Tonsley buying ailing football club?

April 28 2005 at 11:46 PM


Article from the Guardian, April 28th:

Tonsley stoking interest in football club takeover:

In a bold move, Tonsley Events today made a bid to purchase the 60% stake in Stoke Holdings currently owned by an Icelandic Consortium. The bid is believed to be in the region of 5 pounds.

We’ve started, but we won’t Finnish:
Magnus Magnusson, spokesman for the Icelandic Consortium, was quoted as saying:
“It’s not fair! The Icelandic players are not being selected. Even on the training ground, Siggmund Siggy Siggurdson and Thordur Thor Thordurson are always picked last. How will Scandinavian countries be able to develop players if Stoke don’t get relegated to League 1, where our sons, sorry, I mean players, have a chance to not look too bad? We have no choice but to sell and buy Port Vale.”

Woolfy’s at the door:
Simon Woolf was quoted as saying:
“Even though I am really a glory hunting Rams fan, this represents a tremendous opportunity for Tonsley Events to branch out into football club ownership. We will be insisting that only Tonsley regulars turn out for the side.

Not much is going to get past Big Fat Robbo who can fill the goal single-handedly. Peter Bullock will be a rock at the back– he is a master of the slide tackle and the Moxon lawyers will beef up the defense nicely. Meaks will fill the role of utility player – he can change roles frequently for us (ooh that’s harsh!). The mid-field of myself, Joe, Rob and Floody will provide excellent entertainment at a bargain price, as always. Add in the silky skills of John Southall (remember him – he’s the one that used to be able to play football) as well as the constant dribbling of Tebbits up front and we are on to a real winner.”

In summary, Peter Coates is still a wanker!

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