Your phasers have been repaied, testing has been completed, and their performance is exceptionally good.

Unfortunately, on the test firing the phaser beam inadvertently struck (and totally destroyed) one of the moons of our home planet ( the one named Ezentra.... remember it?) and then bounced to the newly constructed flagship of the Klingon fleet.... which was also totally destroyed. ( before it was even named and launched!)


As the person who authorised the test firing, I am being held under house arrest while our beloved Emperor ( may all his fleas be tranqulised) considers whether I should be commended for markmanship, or simply executed.

So you think you've got roubles ?
I've got to deal with a Commando level Sushi-Origami dog, who might soon have the SS Incredibable repainted to serve as camouflage for him!

Tough luck that the phasers destroyed a moon back at home planet, and a flagship too ! ( Was anyone hurt?)

but ... WHEN WILL I GET MY #$%#$%# PHASERS ?

You have failed to provide three (3) of the necessary twenty seven (27) forms to get your phasers back.
(see top secret attachment to this message.)
Such sloppy ways in documentation will never win a war, especially against those devious Earthlings.
To get rid of that dangerous dog Casey, just beam him a bone poisoned with BLOW-UP-FLUID onto his background, or whiteground, or blackground, or what ??


Att. Documents §üöä to §ßü# (top secret !!)

Has it occurred to ANYBODY in yor quiet little office that we have a war going on ..... AND THAT I'M FORCED TO DO MY FIGHTING WITH A WATER PISTOL ?


Iwant my phasers back!
GIMME MY PHASERS!
GIMME MY PHASERS!

Will you stop immediately broadcasting your complaints on open channels !!!!
Headquarters is well aware of your problems and is doing everything to solve them SASPO