did anyone else see how the coach from middletown treated vic epkenyong after he lost his match yesterday. that coach was throwing things at him yelling at him, in his face and belittling him so bad. we were all watching this go on, and it went on for almost 20 mims. hey coach its a sport where there has to be a winner and a loser. your kid lost, he had a awesome match, i've never seen a coach react the way you did. you should be ashamed of yourself. and for the assistant coach to stand there and not intervene, whats wrong with you? if you coached my kid like that, you and i would of been on the mat, you need to do a reality check and i think you need to say your sorry for the way you treated vic. he is a child, not an adult, cause if he was an adult you would of gotten your butt kicked. it was uncalled for. i can just imagine what you do to these kids behind closed doors. i hope his parents read this and respond to it so i can let them know how there kid was treated. i have seen alot of kids lose, i think they are hard enough on themselves without getting it from a coach.you are susposed to be a role model and someone for them to look up to, not treat them like ****, in glad your not coaching our kids. and to vic you did a good job kid, keep up the good work!!!!!

Didn't see it but if it's like you described...the coach should be canned. There's no excuse for that. There's been several posts on here already addressing the athletes responsibility of sportsmanship and humility. That same code of ethics applies to coaches as well but at a higher standard since after all they are the ones charged with the responsibility of teaching those ethics. If these things are happening it then turns to the responsibility of the program to right the situation....which in this case, is can the coach.

Mark Fong is notorious for being a little aggressive with his wrestlers. It's obviously quite inappropriate, and I kind of feel bad for the Middletown kids sometimes. He's a nice guy, but I've seen him screaming at kids on several occasions over the past few years.

I saw it. It happened right under the bleachers that I was sitting on. The Middletown coach should be fired. Period.

that middletown coach is a nut and doesnt know how to deal with kids and their losses. he is a punk who embarassed not only himself but middletown as a whole.

If we don't model what we teach or preach we are modeling something else.

Fong is gonna be pisssed if he sees this lol

who cares what he thinks, he should watch what he does, we as parents need to protect our kids from people like him

what i meant is that if you don't model what you teach/preach you are teaching something else.

coach fong is a real great coach look at what he has done back to back state champs lets go mtown. people are crazy he did not throw stuff at vic and yeah he yelled a little bit but what coach doesn't when thier best wrestler lost. so people stop lying about what he does until you get to know him and coaches you can all learn from him maybe you will get a state title soon.

middletowns coach ,i belive ,is a very emothiontial person. he has high expections for all of his wrestlers well most of them i think hes a very good coach who excepts a lot from his wrestlers. i have watched him over a few years i belive the kids really like him i know i do i might not agree with the temper but thats it. i dont think his kids would go any where else... he went into the season with two kids 112 and 140 and had to fill 12 other classes and with only 3 kids in the open came in tenth with only one kid with any experince, victor, he was upset, he felt he should have won, i assume. maybe a short temper good results my son could wrestle for him any day and i am proud of the team, in a complete rebuilding year...

you may be right, but that still sucked watching vic get that treatment

CONNECTICUT, PLEAzzE STOP,STOP,STOP BABYING YOUR WRESTLERS...so what, he was yelling, Did he hit him? NO,..WAIT UNTIL HE/SHE get in COLLEGE..see if that coach will high five him for losing..If you thought it was that bad at the end of the night you should have walk up to him. NOT, put it on pin to win...

Nevertellalie,

I hope you are joking. First, this is HS, NOT college (new flash, less then 5% of these kids will wrestle in college). Second: since when did college become the standard? There are crappy college coaches too. Third: This forum is just for this purpose, to discus these issues, what do you think we are here for? Sharing recipes?

Last: When did showing simple respect become "babying"? Now the line is moved to hitting him? All is OK as long as he wasn't hit? Please tell me you are kidding. When you validate that kind of behavior, you insult all the coaches who handle that situation properly?

