Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favoritthing!
12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with the people
My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I
must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe
him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective
custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Oh my gosh - this was too funny and way to close to home! My cat, Tuna rubbed on my legs and grabbed at my shoelace on the stairs and I slipped, hitting my back!! So I have to have help to get up and get into bed where I am laying with my back getting frozen and popping pain pills and soma - just exactly what I didn't need! Everytime I think, I am moving forward, I take a step back!!

Oh course right next to me is Tuna, purring away!!!

LOL, that's too funny!