, I don't know how to stop crying. A couple of years ago she battled cancer, was a vital part of a cancer research program that developed a new treatment for breast cancer. She was such a good patient that they never had to tranquilizer for any of the procedures. She even was videotaped to show others how the procedure is done. She ended up getting her leg amputated and went on to live another 2 wonderful years as a 3 legger. She was my sweetheart, one of my kids, my friend - my best buddie. Yesterday we awoke to what must've been a horrible night for her. She had uncontrollable urination and vomiting. She hadn't eaten much for the last day and all of a sudden looked so frail. She kept drinking water and then throwing up to the point of dry heaving. We took her in to the emergancy room and they said that they could feel tumors surrounding her lungs and that was why she was having trouble breathing. They said that it was a miracle she lived this long, that she should've died a year ago. That there wouldn't have been any cure. I was shocked. This wasn't her regular doctor as it was Thanksgiving and they were closed. A few months ago she had oral surgery and they didn't say anything to me about any problems, they took blood tests before the surgery. She was so healthy looking and so happy and strong. Maybe it's better I didn't know for I would've worn myself out looking to the end of the earth for something to cure her. Right before they put her to sleep she sat up and looked normal again. I so wanted to just take her home but they said she would die a horribly painful death as the tumors got bigger and suffucated her. I held her to the end. She was the good patient as always - so trusting, so loving. At the every last second she knew something was wrong and I had to hold her tight and just kept telling her in her ear that she was going to be alright. That God would love her just as much as I did. That I would be looking for her up there someday. Then she was gone. A cremation service picked her up and the will take a paw print and put it on top of a small boxed shaped urn. I don't know if I should bury that up to the top leaving the paw print to show and put her next to my precious Kiki ( our 15yr old chihuahua who Kalani thought was her mommy), or if I should keep that in the house? How long will I feel like this? I keep looking at the empty space where her bed use to be. Everytime I peel an apple I expect her to come hopping around the corner with that beautiful face of hers all lit up cause she loved apples. How long before I can think of her and not cry?

I'm sure Kalani had a great life they teach us so much don't they. Sorry for your loss Martha.

about your loss of Kalani. That's always the hardest part of owning a pet is when are gone from us. At least she had a great life with you and a bond that never can be broken.

for your loss. Your feelings are normal and will take some time to heal.

Personally, I keep my pet's ashes in my home. It gives me comfort to know they are near me.

Give yourself some time to grieve and remember, Kalani will live in your heart forever.

They just delivered her ashes to me. A beautiful little box with her name engraved very nicely on top. Her paw print and her kerchief that she had on when she passed (she had a whole collection for every holiday), a lock of her hair and a copy of the tear jerker "Rainbow Bridge". We lit our Advent candle in her honor tonday and each of the kids shared something they loved about her. It's so hard to stop the sniffles cause there are so many of us here in this house and everytime one of us gets reminded in some way of her, we cry and before you know it we're all crying! I do notice that every now and then one of us will be able to tell a funny story about her and it'll make us laugh (right before we cry!). Thank you all for your prayers, my comfort is that I know that she could not have been more loved than by us. I can remember the little flea infested, worm infested 10 wk old pup that we brought home and wondered what the heck were we thinking? The furniture we went through, when she dug up our newly installed sod, all the little bumps and bruises that we all had through her very hyper puppy days. The trips to dog beach where it took forever to find a parking space and then walking such a long way, were all worth it just to see her frocklying amoung the waves. She is forever in our hearts and will be forever missed.

to hear of your loss. I couldn't even pretend to know when it might feel better, I can upset myself even thinking about that inevitable day we all must face. But just know she was happy, and had a good life, and that's the best any living creature can expect.

A friend of ours who recently had her dog pass, took her ashes to a place that turns them into gemstones. She wears it around her neck always.

I wonder if I can find a place that does that over here. We live in San Diego Ca. I'll try to google it! Thanks!

I am so sorry to hear about Kalani, Martha. I remember reading about her a year or two ago and all your doctor visits. I know somewhat how you feel. I lost 2 boys..my Ty died of cardiomyopathy 2 years ago and my other Dobe (named Dobie) died 12 years ago of cancer. He had tumors also, and I finally had to have him put to sleep as he couldn't eat or get up one day. I think of the 2 of them all the time and I still cry. I cried reading your story also. It will get better I promise but there will still be tears but fewer in time. Our new Dobe, Rex, who is 2 now really helps with our grief. There is nothing like a Dobe. They are our children and the loves of our lives. My prayers are with you Martha. God bless you and your family.

Martha, Please accept my sincere sympathies and condolences, it's never easy and they are never with us long enough. Each one takes a piece of our hearts with them, but their memories remain forever in our hearts and they are always with us.
God Bless....

that's what my 3yr old little girl prays for every night...apples in heaven...for her "Lani". Thank you all so much. We have a 4 yr old dobiegirl named Dasha that is velcro attatched to my 8yr old son and she has been coming up to me and nudging me to pet her. I think she feels my pain. So we are thankful for her.

If it helps at all, I think you bought her a whole lot of quality time. You were also brave enough to save her from what would have been a very painful and undignified death. Sometimes that it all we can do and it's much more than many deserving animals/pets get.

Rest peacefully sweet Kalani, you were much loved and are much missed. Martha, I hope that your heart will heal as fast as can be expected. I understand the process and unfortunately it seems that the greater the love, the longer it takes.

but I just had to respond to your sad post. Perhaps this is too personal, but I'm compelled to write to you this message.

The amount of time it takes you to recover is equal to the amount of love you held for her. This is why it is so painful when we loose this part of our self. If we didn't love them so deeply, it would not affect us so deeply. And it's just terrible when we have to give the nod to the needle. I wish I could wave a magic wand like TinkerBell and stardust would fall on people's grief. But I can't. Grief is the sum total of love lost, and nothing in the world will pacify nor cure it. You can only suffer through it, only you, as each of us has done, as well. A broken heart never truely mends like new, there is always that memory lurking back there somewhere...but luckily the happy memories begin to override the sad ones, and you will smile again at the antics of a dear creature, be it animal or human. Will you ever forget? Never. Will you ever quit hurting? Not for a while. But just like the sunshine on a beautiful day emerging after winter's cruel jokes, so will you smile again someday. What a blessing you are able to love like you do, many people miss experiencing that joy. And sadly, a few fortunate dogs. But there is a special group of folks who search the internet for kindred spirits, and lots of them own Dobermans. And lots of them surf around the internet, and paths cross...if only for a moment. Bless you, Auntie Dobe R. Mann

I loved her to forever, and that's how long I will miss her. She was just too beautiful in body and spirit to ever not miss her.