And to all those who have seen worse, just remember:

"To be better then the worse does not make you good"

Fong is real good coach... Im not a friend of him but just an acquaintance, and fellow coach. He is respected by many in the state for his contributions to the sport and the the success he has achieved for the Middletown wrestling program and community. As we know Middletown has its area's that are not the best of living in all ways. Not a lot of families can afford the tuition of the catholic school Xavier in town, so many kids from troubled areas are sent to Middletown high. Mark Fong has taken upon the burden of criticism that working with children from harsh backgrounds may offer. Now im not saying every kid is troubled or from bad area's, but in Fong's tenure he has taken these children under his wing and has attempted to turn young men into achieving individuals. In some ways he could like at them as children as his own, all because as we know wrestling has such a family type atmosphere. Although Mark was thoroughly upset with vic's demise and loss in the opens, ethically he should have never yelled at him for losing especially when he has another chance next year let alone at New England this year. No matter the relation of Fong to young Mr. Ekpenyong, the child didn't deserve to be ridiculed and humiliated for a loss... I'm sure Mark knows the mistake he has made and knows what he did was wrong. Let us remember that everyone makes mistakes in life... everyone is human. In order to be a good person you have to believe that people can make mistakes and as good people we should accept apologies given. Let us think what Mark has Done right for people and the community and for wrestling, and not by the ludicrous mistake that he has made...

Mark Fong is a great and passionate coach. While some people believe he overreacts and is too emotional, the truth is that he just wants the best for his wrestlers. What some see as being too intense, I believe is the proper attitude of a coach. The weight class was Vic's to lose, and he did. Mark showed an appropriate reaction. The sooner that high school athletes and students realize that failure is not acceptable, the better. It is also important to realize that Mark Fong easily could have become the head coach of Xavier, as he is an alumnus, but instead decided to go to Middletown, start a youth program, and win two class titles.

im not saying he is a bad coach. there are other ways of showing his aggressions, vic does have next year your right. but to go that far was unbelivable. we need to support our kids win or lose.
losing sometimes makes the kids better, if everyone was a winner all the time there would be no losers!!!! but please i felt he was wrong and im entitled to my opinion.

r u kidding me, if a coach is going to bash a wrestler he should do away from the public eye, with that said I have a major problem with bashing atheltes. guess what ...... he will remember that moment his whole life.

yeah but you only saw a little piece of the puzzle so you can't see the whole picture....

Agreed, I think it is important for parents, coaches, and wreslers to remember that they never know the whole story. In response to the first post that argued for coach Fong's dismissal, you exceed the realm of your obligation. Coach Fong loves and devotes his life to his wreslters. What you have not seen, is all that he has done to help Victor achieve his current status as one of the top wreslters in the state. Wrestling is a unique sport, and it requires a level of passion and commitment that no other sport does. And the relationship that is fostered between a coach and his athletes is akin to that of family members. My point being, Fong did not react out of hatred, but rather out of complete commitment to Victor. And I do not doubt that his response would have been no different if it was his own son. Just as we should not question the dynamics of between family members (as they are always different from our own values and experiences), we should not question the relationship between a coach and his athletes.

fAILURE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE??? aRE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME.This is a sport not life or death and lets keep it in perspective. In all of my years wrestling and coaching ( almost 30) I have never publicly humiliated an athelete and there is really no excuse for this. That being said the past can't be changed. I would like to think that Mark realizes the mistake he made in loosing his cool and has hopefully already had a talk with Vic and explained in a more coach like manner that he was more upset at a lost opportunity for Vic which got the best of him. None of us can know what Mark was thinking at that moment, but also his reaction should not be condoned either as it was expressed INAPPROPRIATELY not APPROPRIATELY as Lehighrocks stated.

As a parent of a middletown wrestler I have watched Fong coach for several years. Fong is a coach who is very emotional in his responses but not neccesarily inappropriate. He yells and disciplines the kids but only to the extent that each individual can handle it. He knows his boys and what and how to motivate them! He takes interest in these boys not only during wrestling season but the whole year through! He does take these boys and makes them into responsible men. Is that not the point of wrestling? I once asked my son why he puts up with Fongs temper and he said he wouldn't want it any other way nor would he wrestle for anyone else! If his team respects his methods maybe some of you sould as well. You don't hear them complaining and his record speaks for itself!!!

how the middletown coach acted was wrong, victor wrestled a great match, and should never have been rediculed like that. and the coach was yelling at him for shooting doubles instead of singles. bull****. good luck at ne's victor.

