This is not abuse in any way.
Your coworker is trying to emotionally manipulate you by forcing you to feel guilty or ashamed of your stance. There's no reason why you should EVER forfeit your own, hard-earned vacation time for someone else! In fact, if she is talking to other people at work about you being "abusive" and spreading lies, you can take HER to court for slander, perhaps even malice if she is writing lies as well.
Listen, you should not be forced to go to any sort of brainwashing/sensitivity training/abuse counseling.
Unless you verbally assaulted her by making a threat or saying something demeaning or extremely offensive, OR physically laid a hand on her, she has no grounds to say you are abusive.
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