The Hell That You KnowSeptember 10 2011 at 7:36 AM
I have been a CNA for 5+ years at a state facility and have reached a point of burnout that is harrowing and terminal.I have seen every bit of idealism and altruism smashed to unrecognizable pieces.Every long,thankless day is an unending maelstrom of toxicity,despair,noise,stench and chaos...there is NO hope.As a CNA I have come to see our place as at the bottom of the food-chain..our aches,our pains,our concerns,our lives are of little concern to the relentless *u*king machine and it's hard-hearted captains.I have never witnessed such ruthlessness and incompetence in all my 45 years...and you would think a state facility would be top-notch.....and where it is aesthetically wonderful (Large,clean,well-decorated,etc.) it is run by a mafiosi of liars,vipers and idiots.Where in the past I harbored some hope of a meaningful dialogue between the CNAs and admin. I now have given up completely.I have come to see this entire long-term health care industry for what it is:A miserable racket and a thoroughly broken system.I have clarity now to see through the myths they sell us and the colorful brochures.I see administrative persons,in both private and public facilities as a special blend of willful ignorance and EVIL.I certainly see the owners of some of these private facilities as deserving a special place in hell.It is a shame that this is how we treat our elders..shuffled off into these purgatorial gulags and left at the mercy of their brutish,inept keepers.It is a shame that through fiscal penury,profiteering,staffing mismanagement and more that a person's final years are spent in neglect.I see both sides...the despair,pain and indignity forced upon the resident and the frustrated,broken CNA,who,by the perpetual staffing shortages is put in a position that reduces the residents to cattle and the shift to merely managing a herd.Idealism sinks and is replaced by cynicism...you are then slowly led to a place where you are drained nearly of compassion,where the light is firmly extinguished in you and your body and mind are numb.Where once you saw adorable old folks you now see and endless cycle of mouths to feed and messes to clean up.You see nothing that matches the grand vision of the head-in-the-clouds admin. personnel and you come to resent these smiling jackasses..the office folk,the recreation staff,etc.-they don't do the mandatory overtime,the 12 and 16 hour shifts,they don't get beat up and scratched and grabbed,they don't get yelled at on the radio,blamed for everything,framed for everything,talked to like a dog,written up for nothing,treated like a child,subjected to disease and driven into the ground..their world is not polluted with piss and *hit,they get the awards and the glory and the photo-ops while dancing on your broken backs.You do the dirty work..the lowly pissed on,sh*t on scapegoats they barely acknowledge.This is my life at work.The CNA is meat,a desperate soul and the scum of the earth,a warm body with a name tag.5 years has taught me to be dishonest,5 years on the front has taught me to be indifferent,callous and coarsened,it has taught me that absolutely nothing will ever change in this business.It will ask everything of you and give you little in return,it will finish you,break you,chew you up in it's relentless gears and throw you away when it's done.There is no glory in being Superman or Mother Teresa..your only safe bet is to get an education and get the hell away from it.You can't save the world,you are nothing but a spider circling it's black pit of a drain.You must gather yourself up and wash your hands of it..it is a perpetually sinking ship.This is the truth as I see it,this is where I am now:disappointed and disillusioned..now I struggle with my faith,my language,my temper,my conscience...my emotional state is askew and damaged.This place,this job went from a great opportunity to a kind of living nightmare.It's no longer for me and I'm desperate to find a way out.
- Re: The Hell That You Know - Patti on Sep 14, 2011, 9:09 AM
- Getting out after 8 months - jesse james on Apr 11, 2013, 6:17 PM
- RE The Hell that you know - anon on Sep 22, 2011, 7:51 AM