Being scared of the "performance" and whether it will be sufficient/good enough. I can relate through other aspects, mainly whether or not I will do a task or job correctly, and getting so scared and obsessively thinking about it so much, that I cause my own mess up, clam up and freeze up. I had a friend in college that would get herself in such a state before exams, that she had to see a therapist about her anxiety. One solution was to allow her to take the test by herself, in an office, instead of the big lecture hall, with people all around.
Hemster, your situation is not petty enough to not merit praying about! Do you know, I pray every time I get on the freeway, in my big city, just for an open spot to merge into? That seems very silly, but it works... and, it is valid! Your prayer is not selfish, in the least, because it encompasses the peace and happiness of not only you, but your wife, your child and your co-workers, from what you say. Did you think about that?
Well, I am no expert, except that I am older than you, and have gone through the child conceiving years. I would try (like I do with other life problems that I can obsess about) to take the attitude that when the time is right, it will happen. It is not on your time, it is on God's time. OK, so you want the nice spacing of whatever years between children... but, it won't be the end-all if the spacing is a bit wider, will it? You see? That takes a load off. We can't be so regimented about our time tables. Instead, try to get an attitude that when that child comes, it will be the best little personality at the right time, and it will be here at the right time. You guys aren't losing anything by going with the flow. Admittedly, I have learned this attitude over the recent years and didn't have it when I was younger. I also have given
my timing up to God's schedule.
I wish you peace, Hem.
^..^ Julie