I'm in a deep state of depression so I haven't written much lately.

I'm having problems getting my meds but I think I have it worked out now. My doctor gave me a website for www.pparx.com and also my health insurance gave me the same so it must be good. I had found one where I paid a $25 fee to apply and then it was going to cost me $200 every 6 to 8 months for the meds and it didn't cover the pain med. PPARX won't cover like vicodin or perocet but at least they will help with the others.

You would think since I was able to pay off my home I would be on cloud nine but the problems just keep coming. I'm having a lot of trouble with my feet and my right side and of course they have no idea why.

I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I'm scared that even if I didn't have problems that my condition would still keep me in depression. On Cymbalta 90mg but although it's helping with keeping the bad thoughts away it's not motivating me at all.

I spend most days laying in bed watching court tv and everyday seems the same. I just don't know how to handle any of this. Taking a shower or washing my hair, cleaning house and working were the things I enjoyed most in life. I don't do any of those things now although I can't work I could take better care of myself and my home. I sometimes feel I've lost the zest for life. I feel as though I'm now just waiting for my time to come.

Silly isn't it? After the fight of my life with the settlement I should be much happier and able to deal with the small things that come along but I can't seem to.

Anyway I will drop in from time to time to see how all of you are. I love each and everyone of you and someday I hope to write about how my life has turned around and how happy I am. With my luch that will be the time when it's time for me to go,lol. Gentle hugs, Tammy

Tammy,
So sorry that you are back into a state of depression. You have fought so hard through all of this. What are your main worries Tammy? That you are not healing? Is it worry over your disablity case? Have you heard anything from them? Did you all ready go to IME? Tammy you are a strong person you can not give up!!! I won't let you!!!! email me tell me what is going on in your life that is getting you down. We can work it out. Hell Tammy with all that we have been through we can over come anything!!!

I feel badly about feeling so sorry for myself. All of us here have had enough pain and turmoil to last a lifetime.

The IME is next Tuesday and yes it does worry me. I'm doing somewhat better than I was when I saw him last so how am I going to convince him I can't drive a school bus. I didn't really relate to him very well and I know that's my fault so maybe I can do better this time. I knew how much pain I was in and that my back caused me to have pain but I didn't tell him what I couldn't do in my duties in driving a bus.

I worry about what my life is going to be with what I have to work with. What's my purpose now?

I have to see the surgeon today and see if they found anything on the MRI this time that can tell them what's going on. All of us know that it's not always easy and we hate it when they can't find anything and were in such pain. Maybe that's why the depression right now....knowing their probably not going to find anything and I've always had hopes that whatever it was could be fixed.

Love and gentle hugs, Tammy

Ahhhhhhhhhh Tammy,
It is a fine kettle of fish we find ourselfs in. Have to convice someone what we cann't do now that is so dumb!! Our own Doctors know what we cann't do!!! But then we have to go to a doctor who has not been treating us and for a hour more or less and have them tell us what they think??? It just does not make sense does it?????????????? But worrying does not help, just get a game plan start in you head and on paper for what you will do if he is no help. Never stop fighting!!! Remember every time we fight and win we are winning for everyone here on the board.
Hopefully your surgeon will have some news for you today that will help with the leg and foot pain. There has to be something they can do that will make it easier for you to get up and moving again. Never give up hope.
What do your daughters say about you having to see a IME again?? I think it is plain dumb but it is done all the time. And untill we are able to do what we need to with just our own Doctors statements we are up a creek with out the paddle.
Tammy if I did not have my Grandchildren I know that I would not make it through the days. But looking forward to the weekends when I get to see them is what keeps me going.
Tammy life keeps throwing lemons at me!!!!!! But hey I like lemonade!!!!!

Hi Tammy and CAA!

Ditto to CAA's post, except for grandchildren, dont have any yet, but I can relate as far as my boys are concerned, just when I want to jump off a bridge I realize that a life without a mom would just be too much for them to handle...for some reason they are the only people who have loved me without condition and in spite of my mistakes, love me anyway!

