So those thievin' Irish are claiming they invented the bag pipes ?

Next thing you know they'll be claiming they invented tartan.... and even Haggis !

I'LL NAE SIT STILL FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT !

IRISH BAGPIPES ? IRISH HAGGIS ?

IS THE UNIVERSE GOING INSANE ?

As our Danish Chef is busy preparing Vienna pastry for us, I will jump in to explain some very true facts about things currently in discussion. My friend, the Irish opera singer and historical expert Paddy O'Crazy recited once after the second bottle of Whiskey from his still unfinished book.
According to this lecture the Scots are a tribe of cattle thieves, banned forever from the Emerald Isle.
They took their bagpipes with them and hid leftovers of their last meals in the bags, to survive the next days in the cold and grey mountains of what is now Scotland. Arriving there they ate it all - innards and bags, and exclaimed "Hagridden it is !". Nowadays they have shortened it to "Haggis".

I've been eating Irish Haggis and Piaf says I've made a mess of myself and need a bath.

I always take my baths in the shallow end of the swimming pool - when I must - but it's empty. Will the Captain please have the staff fill the pool? With water, I suppose, but sweet cream tastes better.

Just I am installing a special shower stall aboard. It was constructed by Professor Frankenstein. After stepping in you just have to say "Hot water" or "Warm water" or "Rum" or "Sweet cream" - and you will shower in the liquid of your choice.
But please wait for one hour. Mrs. Grundy will test the installation by saying "Chanel No. 5" !

Here I am in a queue at the new shower stall, to say "sweet cream" as shower liquid. The frogs are in front, wanting to shower in "slimy lukewarm pond water".
But now there is a problem. Reinhard has to disassemble the whole shower system. When Mrs. Grundy entered, she slipped on a piece of soap, and cried "SHIT".