I dont know what I am looking for, other than to try and get this off my chest. I figured I would start on a largely anonymous board. know this issue is not something most people care to talk about, but it has been weighing heavily on my mind, and I feel like I just need to “get it out there” and try to come to terms with this issue so I may be more likely to get over it.
My name is Hemster, and I am suffering from extreme performance anxiety. A little background…me and the wife have been trying for the past few months to have another child. Our only child will be two years old very soon. We both want another kid, and would like to have them no further than three years apart.
Well, during the “window of opportunity” when my wife is most fertile, I have been an anxious wreck and haven’t been quite able to do much about it. I just focus on everything way too much and get paranoid that I will lose my erection, and sure enough, once these thoughts enter my head, it all goes downhill from there. Needless to say, this is getting pretty emotionally painful. It has begun to spread from when my wife is ovulating into the rest of the month(s) as well.
I have had reoccurrences of this issue for most of my life. It usually happens when a relationship is turning sour or at times when I am stressed out. But typically, I get over it pretty quickly. If it happens, it happens and there is always the next day. However, now that we are trying to get pregnant, there are only 2 or so days each month when we are able to conceive, and these days are very hard for me.
Yes, we do have a child, but this issue came up when we were trying to conceive back then. I got pretty drunk the night before, and while I was taking a nap the next day, the wife “woke me up” and I didn’t have time to freak out.
Last month, I was fine the week before ovulation. But when the time came, I just could not perform. For three days I tried in vain. I was finally able to do what I needed to do, but it was too late. Ever since my wife got her last period, this has been pretty much the only thing on my mind. During work, watching tv, laying in bed, waking up at 3 am…this is all I can think about. Its affecting everything I do, and I am getting tired of it.
I went to see a therapist last week to talk about these anxiety issues. I don’t think it helped too much. Within the first few minutes, she mentioned maybe trying Viagra. I wasn’t too happy that she brought this up so quickly. I have no problems with medication, but I do not believe they should be the first idea. I know my problem isnt physical. Its mental. Hell, if it was physical, I think I might be able to deal with it a little easier.
This is really bothering me, partially because it’s a stupid issue. My life is great. My relationship with my wife and son is incredible. We are all healthy, we are doing well financially, our family lives with parents and siblings is great. Other than this issue, there is no depression in my life. I just don’t get what is going on in my head. Having sex is something the most basic lifeforms can do with ease. Why is it so hard for me? I wish there was a way to just turn off my mind, but I cant.
I don’t know. I am just trying to come to terms with this voice in my head, and admit its there. Maybe that will help it go away. The next window of fertility is this week (likely Thursday). I am an anxious wreck. I just hope we can make things work. I cant take another month or more of this crap.
www.myspace.com/mimnaugh76
