. . when you notice this on the banana you are having and you automatically think of Penn and wonder if he's getting some sort of money from Chiquita for this.



Heh. Thought this would be a fun idea for a thread . . how would you finish the phrase?

****************
You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill;
I will choose a path that's clear-
I will choose free will

- "Free Will" - RUSH

http://www.myspace.com/kimberlys_nyc

...you try to distract your fellow diners so you can slip parsley on their plates.

...you refuse to be distracted by your fellow diners so they cannot slip parsley on your plate.

Heehee! That's awesome.

You know you are a fan when you keep trying to think of ways to put Penn & Teller references in the young-adult book you're writing about a girl whose only ambition in life is to become a famous magician, so she runs away to Las Vegas to learn the craft...and wackiness ensues.

I will never, ever be a famous enough writer to pay royalties to P&T so all I can think of doing is working in a three of clubs reference somewhere. Maybe that will be enough. I REALLY wanted my character to become a stage hand for a pair of performers who are mysteriously like Penn and Teller, but that was A BIT TOO OBVIOUS.

... when you do yard work, you trim the shadows of the hedges and expect a result.

You know you're a Penn & Teller fan when you start saving a year in advance to see them every night for the week you hope to be in Vegas for The Amazing Meeting 7.

****
Tressa
http://www.myspace.com/23tressa

When your parents know your such a big P&T fan, that when you get out of surgery, and the anesthetic is wearing off and your voice is slightly altered, The moment you speak and say "My fucking face hurts you asshole!" your mother says "Well, if it makes you feel any better, you sound like the big guy from Penn and Teller."

That's a true story, when I was 16 (2 years ago) I had to go into surgery to have a tumor removed from my pituitary gland, and in the pre surgery consultation, they realized my septum was deviated 90 degrees. I sounded like Penn for about 2 hours, then like the macho man for 3 months.

everytime you are at a bar, & one of your chums join your group you imeediately think, "& then there's this asshole . . . "

...sometimes you say bulls <clap> hit instead of bullshit"

...you know that Mofo knows"

...when you see a hairdryer, you think of little Houdini"

...you've laughed at a 270# naked man and his latin scholar buddy covered in fake blood"

...you always force the three of clubs"

... you know who James Randi, Martin Gardener, and Mac King are, even if you have never seen them or read their works.

...you obsess over how to preserve a lemon that Teller signed after a show.

...you have seen exactly two episodes of Dancing With the Stars.

...after seeing Mac King's show, you mention to him how great of a job he did as guest co-host on Penn Radio, and then join him in making fun of Penn for agreeing to do DWtS.

...when walking into a room or joining a conversation, you announce your presence by saying, "and then there's THIS asshole."

...your son's middle name is "Fraser", because you couldn't get your wife to agree to "Penn" or "Teller".

Penn was on three episodes of Dancing with the Stars. The first, the second, and the last.

... you correct someone on how many episodes of Dancing with the Stars Penn was on.

You know you are fans of P&T when your primary response to someone who pisses you off is, "Fuck You In the Neck!"

Kim, you are too funny!!

you say "bullshit" to everything people say!!

You know the Real Card of All Evil is three of clubs.

You play a party game called 'Let's see if they noticed I've been taking this whole time while palming stuff'.

You demand a sock monkey for your birthday.

Every time you start laugh hysterically, you say it's 'Road Fatigue'.

You ARE the god of Carbonation!

Hey Red,
Your sock monkey one reminded me of another one that I actually did:

...you sew together your own sock monkey after reading Penn's novel....

...on a Tuesday.

of Penn

...when you both have the same Pigface longsleeve.

...when you both wear the same model Doc Martens.

Actually that's all just coincidence. I was more of a P&T fan in the 80's and 90's before they became masters of Reality TV and stuff.

You drive your mini van around with a monkey hanging from your rear-view mirror and have an evolve fish emblem on the back and seriously consider getting personalized plates that say DOGON.

...you spend hours in your kitchen perfecting your recipe for stage blood.

...you view all diners as minefields filled with potential hazards such as parsley sprigs, sugar packets, coffee creamers and vanilla milkshakes.