I too hope that your surgeon has great news for you...sorry to hear about extra pains. Hang in there my dear friend, hopefully all will work out. Keep your chin up buddy you are an angel, Tammy, NEVER forget that!

luv
annie

I ask the Lord to be with you today and to help you through this. I'm starting to understand this more and more: How life changing this all is. It's disorienting! and so many issues come from it. I know I have bad days--heck, I have bad hours. I have bad weeks. You seem to know how to lift your spirits by coming to the board.


May the Lord touch your spirit and fill your need.

Vee
<><

"with friends, thy cup runneth over"

Tammy .. I 'm here for you any time .....

I am welll aware of how depression takes over our thoughts and it can really drag you down .

HOld on Tammy !
Depression is like a yo yo .. up an down up and down ....

What you are feeling is somewhat the way I feel ...
mind you I have people in my home that I need to be on my toes .. so not to let them see me cry all the time ....

I cant imagine being alone ...which would make it that much harder .. as in your case ...

Maybe you should think about a boarder or someone .. who can keep you company ... just a thought ..

Hey Tammy call on me any time .. I care alot about you kiddo .

You have no idea how much you are loved on this site.

We need you .

Please call on me any time .. I will even email you my phone number if you want it.

Love Red

DEPRESSION SUCKS

Good luck with your meds honey .. I pray this comes through for you .

Thank you all for the support.

I finally got an.....we can see what's going on with your right leg!!! Finally although then you get the but there's nothing that can be done speach. Seems like the nerves around L5 have gone into a clump. They said it's like spagetti (sp?). They don't know why it happens but there's nothing but pain meds, neurotin or a pain pump that will help. The pain meds help but it doesn't make it go all away gone. He says there's a good chance it will get worse.

I'll have to get the medical term for it. I didn't think for him to spell it for me but I have to go and get the MRI's and stuff from the hospital for the IME on Tuesday so I'll have them give me the report too with the medical term on it.

Aunt Betty is in the hospital again with liquid in her lungs so please add her to your prayers. I'm so afraid of loosing her. I was there before they put her in her room today in the emergency room and she doesn't look good. She's my rock and I know I have to loose her someday but I pray it's not now. She's the one person in my family I can tell ANYTHING and of course we all know she saved my home for me. My aunt is only 16 years older than I am so she's kind of like my sister more than an aunt. Sometimes she's like my mother but more understanding.

I love you all and someday Red if you want to talk just email me and I'll give you that call. It's the best thing I ever did to be able to call Canda or anywhere in the US...also Puerto Rico (but I don't know anyone)for free.

Your right Red, being alone like I am is rough but my kids have gotten a lot closer to me since all of this and especially my grandkids. Isn't that what life's all about, FAMILY??

You are all apart of my family and so very special to me.

Love and gentle hugs. Tammy

I ask in the Lord's name that Aunt Betty be touched by the hand of God and feel the healing touch. I pray she is comfortable in body and in her heart and spirit. In Jesus name, Amen


Prayers and faith for your Aunt Betty ><> _ /__
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Amen (/) holy word

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Hi Tammy,
I have been fighting depression too. I finally had to give in and go to a counselor. I started seeing her the last of January when I got to the point that I just wanted to give up. It has really helped to have someone to talk to and listen to me. She said she gets a lot of MVA patients who are going through the same thing. She trys to get me back on track by telling me to look for the positive in what is happening to me right now. Even when I think that there is nothing postivie about any of this she always manages to help me find something.
And if I say something negative she asks me how that is helping me to feel that way. Then she reminds me that it isn't helping but making me feel even worse.
I know it's not helping but that's how I feel. And it's not easy to just let go of how we feel sometimes. I really like her though. So I try to listen to what she says and
she has been helping me and she makes me laugh.
She even told me to go home and watch funny movies. I am supposed to watch at least one a day as part of my therapy.
She said we all need to laugh especially when we are feeling down. And if we watch sad movies it won't release the endorphins to help us and will only make us feel worse.
So I will pass her advice on to you. Try watching a really funny movie one that is sure to make you laugh at least once a day and find the positive in what is going on with you even though you are in pain.
It's helping me so I hope it will help you too.
Love and Blessings,
Ann

Thank you for trying Ann. I've got manic depression and I for the most part don't laugh at movies or jokes. I went to get help years ago and they did help me understand a lot about myself but it didn't really help the depression. My depression comes from a chemical inbalance in the brain and only once in my life did they find drugs that really helped me.

