Joke # 1.
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.
"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."
Joke # 2.
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
The prosecutor again blared, "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Joke
.
An attorney, cross-examining the local coroner, queried, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"
"No," the coroner replied.
"Well, then, did you listen for a heart beat?"
The coroner answered, "No."
"Did you check for respiration? Breathing?", asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, "No."
"Ah," the attorney said, "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"
The coroner rolled his eyes, and shot back "Counselor, at the time I signed the death certificate the man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I can see your point. For all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
Have a nice day !