...pancakes, waffles, bacon, Yoo Hoo and Diet Coke make you smile uncontrollably, even though you're not hungry.

...you and your dog have matching MOFO t-shirts.

..."bad monkey," "falling cunt pickles," "Fuck you in the fucking neck," and "And then there's this asshole" are among your most frequently used expressions.

...you can't walk through a produce section at the grocery store without fighting the urge to juggle the fruit, wrap a melon in one-inch Scotch glass filament tape, or stuff some salad into a condom.

...you find the sight of Penn in his Boy Scout uniform, Teller in a sheep costume, and either of the guys dressed up like priests to be extremely, unbearably sexy.

...you wonder what else Teller can do while hanging upside down wearing gravity boots.

...you save your money for months and drive two days across the country just to see (and hear) Teller speak for one hour.

*************
Becky B.
[Displaced New Yorker]
&
Gracie
[CGC and Service Dog]

You read everyone else's entries and say...

"Yup."

...you dance furiously to the Monkey Tuesday theme song you put on your iPod.

...you considered tattooing a red ampersan on your upper arm with or without ink.

...you have one red finger nail, even if all the others are painted a diffrent color.

Theres a story behind the last one, I paint my ring finger on my left hand, and I keep it on always. Well one day my bf thought it would be cute if I dressed all goth one day, so I had all my finger nails painted, 9 black one red. Somehow that was weirder than just having the one fingernail painted

...You debate with your friends about who has the better fake blood recipe, and insist it must be you because you got it from Penn & Teller.

...You say, "there's a Bullshit! episode about that" more than twice a day.

...You walk around with things palmed in your hands all day and never show anyone.

...You practice sleight of hand with cigarettes but are not a smoker.

...You think The Game is a rip-off of Penn & Teller get Killed.

...You have seen only one episode of Fear Factor

...You have only seen one episode of Friends

...You have seen exactly three episodes of Miami Vice

...You have more tapes of P&T's television appearances than home movies.

...You actually watched that episode of Who Wants To Date My dad?

...You like the first season of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, and ONLY the first season.

...felines chasing a flashlight invariably makes you think of Mr. Boots.

...same with cats stuck in trees

...When someone asks if Teller can actually talk, you say "yes" and rattle off more than ten times you've heard him do so.

...You know the heights of them both, but not your own

...You know more than twenty of their bits by their proper names

...bees make you think of losing the skin on your testicles

You know what the phrase "Tony Called Fe-Ex" means

^^^^^^^YES!!!!!!!!

"you have one red finger nail, even if all the others are painted a diffrent color."

Haha I have one!


...when you buy black and white shoes. (been there done that)
...when your drawings only cointain Penn & Teller.
...when you're slowly slowly turning into an atheist even though you had a different belief before.
...when you also want a tie with skulls on and a house that looks like it's made out of lego.

When you have recurring dreams about you and Teller.....
When you look really hard for bullshit just so you can tell them
When you try to think of the perfect thing to say to them at the show but all you can come up with is "um oh you're my hero's"
.... and then swoon at Teller's response "aw thank you i don't deserve it but thank you"
When you asked Penn if he'd do a threesome and he responds "not with teller"

AHHH I LOVE TELLER! AND PENN!

...after work and an hour long drive home, you go to four different stores looking for a copy of the USA Today with the interview with Teller (when Macbeth was about to go up).

...you buy your first Playboy magazine because there's an article written by Teller published in it, and then try to figure out a way to remove it from the magazine (and remove any Playboy references from the pages the article are on) so your grandmother can read it (without her knowing it's from Playboy, I just don't want to hear it from her).

****
Tressa
http://www.myspace.com/23tressa

Every once in a while you start singing....
"Barbarella, Psych-a-della.....,"

And you freak out when you here the boys will be in the same country as you.

...You hope for another performance from the (remaining) Yardstick of Lunatics.

...You occasionally catch yourself singing "Ghost fishin in the Sand."

...the reference the Seven Deadly sins makes you think of dancers.

...You know of a few celebrities ONLY because of their appearances on the Sin City Spectacular.

When you clap your hands.

Oh, errrrrrrrr.....no, wait, that's when you're 'happy and you know it' - moi'll get back to you.

Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor Hershman