YOUR PHASERS RECEIVED BY MATTER TRANSMITTER

Unfortunately the wrong paper work was submitted with them so they are being held at the Receiving Dock until the matter is rectified.
Form 1879WAR should only be used for goods being delivered by a courier ship.
Urgent deliveries of this kind should be accompanied by the bright red form, Number QS567839H/ 4b

Please submit the appropriate paperwork, before we lose your phasers.
Regarding your other comments and/or questions...

"I have the despised Earthling ship, SSIncredibable, in my sights," YOU ARE STRONGLY ADVISED TO HOLD THE ENEMY IN YOUR SIGHTS UNTIL YOUR PHASER ARE AGAIN OPERATIONAL. TO ALLOW THEM OUT OF YOUR SIGHTS WILL BE REGARDED AS DERELICTION OF DUTY, A FIRING SQUAD OFFENCE!

I request urgent action, and immediate replies to the following...
1: Can I expect to have funtional phasers before I am returned to Klingonia for retirement?
YOUR SUPREME COMMANDER ADVISES THAT YOU WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO RETIRE UNTIL THE ssINCREDIBABLE HAS BEEN DESTROYED BY YOUR PHASERS OR OTHER WEAPONS UNDER YOUR CONTROL.

2: Without our phasers the deaadliest weapon we have is a large caliber water pistol, owned by the cabin boy. Please advise of any suggestions for using this as an offensive weapon.
WE SUGGEST HOLDING A CONSTANT HIGH RATE OF FIRE WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED WATER PISTOL. WITH LUCK, THE WATER WILL CAUSE ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS, MAYBE EVEN CRRODE THE HULL. EVEN BETTER IT SHOULD SEND THEIR CAPTAIN MADDER, SINCE HE HATES WATER.