I've fought depression for so long and almost given in a few times but the people here care and I couldn't do that to them or my family. It's the cowards way out because I had to think of all the people I would affect if I left like that.

Depression that isn't manic like mine is normal for people to go thru when they have had their lives changed from another's actions. Mine had gotten worse since the drunk hit me but there have been days when I do watch my grandchildren and I have to laugh. Days when someone here says something from their hearts to me or to someone else and really trys to help....that makes me smile. So you see this board has been a blessing and have given me strength I never thought possible.

I thank you for your kindness and wish depression wasn't a part of what we have to bear....but it is....but not forever.

Gentle hugs, Tammy

Hi Tammy!
Thank You and Gentle hugs to you too.
Have you ever tried SAMe? The doctor at the orthopediac clinic told me that I needed to try it. I forgot all about it until I went to a site for manic depression to learn more about it. I have a brother and two nephews who are bi-polar. The one site listed some things to try and the SAMe was on that site. I forgot all about it until I went there.
So thank you. If I hadn't gone there to learn more about what you are going through I would never have remembered it. My memory isn't to good and sometimes I think of something and get ahead of myself. Especially my spelling.
I try to go over what I have just typed but sometimes I don't think it's registering. I tried to type positive on my last post to you only that's not what is typed there. sorry
Maybe someone could record your grandchildren when they are doing the funny little things that make you laugh and you could look at it when you are really down.
I am going to go look up info on this SAMe. I just hope they stop the FDA from passing that law they are trying to get passed. If they do I won't make it. I use essential oils and herbal patches and herbs etc to help me. It worries me that our goverment doesn't care about our health any more than they do. When I had a tumor in my throat I got rid of it using herbs and supplements and didn't have to have surgery.
Someday things will be better.
Love and Blessings,
Ann

Hi Tammy,
I just checked out the SAMe. It said "This basic life-supporting nutrient enables cells to grow and repair themselves and offers relief for many conditions, including arthritis, depression, liver problems, fibromyalgia and precursors to heart disease.
SAMe helps produce neurotransmitters in the brain and even regulates our genes. It does all this through a process called methylation."
The website also had a warning after all of the info it said: "Warning: Individuals with bipolar (manic) depression should not take SAMe unless under professional medical supervision. SAMe can cause manic depressives to switch to the manic phase. It should not be taken with MAO inhibitors." Now I have to look up MAO inhibitors. I don't know what a MAO inhibitor is.
Oh well I will keep trying.
Love and Blessings,
Ann

WOW, I almost tried SAMe years ago. I've dealt with depression for so long now that I do ok but some days I need to come here where my friends understand. I have two daughters that are bi-polar so they understand me and they too take meds for it. My granddaughter also suffers from it and I think that proves that it can be passed on thru the family. When I was a kid they didn't understand things like they do now and I didn't get any help.

Several months ago I just about had given up. When I was at my lowest and although I hung in there I found the next morning my attorney called with good news about my subrogation. Now I remember that just when you think you can't go on things turn around and get so much better.

Depression is a horrible thing to go thru but pretty much all of us have with the pain we endure everyday.

Thank you for worrying about me Ann and looking to find an answer for help.

Love and gentle hugs, Tammy

My prayers continue for you and your family Tammy ,
I'm truly sorry to hear about your Aunt , and know how much she means to you . I will definately keep you all in my prayers .

sister !

Please keep us posted Tammy , we care.
Gentle Hugs

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