I think who ever posted this story has no idea what there talking about fong pushes his wrestlers hard so they win look at the past 2 years and this year

i am willing to admit that i used to be like the middletown coach. i couldn't really help it. we have a passion that drives us to things or away from things. wrestling is a naturally aggressive sport and unlike football, for example, where plenty of coaches have passion, most of the time, everyone knows who is going to win by the last few minutes. wrestling can change in the last 5 seconds so we get crazy because we still have hope. hope, practically to the very end i think that adds to the tension.

having said that, i try to keep it tight now. the kids try and don't try hard enough sometimes and want to win. i know that. and the next day things are usually ok no matter what. i like to think of wrestlers and football players and coaches as kids and parents. the way you raise your children may be alien to others but your kids are accustomed to your methods. call it soft spoken or hard love. and everything in between.

one last thing. as we all know, not all methods work on all kids. i'm not defending any method or style but a coach/parent can love a kid and still scream and carry on like a nut and the kid will still love the coach. it's just their way.

but for me...i'm remain a convert. but a sympathetic one.

In defense of Mark. My three sons all went thru marks youth program . And one of them wrestles for him in high school now.Ive known mark for years and am proud my son wrestles for him.He expects the best that each kid can bring as to their own ability. And he gives them his utmost commitment in return as a coach and friend.Ive seen some kids who were definitly headed in the wrong direction turn it around because of Mark, take pride in themselves and their grades, because of Mark. Become better students and better people,because of Mark. All you guys ever see or pay attention to is him yelling at his kids. But you dont watch when things calmed down the way Vic came over and sat with Mark. The way they talked and Mark explained to him why he was so upset, or when the finals where going on, the way they where laughing and joking in the stands when the 112s came out. You dont see anything of what goes on behind close doors and its all GOOD! Theres a reason why he got "COACH OF THE YEAR!" The problem now adays is everybody babies kids.

Very true regarding babying of kids. It has gotten out of hand. I do not condone the public berating of any athlete. Looking at it from outside, Mark does a good job. I am sure some parents don't like his approach but he runs a good program and gets a lot out of his kids.

It's not babying...it's called respect. Respect for the wrestler, respect for his family, respect for his team, school, town, etc, etc, etc. If you want to hoot, holler and be tough on the kids, do it at practice behind closed doors. Not on the big stage (the State Opens). It's embarrassing and disrespectful. It's leadership 101. Anyone who condones that type of coaching is an absolute idiot. Make what excuses you want. He'll lose more wrestlers than he helps. Good luck trying to build a program with that approach.

Although I don't doubt that the coach cares for his boys, that style is destructive. My son's coach cares just as much and he can get the same message across with just a look and a few carefully chosen words said privately to the wrestler. The problem with the "verbal abuse" style is that it doesn't stay in the gym. Kids pick up on it (just like they pick up on their parents style) and then think its applicable to the real world. Try screaming at your boss, or your wife, or your coworkers and see how far that gets you in real life as an adult. Coaches should teach kids ways of dealing with real life adversity and failure and screaming is not one of them.

your right about respect. and no one condones anybody screaming at anybody. But like was said earlier he expects the best especially from kids who can be the best. And anybody who quits his program didnt want to wrestle to begin with.I bet nobody can find any of his kids past or present that hasnt enjoyed wrestling for him. You guys only see a very small side.

I have to agree with the above post(tgtmsn).I also have known Mark for a few years now and one thing is true he loves these kids. If it wasn't for Mark Middletown probably wouldn't have a youth program.He started this on his own and like the high school worked very hard to make it the best possible.I for one respect Mark for all the hard work and dedication he puts into his program.From what I know the day after a match his wrestlers are given an evaluation (on paper) on what they need to improve on.There is nothing he wouldn't do for these kids. The incident at the opens may have been unfortunate but i'm positive he and Victor worked it out. So it was a mistake everyone makes them now get off his ass and watch Victor (and Carrillo in the opens)By the way Devon Carrillo came up through Marks youth program and was sought out by a well known private school. His reason for not going? He wanted to wrestle for Mark Fong

I was there, it made me sick. I bet if the Middletown AD talked to him like that in front of hundreds of people, he would not have taken it like a man the way Vic Epkenyong did. No excuse, period.

Now, everyone make mistakes, and as big as that one was, lets hope he has made it right and it was a one time incident. I don't know the guy, so I hope he was completely out of character that one time.

