My name is Jack Spencer. I spent 15 years of my life on the job. The Police department isn’t for everyone. Like everything else it has it’s Up's and downs but the darker side of society it reveals to you especially Homicide is disturbing. No matter who you are and how solid a person it slowly changes you until you barely know who you are any more or what is what. That’s why so many Cops like myself take to booze or what have you.
So many times my wife Karen asked me how my day was. You have to be able to leave the job behind. What am I going to answer… “It was fine honey except for those strangled children… it was great except for that poor bastard some blew the head off of with a shotgun or that murdered woman someone raped after they had slit her throat… Oh, by the way have you ever smelled a 3 week old rotting corpse dear?”
Like most of my colleagues I kept it all to myself. Did my best to love my wife and kids and prayed they’d stay safe from the horrors and monsters in this world. Our marriage had it's troubles but I loved her and the kids. It’s hard to explain, it’s so many things in there that only another Cop would understand. Well needless to say in my case my prayers went unanswered.
One night after some psycho broke in and cut their throats he set fire to my house… taking them from me, I admit I lost it after that. In the precinct I heard all the whispering, the comments…
I was taken off the streets and put behind a desk. Pushing a pencil while that fucking bastard was roaming free. Everyone treating me like some EDP… Of course I was an emotionally disturbed person... I saw what remained of my wife and kids in the city morgue. I guess the stress and grief was getting to me. I had some hallucinations and incidents after it all went down. I said some stupid things… seeing monsters around, demons among us. I started to keep it to myself but it was too late and word spread to the shrinks.
I mean I had just lost my family… while scum like drug dealers, gang-bangers and pimps somehow God saw fit to grant life to. I had always suspected that it was all a crock and now it was painfully clear to me that there was no God.
Anyhow, one night they dragged in a “Perp” who might be the one. A real dirt bag, long rap sheet, fit the profile too… a series of arsons and assaults going back years. The system was so overcrowded they had to cut him loose just a few days before my tragedy. Well I paid him a little visit, even if it wasn’t him he was guilty of something sometime or would be. He was a real waste of fucking life. They others pulled me off him but I made sure he’d be eating his meals through a straw for the next few months. I'd sell my soul to get my hands on all these fuckers for just a few minutes.
I was suspended on medical leave. My record as a Cop was squeaky clean compared to most. I had several commendations over the years. Eventually I was forcibly separated from the force but retained a pension package… blood money after all I’d been through. I lost my badge and my gun. I was just another face in the crowd now.
I found it harder and harder to sleep at night. often having nightmares when I did finally manage to get some shut eye. I was renting a small apartment downtown now, a real dump. The previous resident had left behind some gear. The slum lord called it a furnished apartment, what a joke.
The former resident was most likely evicted for non-payment of rent or some shit, it was mostly busted up crap. I found a telescope and some books on astrology.
Over the next few weeks I became lost in this new distraction… watching the stars at night and trying to understand the meaning of it all. I would try not to think about my family but it understandably got the better of me from time to time and I hit the bottle harder then ever. My friends all disappeared in the following weeks all except for good old Jack Daniels, Jim Bean, Captain Morgan and occasionally a visit from Mr. Dewers. One night when I was in a real dark place... I made a wish on one of those stars.
Little by little, I began to see some patterns in them after that. I felt like maybe something had led me to this point... On this one particular night, I followed the stars through the city streets. It’s not easy to do with the lights and distractions. I brought along my throw-down piece. I had kept it hidden in my unmarked car for years, just in case. It was only an old .45 I took off some punk kid in my rookie days but it was clean and it would have to do for now.
The stars led me to an industrial area of the city. I had never been here before… it was completely unfamiliar to me. I saw a ragged man, in an army jacket. He was unkempt and had a long matted up beard. He was holding a knife to a woman’s throat. She had been badly beaten her clothing was all torn up and had a bloody sack over her head. I stayed in the darkness and watched. He dragged her into an open doorway of an abandoned building. The only light in the alleyway was a nearly extinguished garbage can fire.
I snuck up cautiously and entered behind him. I went down a flight of metal stairs to a basement level. It stunk of urine and was full of garbage. I could see many items of clothing and handbags and such tossed around the pig-sty.
He had her tied down on a old filthy mattress and was hovering over her like some great predator over a fresh kill… He was cutting the skin from her body in long strips… She was screaming but it was muffled. He sniffed the air loudly and looked up at me. I held up my weapon in one hand and beckoned to him with a finger on the other one. He stuck the knife into her chest defiantly not to be deprived of his kill and rose up angrily. She gasped and convulsed for a few seconds and then past on.
As I looked at her oddly I felt no real compassion. It was the way of the world to me now. He charged at me in my moment of distraction but I remained completely calm. I aimed deliberately at his mid torso and fired a shot. Head shots were for the movies, not real life situations.
He fell to the ground at my feet. Still clawing slowly in my direction. What a fuckin' piece of work... I fired a few more shots in to him a few seconds apart, into the limbs. I wanted him to suffer, to feel some of the agony I live with in my heart day after day. Finally… I pulled his head up by his hair to see his face more clearly. His features were grotesque surely matching his black soul.
I put the gun to the side of his head, looked him dead in the eyes and pulled the trigger with a smile.
Since that night, every few days or weeks, I see the signs in the stars and follow them. I am as yet to be disappointed... I may never find the bastard who took my family from me but I’ll always be able to find someone to make pay for it regardless. All I can say is... "God help them..."