My Dearest Love,

I have been trying to tell you, dearest, and now you can see for yourself. The creature which pushed you into the pool is HUGE and it is FIERCE !!! (Furthermore, I think it lacks breeding: no pedigree, I'm sure, and it probably has the mange too.) How could I possibly have protected you against such an one as that?

I am utterly devoted to you, dearest, as you know; but I am but I am only mortal. And I have to be at rehearsal soon to practice for my role as King Richard III. If I am not prompt the Director will give the role to that upstart, Sherlock Keyhole.