As far as the asst. coach, he was in a pickle if I have ever seen one. I think many of us THINK we know what we would do in that situation, but to be fair, many others would have frozen up too. Not trying to make excuses for him, but...

I saw many parents consul Vic and try to smooth it out, they should all be commended.

Vic, keep your spirits up and good luck next year.

a little late to this but when I was wrestling at Lycoming College, Crebs would yell at you even if you won. Kids would tech their opponents and Crebs would yell at them telling them they did it all wrong and couldve been better. I'm not supporting Frong or whatever his name is though, the high school level shouldnt be treated like a child proof division; however, yelling at a wrestler as a coach is wrong. When the coaches respect is gone, so is the title...

FJP

I was there at the match on Saturday. There are no words to describe how horrifying Coach Fong's behavior was. There are coaches who are far better then he is and get results from the kids without being abusive. I am glad that the officials at Middletown High School were made aware of his vulgar behavior. He deserves to be severally reprimanded for his behavior and should consider attending anger management classes. It is one thing to be passionate about the sport and completely another to drag a child off the mat and berate him for 20 minutes -- THAT IS NOT PASSION IT IS ABUSE. The good news is that he will be watched closely from now on. Victor, you should be very proud of all your accomplishments and do not let this out of control man and his ego define your success. Please know that there are people out there who consider Coach Fong's behavior wrong and that we stand behind you. A simple apology does not even begin to cover Coach Fong's disgraceful behavior. No one deserves to be treated that way. Coach Fong has lost the respect of many people and it will not be won back easily.

Ok, lets let this go! He made a mistake on letting his emotions take over. He is a very passionate coach, and works very hard with his kids. He wanted to see Vic win! I for one agree his behavior was over the Top, but he is human. We all make mistakes. Lets wish Vic good luck at NE, and prepare for this weekend!

When a person makes this kind of a grave mistake, it seems to me that the appropriate response is something like a censure: you did something wrong and we are putting you on notice. We'll forgive you this time but if you do it again, you are going to be in serious trouble.

I'm sure that most of Bob Knight's basketball players found him to be a great coach; certainly the fact that his players have a high graduation rate indicates he cares for something in the individual beyond just their basketball. Yet throwing chairs across the court or choking players was never okay with anyone. He became a caricature of himself after awhile because the IU administration looked the other way for too long and implicitly condoned it through their inaction.

It's not enough merely to say 'oops, I'm sorry.' Yes that is important and people are willing to forgive, and also something more seems to be called for as well. If he did this in public after a minor traffic incident he might well have been charged with several misdemeanor offenses. Fire, intensity, and passion are great; verbal abuse is something qualitatively different and has to be restrained. Good intentions and empty promises are the abuser's enablers.

In other words, I agree with points made by both sides. What we need is a synthesis of the two points of view; they aren't mutually exclusive and there really isn't an "argument" here. People are talking about two different things which are both applicable.

First of all, let me say that Victor is a great wrestler.

As a former Farmington wrestler I have seen Fong coach many times (we were both in the NWC). Anybody who watches him can tell that he is one of the more emotional coaches on the mat. When people see him yelling at his wrestlers they mistake him for an angry person, but if you ever took the time to notice how he interacts with his wrestlers you'll see that he acts in their best interest.

Let me ask you a question, Have you ever seen him when his wrestlers win a close match? Maybe you have but just decided to ignore his reaction then.

My point is, you don't know what happens between coach Fong and his wrestlers, and pintowin is not the place for coach bashing. If you have an issue you should confront him in pesron. There's a reason why his team holds two Class L Titles.

First, everyone wishes Victor the best this weekend and in whatever he chooses to do. Second, as stated in comments from others, Coach Fong has demonstrated his yelling behavior prior to this incident and it is well known that he is a hot head. Maybe if someone had stepped forward before, it never would have progressed to this degree. Wanting Victor to win does not justify his behavior. After all, it is not about what Coach Fong wants, it is about being a great coach who inspires children through positive interaction and not through abusive behavior.

he did not throw things at victor and he didnt yell at victor for 20mins (it was about 3-4mins)
i have wrestled in middletown for a long time now and mr fong yells at us because he wants us to wrestle to the best we can. the only reason mr fong was mad was because victor did not listen to what he told him to do and he lost because of it.

come on now, we as parents can get into alot of trouble for yelling at our own kids, its abuse. in todays world it is not acceptable. please don't sit there and tell me things weren't thrown at victor. we all watched it happen. the coach was wrong and he should have gotten in trouble. if you wanna send your kid into the lions den, then so be it. im glad our coach and asst. coaches have a better handle on things like this.

This is not cub scouts, nor is it a brownies troop or even Tee-ball. This is the sport of wrestling, the sport that separates the men from the boys. This is a game where mental toughness is usually your biggest asset. Not everyone is cut out for it so please take your pansy a-- school-girl mentality to a sport that better suits you or lay off the man that has a great following and has built a great program that has already taken home 2 state titles. Everyone has choices in life and it seems that his team chooses him as well as all the fans that show up to the tournaments that Middletown wrestles in. Never met the guy, but from the comments above it sounds like alot of over reacting to an isolated incident that I'm sure the parties involved just want to put behind them. S--t happens and then you move on.

come onnnn! u people r over reacting. i kno the guy a bit, and he's not out of control! so wat if he started yelling about it. if the coaches were soft as a new borns butts then the wrestlers wouldn't care if they lost and would lose more often. evry coach yells, SO WHAT! wat r u going to do? slit ur wrists! i meam damn! the world isnt going to end! the other guy is rite. this sport does seperate the men from the boys (aka the sissy's) and for the fathers, some of u need to to have ur kids toughened up, cuz some of ur kids look like fruit cakes! if you cant handle it then cry about it in another sport! tell ur kids to go join the chess club if they have little nuts.

Okay, I’ve read this thread and kept quiet, but now I’ll chime in. I was right there and witnessed the whole thing. At the time, I thought Coach Fong’s actions were unfortunate, but not terrible. Part of my reaction may be colored by the fact that I have known him in passing since he’s been coaching at Middletown and I’ve always respected him as a coach. As I constantly like to remind everyone, I’ve been involved in wrestling since before the parents of most of you were born. I’ve seen good coaches, bad coaches, excellent coaches and terrible coaches, and I know that you can’t determine the quality of a coach or evaluate him as a person based on one incident. We all lose it sometimes and say things we’d like to take back. I don’t believe that Coach Fong has a history of berating his wrestlers in public, although many other coaches routinely do this. I believe that this incident was simply an overreaction to a very disappointing loss, and we should judge Coach Fong on his overall performance and relationship with his athletes. His approach to each wrestler is unique, and I have no doubt that he would never intentionally embarrass or demean any one of them. So cut him some slack. I’m sure he feels bad about this and I’m also sure that he and Victor are right on track to do their best tonight.

And to those of you who say that wrestling is a tough sport and not for babies, I agree, but that’s not an excuse for inappropriate behavior. This isn’t the Marines, where discipline and toughness are matters of life or death; it’s high school sports, where lessons of sportsmanship and respect are the objective.

End of rant.

I agree. Remember, very good people can occasionally make bad decisions. Nothing more, nothing less. Coach Fong is CLEARLY a good person who momentarily lost control. If I had hundreds of people observe some of my worst moments, it wouldn't be pretty...

Good luck to both tonight!

Not that I advocate whatever behavior the coach displayed but the first priority of a mentor after the athlete's loss is to ensure that they understand what they did wrong. I personally would have said nothing to the wrestler immediately after the match to let him reflect on the mistakes for a small while then have a discussion about it well before his next match. This I feel is more effective than going off half cocked which can completely turn off a peak. But this coach knows his wrestlers, guaranteed. He knows how to push the buttons and what will work. Perhaps this type of reaction is what that wrestler responds to. Regardless, it was still a mistake to make public knowledge of what should have happened behind closed doors. Both coaches and wrestlers represent the school and town that support them and they should appropriate themselves accordingly.

I wish we could be just a little bit like coach Fong with our team. We would have fewer quitters and kid's with no or little heart.I feel that sometimes certain kid's need a little criticism instilled, just to get the wussy out of them. If Fong is doing such a bad job, then why does he have 30 or more kids every year coming out for wrestling, and being one of the top teams not only in his conference, but in the state.